Potty training.  It’s one of the phases of parenting a toddler that I am dreading the most.  I just got home from an incredibly informative seminar where I learned a ton about the process (including some fabulous tips!), so I thought I would share the wealth of knowledge I stumbled upon.  The presenter was Janeen Hayward, a sleep and behavior consultant with Swellbeing, who broke down the potty training process into four simple steps: modeling, explaining, play and practice. When I started writing a post about potty training before attending the session, I wanted to title it, “Why We’re Not Potty Training Yet.”  After attending, I realized that in truth, we are already engaged in the process, even though Colin is still consistently in a diaper nearly 24/7.

In my mind, potty training began when we tossed the diapers, let him run around bare bottomed, cleaned inordinate amounts of urine from my floors and generally lived and breathed all things “potty.”  Alas, so much of the teaching happens before that stage, and C is learning so much already.

Steps 1+2: Modeling and Explaining

The ever-present joke about “never peeing alone” once you are a mom really rings true when it comes to modeling and explaining, the first two steps (which really go hand in hand).  For months now, when Colin tags along during my trips to the restroom, I will tell him about how mommy goes pee-pee in the potty and talk through some of the steps (pulling down our pants/underpants, doing business, wiping, flushing, washing hands).  Colin loves to tag along, and we have modeling down pat.  What I haven’t really tackled and will begin discussing is the “feelings” you get that make you realize you need to go.

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Tips I learned:

Narrate the entire process from beginning to end, from the moment you head to the restroom.

Explain that “mommy has a feeling in her tummy that makes her realize she needs to use the potty.”

Mention that when mommy sits on the potty to go, she needs to relax.  List any way that would make you (and your toddler/preschooler) relaxed, from singing a song to humming, to reading a magazine or playing with a special mellow toy.  Exaggerate these strategies (since you likely aren’t really employing them during this step in your own potty journey) for your toddler.

Engage your child in discussion of the process.  Quiz them by asking “what does mommy do next?”

For boys, if possible, ask dad and older brothers to model the process sitting down instead of standing, since the act of balancing, relaxing and aiming are very hard for someone so young to manage simultaneously.

Step 3: Play

The speaker explained how children learned new skills through play, and suggested engaging them in potty-related play.  She recommended doing role-play with your child, by having them teach a doll or stuffed animal how to use the potty (after extensive modeling and explaining, of course).  Asking them to teach a toy helps them feel like they have the power in the situation and allows them to feel like they have mastered the skill before dealing with the potential failures in the process to build confidence.

Tips I learned:

Through play, it can also help to make a child more comfortable with making messes, so that they won’t feel shame or major disappointment when they have potty accidents.  Especially if the parent is wary of messy play, doing things like using play doh, paint, playing in dirt, puddle jumping, etc. will get you both more accustomed to being “messy” while will make the messy potty business less shameful.

Teach them that making mistakes is okay – even making some intentional mistakes and messes in safe situations.

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I can’t even begin to share how much I learned in an hour and a half, but as a mom of a young toddler, this class totally diffused my potty fears.  I was so surprised to realize that without even intending to, we are already beginning this process. Armed with this information, I feel more confident to start step four: practice.  Stay tuned for the sequel to this post, where I will share all sorts of great tips from a bonafide expert about best practices in the “practice” stage of potty training.

Are you modeling and explaining about the potty process?  Anyone else as nervous about the potty as I was?