As I shared previously, my partner was very involved in preparing for our baby. He took the lead in reading the books and identifying the classes we should take as well. Mr. Milk has a few specific recommendations if you want to prepare your partner for a new family member. I second all of these as the one carrying the baby, as it was very useful to read (well, skim) these books and attend the classes too!
W H A T T O R E A D
1) What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Surprisingly, Mr. Milk LOVED reading this. In his words, it prepared him for all the different things that might happen, was incredibly thorough, and once he had read it, he realized that there are so many variations of ‘normal’ for pregnancy that there was little cause for worry in most cases.
2) The Birth Partner: We decided early on that Mr. M would be my partner and coach during labor. I bought him this book and he really enjoyed it. It has a very holistic approach to childbirth, and great tips for pressure point massages you can offer during the pains of labor. I loved it because it had a great section on the difference between pain and suffering, which helped me sort through some fears I had about childbirth. It’s also the same book our doula references during labor!
4) Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth: This is a book I actually read first, and asked Mr. Milk to then read. It really helped solidify my mindset as I prepared to give birth, as the many stories of successful natural labors was inspiring. The second half, after the stories, was truly fantastic in sharing the history of childbirth and methods and means for labor and childbirth today. This book helped Mr. M and me to be on the same page for our expectations of how to help labor along, and ways to ensure it wouldn’t stall because of things in our control – like laboring around someone who might cause me stress.
5) Bringing Up Bebe: The only ‘parenting’ book I read and then Mr. Milk read. It’s an interesting read and solidified some of our thinking on being parents who try to raise children who can self-soothe during sleep and enjoy all kids of foods. We tried ‘the pause’ and I think it helped William in his early months of sleep. (Sleep after his first cold and developmental leaps are a story for a different day!)
6) The Happiest Baby on the Block: Mr. Milk read this at the recommendation of our childbirth class mentor, and successfully utilized the 5 S’s frequently with Will during the early days. Quite the lifesaver in those first weeks!
With our spiffy name tags at childbirth class.
C L A S S E S T O A T T E N D
– Childbirth/Labor Class: There are so many options for technique-specific childbirth classes, (see here, here and here for just a few) but we attended the one our hospital offered and our midwifery practice recommended. We opted for the two-day/six hour per day class, rather than attending two or three-hour classes over the course of several weeks. This class covered all manner of ways to manage pain in labor, and we even practiced breathing through ‘labor’ – Mr. Milk got to place an ice pack against unsuspecting parts of my bare skin while I had to breathe rhythmically! Did it prepare me for breathing through pain? Ha, not really but it was a good focusing exercise. There were babies for swaddling practice, a very long video on car seats, and chairs for pregnant people to put their feet up on! We actually ended up having a great time at this class, and recommend attending some kind before the real thing!
Babies for practice!
– Breastfeeding Class: Our hospital/birthing center offered a free two-hour class on breastfeeding with the purchase of our childbirth class, and so we attended this a few weeks after our weekend of learning about labor. It was great for normalizing the idea of breastfeeding, but rubbish at actually preparing us. Fake nursing a teddy bear? Not so helpful. However, attending with your partner is great because then both people have the same expectations around nursing and feeding a child, and the challenges that might arise with the process!
– Infant CPR Class: This critical class is available online, through the Red Cross, the American Heart Association, and, in some areas, even in stores such as Babies ‘R’ Us and Destination Maternity. Hopefully never needed, but so comforting to have in your back pocket, just in case!
What areas of learning do you think are most important for your partner and yourself before birth?
blogger / wonderful cherry / 21616 posts
I really loved The Birth Partner and DH read it when I asked him to, and he thought it was very informative – I actually included it in my list of favorite pregnancy-related literature too http://www.hellobee.com/2012/11/29/pregnancy-literature/!!
Good list!
blogger / cherry / 204 posts
Love The Birth Partner, we recommend it to everyone, we read it together and it was a great experience, preparing and getting excited for birth like that. I also really enjoyed the birth stories section of Ina May’s guide, I found them really empowering, it erased any fears I had and replaced them with excitement for taking on the challenge of childbirth!
pear / 1622 posts
We looked at a few books but I mainly kept my partner in the loop about what to expect by forwarding the what to expect emails and we’d talk about them. He attended the labor class and breastfeeding class with me which helped prepare us for both – he definitely remembered a few things from each class and has been super supportive.
I also made him participate in registering and selecting a stroller and baby carrier – he doesn’t like to shop but knew these are big purchases that he will be using with LO too so it needed to be a team decision.
blogger / pear / 1964 posts
I liked Bringing up Bebe — thought it was interesting insight.
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@Mrs. Pen: hey hey! great minds!
@Mrs. Pom Pom: EXACTLY! those were my two preferred/favorite labor preparation books.
@autumnleaves: that’s a great approach! and I totally agree- both partners should be in the know about those big gear purchases since they are both used so much by both people and baby.
@Mrs. Tricycle: agreed! helped me frame my mindset.
nectarine / 2210 posts
I read Bringing up Bebe back before I was even pregnant. Then while pregnant read both Ina May’s book and Happiest Baby. And since I like your husband loved finding new books to read, also read two books on the Bradley method and one on breastfeeding. While I enjoyed some more than others, I definitely think they helped prepare me for all that was to come.