Hellobee

So far, in my series about challenging behavior we’ve talked about:

• The four functions of behavior
• Attention-seeking behaviors
• Escape behaviors

And now, we’ll talk about behaviors that function to gain access to a tangible (like an item or place). These are the behaviors you see when a child starts throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target because they want a new toy, or when your child throws themselves on the floor screaming because you’re holding something they want (like a cell phone – that’s a frequent occurrence in our home!).

If you’ve read my last few posts on the topic, I’m sure you can guess exactly what I’m going to say about these behaviors – don’t give your child access to the item they’re trying to get. I could talk about how there may be tantrums, how you should ignore them, and how no matter what happens you should be sure not to give them the desired item until they display appropriate behavior. But, I think by this point you probably get the idea. Instead, I’m going to give you a few quick tips and tricks for how to flip these behaviors around and use them to your advantage!

– If there’s an item or activity that your child is very motivated by, turn this into an opportunity for them to earn it! If your child is on the younger side, it may be helpful to make a visual so that your child can remember what it is they’re working for. I use this trick in my classroom all the time – a perfect example is a student I have who loves Scooby Doo. If I let him, he’d watch Scooby videos all day long. But that isn’t going to happen. Instead, I made a quick behavior chart for him with a picture of the beloved characters, and I turned it into a puzzle. There are six pieces and throughout the day he earns pieces for appropriate behavior, working hard, and just generally going above and beyond my basic behavioral expectations. Once the picture is complete, he gets 5 minutes of watching Scooby videos.

This trick can be done with just about anything – print out a quick picture of whatever toy your child is working for, or even an activity or place they really want, and don’t give them access to it until they’ve earned the whole picture. Then, when you’re seeing inappropriate behavior, you’ll be shocked at how quickly it turns around if you simply say, “that’s not how you earn a puzzle piece…” – it’s like magic!

– Create a “parking spot” for items that your child has a hard time parting with. Some children find it really difficult to let go of loved items, and (especially when they’re younger) don’t always understand that they’ll get it back. If you have a toy or stuffed animal that your child just can’t leave behind, designate a safe space for them to put that item so they know exactly where it is, and they know they’ll have access to it later. It can be a basket, a taped-off area of a table, or maybe a cupholder in the car (if you’re having a hard time getting your child to leave a toy in the car when you’re running errands). Teach your child that when the item gets “parked,” it’s off-limits for a little bit, but they can have it later. Be sure you allow your child to be the one to actually park the item and get it back – giving them some ownership and control over the situation will help ease any anxiety about letting go. You can practice leaving the item when it’s not really necessary – when you’re playing around the house, have the child park the item for short increments of time and immediately get it back, just so they learn the routine. It will make the process easier if you make sure they’re comfortable with the idea of parking the toy or item before you actually need them to leave it. Jackson is too young to fully understand this concept yet, but we already use a variation of it with his pacifier – if we let him he’d suck on it all day, but the rule is that his pacifiers live in the crib and in the car. He knows that when he gets out of bed, he has to give up the binky, and has to do the same when we leave the car. This has helped him stay calm when he has to give it up, because he knows it’ll be there waiting for him!

– Finally, sometimes the item or activity your child wants just isn’t available. Jackson already broke my cell phone once, so I’m not about to let him play with it again. And quite frankly, no matter how cute he is begging to play with my steak knife at dinner, it’s just not gonna happen. In these cases, redirection is your friend. You can’t give in to the behavior, but you can provide an alternate behavior or activity that may distract your child from the original. When Jackson starts whining for my fork or knife at dinner, I hop up and get him his own (toddler) silverware. It helps him feel a bit more included, and usually is enough to get his mind off of it. If it’s not? I’ll either put the item away (if it makes sense and is easy to do so) or just wait the behavior out until he’s ready to move on.

Wrong end, dude.

One key to remember with younger children is that visuals are your friend! Sometimes all it takes is a quick printed out photo to remind your kiddo of the expectations and what they’re working for, and you’ll see a whole different (and much more desirable!) set of behaviors.

What tricks have you used to improve behavior in your home lately?