Hellobee

In my previous potty training post, I outlined the first three steps of the potty training process – modeling, explaining and play – as outlined by Janeen Hayward, Clinical Psychologist and sleep/behavioral consultant with Swellbeing. The next step – PRACTICE – requires a post all its own, since there was so much great information. For someone like me who went into this information session knowing very little about the potty training process, hearing about some of these “best practices,” including some great tips about dealing with potty training challenges, was so so helpful to learn before starting the practice stage in earnest. I attended the session because I didn’t want to have to undo any damage before I even began. We are gearing up to start “practice” at the end of the month, and I am hoping to get started on the right foot.

Readiness

There is no magical age when a child will be “ready.” There are a few non-negotiables when it comes to potty training, though. First, a child must be able to stand up and walk to the potty. (At least that’s one step we have covered!) Second, for optimal success, the child needs to show interest in the potty training process. Without interest, potty training becomes a battleground and a power struggle, which toddlers and preschoolers love (but doesn’t exactly make the process easy). Other positive signs of readiness include keeping a diaper dry for longer stretches, informing parent/caregiver that they are wet or dirty, and being able to pull his/her pants up and down. One major obstacle to tackle before training is constipation, either through dietary solutions or by consulting your pediatrician about the need of medication.

The speaker mentioned that there are “ideal windows” when potty training might be easier, including the early “1’s” (12-18 months), when toddlers are generally less focused on “no” and are more eager to please their parents than to assert their will. The late “1’s”/early “2’s” are a more difficult stage, when everything is a battle (see here). Typically, the most common age for potty training begins around 2.5 and continues through age 3.  However, the challenge of waiting too long is that a child can become “diaper trained,” having trouble parting ways with his diapers, especially for pooping.

This expert suggested starting with a floor potty for three reasons: the angle of their legs when sitting (which gives stability and models the natural way many kids crouch when they go), the ability to get on themselves easily, and ease of access by bringing it to where they are playing. While it is totally fine to use a seat that goes on top of the toilet (we have and love this one), she explained that the distraction and stress of running down the hall can actually halt the urge to go and mess with the relaxation process required to release (especially in the early stages). As far as floor potties go, she specifically recommended getting a seat with a padded chair, like the Prince Lionheart pottyPOD, since children sit on the seat for so much time.

Once venturing out beyond the comfort of your home, she recommended a pack of dark colored post-its for auto-flushing toilets, so that you can cover the sensors and prevent the fear of this supremely annoying technology before it starts. The other tools she recommended for outside the home is the Kalencom Potette Plus, which is a travel potty that can be a stand alone or sit over a public toilet seat.

She actually recommended holding off on purchasing underwear until the end of the process, and instead going bare bottomed at home (and using pull-ups for going out, naps and nights (or an overnight diaper if still necessary), but I’ll get to that in a minute).

The Process

What I enjoyed about this speaker’s method is that it differed from the radical “3-day” methods of all or nothing potty training. She recognized that everyone tackles this process when they are ready, and depending on caregiver schedules, it might be a more gradual process, starting just with wake time and at home and eventually venturing out into public places, and to naps and nights down the line. It’s okay to use pull-ups at nap and night, or when you leave the house at first. Potty training doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Here are the other great “process” tips she shared:

– The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed your child will be.

– Once you are committed to training at home, she recommended going “bare bottomed” at home, so kids understand the sensation and feel and see the wetness when they pee. Underwear is the very last step, once the child is consistently dry.

– Kids pee anywhere from 4-6 times a day (or more). Make sure the keep them well hydrated throughout the process.

– Let your child take the lead about when they need to go to the bathroom. Remind them of the feeling in their tummy they should notice, and definitely go first thing in the morning, about 30-40 minutes after meals and before nap and bed times, and otherwise follow their needs and read their cues.

– When encouraging your child to go to the bathroom, do not ask constantly if they have to go. If you keep asking, they will say no just to have the power.  Better wording to use is, “Let’s go try to use the potty” or “why don’t you go try…”

– At meal time, have your child in jogging pants, but no diaper or underwear (so an accident won’t splash the eating area – gross, but great tip).

– If your child is resistant to going to the bathroom, it’s okay to keep special toys or books in the bathroom that will help motivate your child to visit the bathroom.

– Be careful with how you react to accidents. There should be no shaming or forcing the child to clean up the mess by themselves (although it’s okay to ask them to help you). Some simple wording she gave was: “You peed. Next time, you should do it in the potty. I’m going to clean this up.” And then move on. If they poop, simply say, “let’s go put this in the potty where it belongs.” Consistently reassure them that it’s okay to make mistakes, in potty situations or otherwise.

– In an ideal world, the feeling of success should be the motivator, in lieu of incentives or rewards, since potty training is a matter of fact life experience. Tell your child, “I know you can do this one day when you’re ready” and emphasize that they should be proud of themselves when they succeed (rather than how proud you are).

– Regressions are a signal of stress – and not just “potty-related” stress. A new sibling, travel, moving, perceived marital issues between mom and dad. Rather than stress the potty, do your best to address and resolve the issue that is causing the regression, rather than adding stress by focusing on potty accidents.

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As we gear up for this process in the Confetti household, some of these tips seem easier and more realistic than others. Staying calm will be challenging, skipping incentives (be it M&Ms or stickers or something) is something I’m willing to try but I’m not holding my breath, and I’m only hoping that I won’t freak out when accidents happen (and of course, they will – I’m pretty sure that’s inevitable).

Did your potty training experience follow these “guidelines” or did you do things differently?  Any tips as we venture into the realm of the diaperless?