A few months in to this parenting gig, I can safely say the I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. And yet, I feel pretty good about how Will is being ‘raised.’
There are a number of approaches to parenting. Some titled quite intentionally (free range parenting, for example) and some that are categorized upon reflection (helicopter parenting – the euphemism given to a parenting style of my childhood). Mr. Milk and I regularly have discussions about the type of parenting we see around us, what we were raised under, and most importantly, what we want to be. In early days, before Will arrived, this manifested in choosing a book or two to read about parenting and kid-raising. Now it mostly revolves around speaking with other parents, in person or virtually, like on our Hellobee boards, and very specific Google searches (which, let’s be real, the latter really rarely helps any parent make a sound decision).
I would deem that the approach that Mr. Milk and I – and, I would hazard a guess, so many of you all, my parenting peers of the 21st century – have chosen should be dubbed ‘purposeful parenting.’ Purposeful parenting, by my definition is this: we try to go with our gut, minimize Google search storms, rely on a few chosen books for general advice, listen to one or two trusted sources for most decisions and constantly facilitate discussions with our partners about the kind of parents we see around us and what we strive to be. To Mr. Milk and me, it’s this last part – those ongoing discussions – which is the most important aspect because it helps us come to consensus and find the middle ground if, say, our gut goes against what our chosen trusted source is recommending.
For what it’s worth, our personal identified trusted source in this approach is our pediatrician. We met all of the doctors in our pediatric practice and one doctor quickly became our favorite. It was his demeanor, his practical advice (rooted in his learning and experiences as an Osteopathic Doctor and his time as a hands on parent of two little girls, one of which was born just one month after Will), and the general vibe we had when with him. We decided in Will’s first weeks that we would start with his advice and answers to our questions as the root and beginning of our decision making, and go from there.
Just after some mashed apples – purposefully purchased
A recent example of how this approach has shaped a parenting decision is in regards to beginning solid foods with William. We started by hearing from our parents on how they began solids with us as babies, chatting with our friends with kids, researching in the few books we have, and reading about things like baby-led weaning and other hybrid approaches as shared here on Hellobee. And then, at our four-month pediatric appointment, our trusted source told us to start purées at five months, introducing one new food every four days. My gut and reading had me leaning toward baby-led weaning using real food from our plates. I listened to the pediatrician, and then brought up what I believed and we came to an agreement. After a few more discussions of synthesizing all the information and recommendations, Mr. Milk and I decided to start with mashed stage 1-type foods and offer chunks of said food too. In another few weeks, when Will is 7.5 months, we plan to offer chunks of food including meat, and continue our modified traditional/BLW approach.
I will say, our little seems to prefer the mashed stuff with a spoon, and he loves guiding the spoon to his mouth. He still seems puzzled by chunks of foods that we offer, but we’ll continue to offer them so that he feels some control over his eating, in addition to experiencing the purees/mashes.
Similar stories abound with utilizing this ‘purposeful’ approach to figuring out routines/schedules for our little guy, bedtime, middle of the night wakings, and the like. There seems to be so much information available to us these days – in books, online, from others (as communication is so easy now) – that we all have to very carefully filter through it and make choices about what seems best for our children. There seems to be no better definition for it than purposeful; and I hope that by labeling now, it will ground me to ensuring that the choices we do make are grounded in a solid reasoning and experience.
How would you define your parenting approach? Do you agree with my definition and use of “purposeful parenting”?
cantaloupe / 6669 posts
I giggled at “very specific Google searches,” because wooboy that is me, but in a different way than you probably mean, haha. For example: “Is it bad to squirt ketchup on individual bites of food for my child if that’s the only way she will eat?” Not a ton of accurate results for that one.
Hopefully your purposeful approach is a little more fruitful!
apricot / 409 posts
That picture of your son is adorable! And the caption is hilarious.
I think we’re kind of doing purposeful parenting as you described it too. I also have no idea what I’m doing haha, but somehow my daughter is a fairly healthy almost 10 month old. I’m still struggling with getting her to eat chunks of food. She still only likes purees and does not like meat.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
in the early days i drove myself crazy trying to read every book and internet article out there on sleep (our achilles heel). after that, we’ve been pretty random, although i do read hellobee quite faithfully and get lots of different ideas from there–it’s nice to have various perspectives from parents who treat similar situations differently.
blogger / apricot / 310 posts
@daniellemybelle: haha right? I am so guily of that when I am at my wit’s end too! I think searching for thoughts on the interwebs is part of the “purposeful!” I mean, we are trying to very specifically understand one piece of our child’s behavior, rather than a whole sweeping thing, right?!
@tiramisu: that’s so interesting! My son has definitely shown a little less interest in chunks, but I wonder if that will change wheneve transition to table food/what we are eating?
@edelweiss: different perspectives is the best part, right?! I love how we have almost instant access to parents we know in real life and virtually to lend an ear and offers suggestion. Invaluable to me as well!
blogger / cherry / 204 posts
I think we essentially take the same approach, I think we’d call our style something like “well informed free-styling”. I read up on pretty much everything parent related and then do what feels natural for us and our babies. My husband made a perfect analogy once with a Diane Rehm quote about how she prepares for interviews by thoroughly researching everything about her guest but doesn’t go into the interview with a set plan of questioning, rather she just goes with the flow of a natural conversation. Its funny because as far as the solids go our son was the opposite, never interested in purees from a spoon but went crazy for food that was on our plates, which totally supports this approach, babies are humans and just aren’t all the same so no rigid method of parenting could ever make sense!