A few months in to this parenting gig, I can safely say the I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. And yet, I feel pretty good about how Will is being ‘raised.’

There are a number of approaches to parenting. Some titled quite intentionally (free range parenting, for example) and some that are categorized upon reflection (helicopter parenting – the euphemism given to a parenting style of my childhood). Mr. Milk and I regularly have discussions about the type of parenting we see around us, what we were raised under, and most importantly, what we want to be. In early days, before Will arrived, this manifested in choosing a book or two to read about parenting and kid-raising. Now it mostly revolves around speaking with other parents, in person or virtually, like on our Hellobee boards, and very specific Google searches (which, let’s be real, the latter really rarely helps any parent make a sound decision).

I would deem that the approach that Mr. Milk and I – and, I would hazard a guess, so many of you all, my parenting peers of the 21st century – have chosen should be dubbed ‘purposeful parenting.’  Purposeful parenting, by my definition is this: we try to go with our gut, minimize Google search storms, rely on a few chosen books for general advice, listen to one or two trusted sources for most decisions and constantly facilitate discussions with our partners about the kind of parents we see around us and what we strive to be. To Mr. Milk and me, it’s this last part – those ongoing discussions – which is the most important aspect because it helps us come to consensus and find the middle ground if, say, our gut goes against what our chosen trusted source is recommending.

For what it’s worth, our personal identified trusted source in this approach is our pediatrician. We met all of the doctors in our pediatric practice and one doctor quickly became our favorite. It was his demeanor, his practical advice (rooted in his learning and experiences as an Osteopathic Doctor and his time as a hands on parent of two little girls, one of which was born just one month after Will), and the general vibe we had when with him. We decided in Will’s first weeks that we would start with his advice and answers to our questions as the root and beginning of our decision making, and go from there.

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Just after some mashed apples – purposefully purchased

A recent example of how this approach has shaped a parenting decision is in regards to beginning solid foods with William. We started by hearing from our parents on how they began solids with us as babies, chatting with our friends with kids, researching in the few books we have, and reading about things like baby-led weaning and other hybrid approaches as shared here on Hellobee. And then, at our four-month pediatric appointment, our trusted source told us to start purées at five months, introducing one new food every four days. My gut and reading had me leaning toward baby-led weaning using real food from our plates. I listened to the pediatrician, and then brought up what I believed and we came to an agreement. After a few more discussions of synthesizing all the information and recommendations, Mr. Milk and I decided to start with mashed stage 1-type foods and offer chunks of said food too. In another few weeks, when Will is 7.5 months, we plan to offer chunks of food including meat, and continue our modified traditional/BLW approach.

I will say, our little seems to prefer the mashed stuff with a spoon, and he loves guiding the spoon to his mouth. He still seems puzzled by chunks of foods that we offer, but we’ll continue to offer them so that he feels some control over his eating, in addition to experiencing the purees/mashes.

Similar stories abound with utilizing this ‘purposeful’ approach to figuring out routines/schedules for our little guy, bedtime, middle of the night wakings, and the like. There seems to be so much information available to us these days – in books, online, from others (as communication is so easy now) – that we all have to very carefully filter through it and make choices about what seems best for our children. There seems to be no better definition for it than purposeful; and I hope that by labeling now, it will ground me to ensuring that the choices we do make are grounded in a solid reasoning and experience.

How would you define your parenting approach? Do  you agree with my definition and use of “purposeful parenting”?