One of the first things people say when they hear that someone has been trying to get pregnant for a while without success is to just relax. People blame stress for lots of health problems, including infertility. This can be frustrating for those who have been trying to get pregnant for a long period of time because the whole process of TTC is stressful and when these efforts are unsuccessful month after month, it just gets worse. In addition, telling someone to “just relax” doesn’t really help them. It’s not that easy.

Liam and I checking out the waves last weekend.

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When I started seeing a therapist again (I used to see someone when I was in high school, but stopped going because we both felt like I didn’t need it anymore) when we were TTC before Liam, I told her that I thought my problem was that I just needed to relax and I would get pregnant. After all, that’s what my doctor at the time told me and what many of my friends and family suggested. My therapist pointed out, though, that stressed out people get pregnant all the time. She told me to think about all the people who get pregnant all over the world and how it wasn’t just the calm and relaxed ones that were able to have babies. Not only did this make perfect sense, it also made me feel so much better. I could let go of the stress over being stressed. I was out of that vicious cycle of feeling anxious over having anxiety about not being able to get pregnant.

We started trying to get pregnant in May 2010, one year after we got married. We conceived on clomid in May 2011 a year later, but lost the pregnancy very early. We took the month of June off and conceived on clomid again in July 2011. In March 2012, we had Liam. When Liam was a little over a year, we started talking about trying again for another baby. We thought it would probably take a while for us to get pregnant, as it did the first time, but we conceived just two months after we started trying in July 2013. Our due date was two days before Liam’s birthday. We lost that pregnancy at 9 weeks and have been trying ever since.

I’m a high school teacher. I get about 10 weeks off in the summer each year. I have taught summer school in the past, but not for the last three years. Each time we have conceived, besides the first time, which was likely a chemical, I have been off work in the summer. Despite temping, using opks, and taking clomid for four cycles, we have not been able to conceive all the months that I have been working. Could this be a coincidence? Maybe. But I doubt it.

I remember when I was pregnant with Liam, my doctor would tease me that I always seemed stressed. I would often come to my appointments straight from work. One time, I remember going when I was on Winter Break and without my doctor knowing this, he made a comment about how happy and relaxed I seemed. I remember telling him that it was probably because I had a couple of weeks off and we laughed about it, but I thought about it a lot afterwards. Was it that obvious to other people that I was stressed about work? Could that be impacting my health in a negative way?

Now that we are at the one year mark of TTC baby number 2 (we started trying last June), I’m wondering if I just need to be on break, not working, in order to get pregnant. Maybe the extra sleep, lack of deadlines, and more time to do what makes me happy are what tell my body it can make a baby. I certainly hope so…