Where we last left off, my second son had joined our family. Fast-forward nearly nine — NINE! — months, and my little baby isn’t so little anymore.
Frankly, I thought it would be way easier by now. I knew I would just have to muddle though those first few sleepless months, and then wait for the fog to dissipate. Surely it would. I would be getting more sleep — that would make everything better. Little Y, now 3, would be more independent. That would make everything better, too. I would be used to having two kids. That alone would make everything better. Right?
As with almost all things parenthood, it hasn’t worked out that way. The baby still doesn’t sleep very well at night, and his older brother — formerly a rock-solid sleeper — often throws a night waking of his own into the mix. The baby needs two solid naps a day, making it hard to get out of the house and get Little Y the stimulation he needs. Babyzilla is beyond mobile, crashing into trains and trucks and blocks and provoking his brother’s rage. I think the word “GENTLE” has lost all meaning in my house. Shouting it as much as I do is probably counterproductive, anyway.
My too-cool-for-school 3-year-old, left, and his little brother, Babyzilla
And that independence I coveted for my older son? He’s asserting it, most definitely. But “threenager” is a term for a reason, and this Jekyll-and-Hyde age can make even the most rested person a little crazy. Throw in extreme sleep deprivation, and things can get hairy. Little Y’s bedtime stall tactics literally made me sob the other day. It’s serious crazy town here, people.
I see glimmers of an easier time every once in awhile. Maybe the baby will actually sleep one day. He won’t take a bottle, but since he’s inhaling solids, I can leave the house without him for decent chunks of time. Little Y is enrolled in preschool in the fall (though he’s supposed to be potty-trained for it — please pray for us). Once the baby drops down to one nap, we may even be able to venture out in the mornings again. And surely he will evolve into more of a playmate for his big brother and less of a “baby monster,” as Little Y calls him now.
We had friends over for dinner the other night. They have a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, and swore up and down that things had gotten so much easier in the past year. I restrained myself from tackling them and making them swear a blood oath.
For now, though, I’m still in the weeds, relying on love (and caffeine … and chocolate) to pull me through.
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
Thank you for your honesty. I worry about my future juggling two one day. I hope things do really get easier for you soon!
pomegranate / 3225 posts
whoa. I’m about to bring home baby #2 and I’m so scared!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Ahhh, thanks for sharing!!! I’m so scared!!! I hope both your boys start sleeping better for you soon!
GOLD / grapefruit / 4555 posts
This all feels vaguely familiar…. like… last week familiar… Might not have dealt with a three year old but definitely the tethered to the house feeling. I’m totally with you.
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
Your honesty is refreshing . . . I wish more parents were more upfront about their parenting challenges instead of just sharing the sweet/easy/fun moments. (((BIG))) hugs to you! And many many wishes for smoother sailing and more sleep at night!
nectarine / 2641 posts
Now pregnant with #2…this just scared me… But thank you for the honesty.
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
I remember counting down to the one nap schedule too! It’s been nice having a whole morning to do things, then have one big break in the day. I didn’t have to wrangle toddler stalling issues that first year bc DH did all of that while I mostly handled the baby. I hope it gets better for you soon!
blogger / honeydew / 7081 posts
Thank you for sharing. I often worry about what life will be like with two- you’re doing an awesome job!
grapefruit / 4923 posts
hugs, you are doing a great job. every day is one day closer to baby y sleeping better, and little y growing out of the threenager phase.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
i definitely counted down to the one nap days because olive wouldn’t nap in the stroller. and she didn’t drop it until 17 months! i tried earlier but she just wasn’t ready.
i know that sounds like a long time away, but it really does get easier and easier from the one nap point. we just went to the playground a whole lot in those in between nap times.
hang in there… it does get easier!
kiwi / 551 posts
This makes me feel good and scared at the same time. It’s a struggle for me with a 2.5 year old and 6 week old and hearing that others “can’t do everything” makes me feel normal. Scared to know that it could last as long as 1 year +.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I’m hearing a lot lately that the 3s are a lot worse/harder than 2s, so you’re definitely not alone. Sending you good vibes!
blogger / persimmon / 1220 posts
Love the honest post. I ran into a random dad the other day, he noticed my huge bump and said, “My kids are 3 and 5, and we’re almost out of the Dark Ages.” I just had to laugh! Hang in there, I’ll be joining you soon.
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
Thank you for being so honest! I can’t imagine 2 being as easy as everyone on the boards makes it sound!
I hope things get better sooner then later!
cherry / 179 posts
Thanks for this post and the responses from others…needed to hear that I’m not alone! Have a 3 week old and 16 month old at home right now and the weekend was tough!
Good luck with the sleep issues, hoping that things get easier quickly for you!!
blogger / coconut / 8306 posts
I’m going to pretend I didn’t read this (and I’m going to message you in the middle of the night so I have someone to chat with at 3am!).
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
Thanks for the refreshing post!
Hope it gets easier sooner than later!!
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
Love this post. I hope it all gets easier SOON.
guest
oof! I have baby #2 due in November and will have roughly the same age gap. This post terrifies me! At least its comforting to know that when I do break down and cry, I will not be the only one that struggled.
guest
This helped me that I’m not the only who went through something similar and is still going through with a 3yr old and 11 month old.
pomegranate / 3388 posts
Oh, this post is scaring me. DH and I are talking about maybe having a second, but both of us are really freaked out about how we will manage it all. I’m not sure we’re ready to dive back into the baby craziness.
GOLD / watermelon / 14076 posts
Thank you for your honesty!
cherry / 115 posts
I’m in exact same boat. glad to hear that “still in the weeds” feeling is not my own- Have a almost 3yr old and a 7 month old. exhausted. hard to get out of house most days. sigh
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
I’m sure it’s very busy! I love those sweet pictures though.
blogger / pomelo / 5400 posts
@kml636: @Adira: @Jess1483: @BabyBruins: @Mrs. Jump Rope: @skibobrown: I hope it goes without saying that I didn’t intend to scare anyone, and even with things as hard as they are many days, I wouldn’t send either kid back
Everyone walks a different path. A little context — I got my good sleeper first, and so in many ways the sleep deprivation I’m experiencing now is old hat to those who didn’t have good sleepers to begin with. And I as a WAHM/accidental SAHM, I’ve always REALLY depended on those few precious hours of naps/after bed to feel human again, so not necessarily having that is a tough pill to swallow. Had things panned out like I had been thinking (more of a gap between kids) DS1 would have been in preschool by now and I do think that would have helped tremendously.
To balance out the Debbie Downer stuff? It’s true that having a baby again is so so so much easier mentally. Physically it’s harder (less sleep, more running after two, etc) but I really don’t worry. At all. Like, I can’t tell you how much inedible crap the baby had ingested while crawling around, because I just can’t watch him every second. Which is why I probably shouldn’t ever have a third, because he or she will be spinning from the ceiling fan by 6 months.
blogger / kiwi / 675 posts
I’ve had these issues on and off this year too. Relying on coffee, chocolate and lots and lots of love as well. I am seeing a shift as baby S just turned one. The girls are relating to each other more and more. I hope you get a shift in your sleep soon. Prayers and hugs! My friend told me the other day “being a mom of two is no joke” I thought it was spot on.
honeydew / 7968 posts
Ugh, I know the feeling. With my twin toddlers w another one on the way…. I’m scared!
persimmon / 1427 posts
Thank you for your honesty. I have two LOs and I’m in the weeds (and have been for a while). I keep thinking “it will get better soon” and “if we can survive this we can do anything”!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
hang in there, momma…and thank you for your honesty!
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
Hugs first off. If it helps to tell you it does get easier, not tremendously but some and anything is better right. I go through a lot of yelling these days (trying to work on it but its hard on my end) with their playing. Gentle seems to be a foreign concept for Drake. I think we lucked out with sleep since Juliet started sleeping through the night at 7 1/2 months and Drake has been fine since his first year. Juliet dropped to one nap (but that one can be up to 4 hours yay!) so we can get out more which helps as Im not a good mommy inside the house all day Ive learned. Drake wasnt potty trained when he started preschool. Its actually why I didnt enroll him but the school I loved said they would work with me (in the end they want your kid there more than not you know) and since he was only thee for such a short time (not even 3 hours) he really didnt have to go or be changed and it was fine. Drake trained a little before 3 1/2 and it was much easier (after that first hard hard week) I think since he was older and more ready. I can count on my hands the number of accidents we dealt with after that first week on my hand. Hang in there, message me. Im telling you itll get easier as they get odler, new challenges to tackle for sure but it will get better Hugs hugs hugs
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
I’m sorry you still feel like you are in the weeds. I can’t quite describe when it “got easier”. There was no magical age when all of a sudden I felt awesome but one day we went to the park, I had all four kids and one small bag with me that had a few spare clothes, some snacks and a water bottle and out the door we went. I stopped and thought”hey, this is way easier than it used to be.”
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
Right. There. With. You. I’m sorry that you are in this spot. I wish I could give you big hugs (and get some too!). Hang in there, ok?!
blogger / clementine / 998 posts
your boys are cuties! glad you’re blogging!