In my previous potty training post, I outlined the first three steps of the potty training process – modeling, explaining and play – as outlined by Janeen Hayward, Clinical Psychologist and sleep/behavioral consultant with Swellbeing. The next step – PRACTICE – requires a post all its own, since there was so much great information. For someone like me who went into this information session knowing very little about the potty training process, hearing about some of these “best practices,” including some great tips about dealing with potty training challenges, was so so helpful to learn before starting the practice stage in earnest. I attended the session because I didn’t want to have to undo any damage before I even began. We are gearing up to start “practice” at the end of the month, and I am hoping to get started on the right foot.
Readiness
There is no magical age when a child will be “ready.” There are a few non-negotiables when it comes to potty training, though. First, a child must be able to stand up and walk to the potty. (At least that’s one step we have covered!) Second, for optimal success, the child needs to show interest in the potty training process. Without interest, potty training becomes a battleground and a power struggle, which toddlers and preschoolers love (but doesn’t exactly make the process easy). Other positive signs of readiness include keeping a diaper dry for longer stretches, informing parent/caregiver that they are wet or dirty, and being able to pull his/her pants up and down. One major obstacle to tackle before training is constipation, either through dietary solutions or by consulting your pediatrician about the need of medication.
The speaker mentioned that there are “ideal windows” when potty training might be easier, including the early “1’s” (12-18 months), when toddlers are generally less focused on “no” and are more eager to please their parents than to assert their will. The late “1’s”/early “2’s” are a more difficult stage, when everything is a battle (see here). Typically, the most common age for potty training begins around 2.5 and continues through age 3. However, the challenge of waiting too long is that a child can become “diaper trained,” having trouble parting ways with his diapers, especially for pooping.
The Tools
This expert suggested starting with a floor potty for three reasons: the angle of their legs when sitting (which gives stability and models the natural way many kids crouch when they go), the ability to get on themselves easily, and ease of access by bringing it to where they are playing. While it is totally fine to use a seat that goes on top of the toilet (we have and love this one), she explained that the distraction and stress of running down the hall can actually halt the urge to go and mess with the relaxation process required to release (especially in the early stages). As far as floor potties go, she specifically recommended getting a seat with a padded chair, like the Prince Lionheart pottyPOD, since children sit on the seat for so much time.
Once venturing out beyond the comfort of your home, she recommended a pack of dark colored post-its for auto-flushing toilets, so that you can cover the sensors and prevent the fear of this supremely annoying technology before it starts. The other tools she recommended for outside the home is the Kalencom Potette Plus, which is a travel potty that can be a stand alone or sit over a public toilet seat.
She actually recommended holding off on purchasing underwear until the end of the process, and instead going bare bottomed at home (and using pull-ups for going out, naps and nights (or an overnight diaper if still necessary), but I’ll get to that in a minute).
The Process
What I enjoyed about this speaker’s method is that it differed from the radical “3-day” methods of all or nothing potty training. She recognized that everyone tackles this process when they are ready, and depending on caregiver schedules, it might be a more gradual process, starting just with wake time and at home and eventually venturing out into public places, and to naps and nights down the line. It’s okay to use pull-ups at nap and night, or when you leave the house at first. Potty training doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Here are the other great “process” tips she shared:
– The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your child will be.
– Once you are committed to training at home, she recommended going “bare bottomed” at home, so kids understand the sensation and feel and see the wetness when they pee. Underwear is the very last step, once the child is consistently dry.
– Kids pee anywhere from 4-6 times a day (or more). Make sure the keep them well hydrated throughout the process.
– Let your child take the lead about when they need to go to the bathroom. Remind them of the feeling in their tummy they should notice, and definitely go first thing in the morning, about 30-40 minutes after meals and before nap and bed times, and otherwise follow their needs and read their cues.
– When encouraging your child to go to the bathroom, do not ask constantly if they have to go. If you keep asking, they will say no just to have the power. Better wording to use is, “Let’s go try to use the potty” or “why don’t you go try…”
– At meal time, have your child in jogging pants, but no diaper or underwear (so an accident won’t splash the eating area – gross, but great tip).
– If your child is resistant to going to the bathroom, it’s okay to keep special toys or books in the bathroom that will help motivate your child to visit the bathroom.
– Be careful with how you react to accidents. There should be no shaming or forcing the child to clean up the mess by themselves (although it’s okay to ask them to help you). Some simple wording she gave was: “You peed. Next time, you should do it in the potty. I’m going to clean this up.” And then move on. If they poop, simply say, “let’s go put this in the potty where it belongs.” Consistently reassure them that it’s okay to make mistakes, in potty situations or otherwise.
– In an ideal world, the feeling of success should be the motivator, in lieu of incentives or rewards, since potty training is a matter of fact life experience. Tell your child, “I know you can do this one day when you’re ready” and emphasize that they should be proud of themselves when they succeed (rather than how proud you are).
– Regressions are a signal of stress – and not just “potty-related” stress. A new sibling, travel, moving, perceived marital issues between mom and dad. Rather than stress the potty, do your best to address and resolve the issue that is causing the regression, rather than adding stress by focusing on potty accidents.
. . . . .
As we gear up for this process in the Confetti household, some of these tips seem easier and more realistic than others. Staying calm will be challenging, skipping incentives (be it M&Ms or stickers or something) is something I’m willing to try but I’m not holding my breath, and I’m only hoping that I won’t freak out when accidents happen (and of course, they will – I’m pretty sure that’s inevitable).
Did your potty training experience follow these “guidelines” or did you do things differently? Any tips as we venture into the realm of the diaperless?
grapefruit / 4717 posts
We are in a similar stage now, but I think we’ve done a little more “practice.” I think some of these tips will really help. Thanks!
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
We’re not ready for potty training yet, but I love these tips!
persimmon / 1386 posts
The idea of training from 12-18 months is intriguing to me. Has anyone tried that early?
honeydew / 7811 posts
Bookmarking this!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
Great tips! J has been telling us when he pees and poos in his diaper for a couple months now, and will start walking up the stairs all on his own to the changing table and let us know that we need to change his diaper stat. He’s only 20 months, and I was not going to even think about potty training a boy til he turned 3.. so this is throwing me for a loop.
He is not as verbal as I would like, and he doesn’t necessarily show interest in an actual potty. He just is aware when he pees/poos and tells us. So I’m torn on what to do. I don’t want to wait too long and have him diaper trained or have the window close on me, but I also don’t want to jump in too soon. It’s funny that the lecturer said the older 1’s are not ideal because the 3 day potty training lady said that 22 months is ideal, which would be the older range of 1.
blogger / pomegranate / 3491 posts
@Mrs. High Heels: Just goes to show that while there are many “experts” out there, there is no real one true correct answer about anything parenting related. I think the right age is different for every kid. I’m hoping we discover this weekend that this is C’s right age
That’s awesome that J is so aware of his toilet habits – hopefully that means when you do pull the trigger, it is quick and easy!
blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts
@Mrs. Confetti: Seriously! I like expert opinion, but no one knows our kids like we do.
I’m crossing my fingers that it all goes well for you guys this weekend!
pomegranate / 3768 posts
Thanks for the great tips! DD started using the potty at 21 months and she’s doing pretty well. We’re in the practice stage. It’s been a month and she knows how to pee and poo in the potty and sometimes she’ll even tell me when she needs to go. She actually likes to sit on the potty and I’ll read to her. I haven’t had to give her any “rewards”, just praise and high fives. She’s still in diapers and pull ups and I’m in no rush to switch her to underwear. Sometimes she’ll go in her diaper and sometimes in the potty. No big deal! I figure she could practice for a few months with no pressure and we’ll go from there.
guest
This was similar to what we did, and it worked out really well for us. We started potty training at 18 months because our daughter started to tell us she had to go potty. I was a little in denial, because potty training is so inconvenient and I didn’t want to think about it that early on – but we also didn’t want to miss a window of opportunity so we went ahead and started slowly.
At home we would go diaperless, we had quite a few accidents that first week. We bought training underwear and started using those when we went out, but I would put a diaper over the training pants for car rides that were longer than 15 minutes…I really did not want to have to clean out her car seat. We also would take her to try to go potty every hour or so. We didn’t use rewards like stickers or m&ms but we did make a huge deal whenever she made it to the potty on time – we would do a little potty dance, clap, and shout together.
Overall it took about two months to completely potty train her, although we would still put a diaper on her overnight. Except for that first week, and two poopy incidents, the process went really smoothly.
grapefruit / 4235 posts
L is 21 months and we’ve just started to practice on the potty. There’s no pressure, and we just ask him occasionally if he wants to go. I’m due with #2 at the end of February, and I figure switching rooms/beds/adapting to a new sibling and starting at a new care provider will be enough change for the next 6 months or so.
guest
@neekierose all four of my brother’s children were fully trained by 18 months. The two girls were actually trained before 15 & 16 months respectively and staying dry through the night. My sister-in-law’s mother trained them all, unfortunately she is no longer with us but I wish I knew her secrets!
apricot / 317 posts
My son was 19 months when he discovered pooping in the potty. We used to just sit him on a floor potty certain times of the day…like first thing in the morning, after lunch, before bath, or whenever we had to go. When he discovered how to use it, we had no more poopy diapers at all. We waited to push the issue on peeing in the potty until just after his second birthday (he knew how to pee in the potty, but often used a pull up instead). The 3 day method worked well for us then…and bare bottomed was definitely helpful. We ended up using chocolate chips to reinforce peeing in the potty for the 3 days, but after that, he never asked for them again. We did wait to night train him until he turned 3 because of previous sleep issues.
cherry / 231 posts
@NeekieRose: Yes! My dd is 17 months old and potty trained. We started her at 15 months. We actually used the 3 day potty training method and it worked! I was pretty skeptical, but was DONE with diapers and decided we had nothing to lose by trying.
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I didn’t realize you could start practicing as soon as 12 months! We might get a floor potty just to see what happens…
blogger / clementine / 750 posts
SO happy you wrote about this. I’m overwhelmed by how much information is out there on potty training, so this was a great first step. My daughter’s definitely ready (19 months) so we’re starting to take the plunge!
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
So many great tips in here! Mini trained himself, so I really have no idea where to start with Pint-Sized. That said, we have enough on our plate as it is… so I’m not starting any time soon. I’ll be back to this when we are ready though!