Before having a baby, I was absolutely terrified of the newborn phase. I’m someone who desperately needs sleep, and I couldn’t imagine what constant wake-ups might do to me. I’d heard that some newborns were sleepy and cuddly, but Little Oats seemed to miss out on that memo; she was a wakeful baby right from the get-go.

At about two weeks old, Little Oats was the queen of fussing. By four weeks, I was praying for the time to go by faster; someone told me that the crying and constant nursing peaked at six weeks and went downhill from there. Then, by six weeks, I had written the following in my journal:

“K is 6 weeks old, and this past week has made me wonder if someone came and switched out my well-mannered baby with an ill-tempered gremlin. The first few days of the week brought an intense need to be bounced, rocked, walking, and carried constantly. As if that weren’t enough, her legs were constantly scrunched to her stomach with gas pains. She loves the gas drops (simethecone) and gripe water, but they are a short-lived solution; as soon as she finishes sucking them back, she’s wailing again. It takes a cocktail of swaddling, side-lying, shushing, sucking on a pacifier (or boob), and stripping her down to just a diaper to even calm the crying.

I know this is standard growth-spurt material. I know she’s acquiring new skills, she’s getting bigger, and she’s hitting the peak of her fussiness. I know all of these things, and yet I’m still finding myself furiously Googling “is my baby possessed?” and “care and maintenance of gremlins.” She’s precious, and I love her more than anything…but seriously, kid, its time to calm down a little.”

I remember that period well; she was nursing around the clock, and it was so difficult to make her happy. I felt guilty for wishing the time away, especially because we had prayed for a baby for so long. Coupled with the onset of PPD and PPA, those newborn days were dark. I was desperate for 5:00 to roll around because it meant I had some backup at home.

ADVERTISEMENT

And then, at seven weeks on the dot, the gremlin vanished, and my happy little girl returned. Whether it was a growth spurt or a Wonder Week, I guess I’ll never know, but the change was remarkable. She was sleeping four hour stretches, and there was a (somewhat regular) sleep-eat-play rhythm to our day. As she got older, the days got better, and I found myself fully enjoying the time we had together.

Though I felt (and still feel) incredibly guilty for wishing those early days away, I look back and remember just how hard it all was. Little Oats was a relatively ‘easy’ baby, compared to some of my friends’ kids, and yet I feel that I struggled so much. As we look toward trying for baby #2, this reminder of the gremlin phase terrifies me a little. But in the grand scheme of things, a few weeks is nothing. If there’s one thing I keep learning throughout this parenting journey, its that nothing lasts for long.

What was the most difficult stage for you? Are you concerned about the temperament of future children?