Spreading the news that you’re expecting a little one is usually pretty exciting – figuring out who to tell first (the cashier at the grocery store because she won’t tell anyone you know and you’re just BURSTING!), and then announcing it to the world through social media or with the clear appearance of a growing belly is all a rite of passage for us parents-to-be.

Telling your place of work, especially when you got pregnant between the interview and official hiring offer, and planning to begin the job at six weeks pregnant, though? That’s a cause for some anxiety and general wonder about how the process should go down.  It was for me, at least!

We found out I was pregnant at Thanksgiving, and the first week of December I was offered the job.  I set a start date for two weeks later, in mid-December and immediately went shopping for some work clothes that would be more forgiving as I grew this baby.  I wanted to show up in clothes that weren’t skin-tight so that when I wore looser blouses later on, it wouldn’t be a cause for question and I would have, in theory, the ability to share the news when and how I wanted.

My plan was to wait as long as possible, and after I had spoken with HR, to share the news with my new manager and colleagues.  Ideally, at least until I was in the second trimester and after my first official appointment, at 10 weeks pregnant in early January.

This plan, unfortunately, didn’t come to fruition.

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ANNOUNCEMENT Our social media pregnancy announcement, shared at fifteen weeks.

Two weeks after I started, my supervisor noticed my frequent restroom breaks, ginger ale drinking and lack of coffee drinking and outright asked me.  I chose to answer honestly, as I wasn’t sure how I wanted to break the news anyway, and asked her to keep it just between us until after that first appointment.  A few days later, though, I found out that my pregnancy – whether or not I was pregnant, mainly – had become a topic of conversation, so I chose to tell my team manager, and then the team.  It happened a bit unceremoniously and before I was truly comfortable sharing the news. There was a fair bit of tears on my end over the course these events (which all happened in about ten days’ time), but it did end well.  However, I learned a lot about the process of sharing the news, and have some reflections from my less-than-ideal experience I’d love to share with you!

Let me first say, though, that this shouldn’t be taken as legal advice – these are simply my understandings of HR policy and discrimination law as they applied to my situation.  It may be similar for you – or not! I’ve tried to include some links to reputable places to do more research, but the place to always begin is with YOUR Human Resources, employee policies/handbook and HR point of contact.

To begin with, my manager asking me outright if I was pregnant may or may not be legal. It depends on your state and your state’s laws, but in my case, since I wasn’t a job applicant, it wasn’t technically illegal.  Her intent in asking was curiosity, and she had no plans to use my answer as any determination in my employment, e.g. promotion, salary, etc. Most HR policies and state laws do discourage asking an employee this question.  Though I didn’t feel completely comfortable disclosing my pregnancy status, I felt the benefits of honesty outweighed any negatives with my specific manager.  Her response was positive, which helped my feelings upon reflection.

When I get pregnant again, I plan to take these steps, in this order:

  • Immediately reach out to HR and request an updated copy of the HR policies of my organization.  Read it closely and write down any questions I have.
  • Choose a time to disclose, in writing with a note about confidentiality, my pregnancy with HR.  Ask my questions, again, in writing, and make sure I’m good to go with my leave (I am still enrolled in short term disability, which was a huge help after Will’s birth/during my leave. I recommend looking into what your organization’s policies are for leave, and if unpaid, check out other options.  Keep in mind that you often need to enroll in these plans prior to pregnancy. It differs company to company.)
  • Develop a work plan for major projects/people I manage and how I’d like to see them through over the next XX weeks before I take leave/have the baby.
  • Develop an ideal maternity plan, including dates and transition back to work (if I want to return!) to share with my manager and team.
  • Set up a formal, short meeting with my manager to share my news.  Doing this in an actual meeting means that the topic doesn’t get pushed to the bottom of an agenda, or happen as a quick aside.  We can actually have a conversation, and I can share the plans I’ve developed for my work and my leave.  We can discuss any changes that may need to happen while I’m pregnant, or after I have the baby. We can also discuss how to share the news with teammates and colleagues.
  • Share the news with the team.  I have friends who let the news become known naturally – as the bump grew.  From my experience, it stressed me out to be the subject of office talk and so I think, next time, I’d rather just find a way to either formally announce it, or tell people in small ways.

1118 Celebrating being pregnant and proud, at seventeen weeks.

There’s a few things I learned about pregnancy, lactating and work, from my research. In general, here’s some good to know information if you live in the U.S.:

  • You can’t be fired or have your position change because of your pregnancy.  This includes the fact that someone can’t not hire you because of your pregnancy or a chance of pregnancy in the future.  This was my saving grace when I started my job already pregnant!
  • You may be entitled to different accommodations if you are pregnant.  This is especially true if you have a job that involves being on your feet all day.  Your pregnancy must be treated the same way any temporary disability is treated. Check out the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’s link for more information.
  • You aren’t entitled to leave, necessarily – if you are, it would be, at minimum, twelve weeks unpaid.  You are only guaranteed this twelve weeks under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) if you work for a company with 50 or more employees, and if you have worked at the company for a year or more.  There are some other factors, like the number of hours worked (there is a minimum), and it can differ based on your place of work. Check out your HR policies, again, for this info.  Note, though, that if a company offers leave via FMLA, it must be available equally to men and women for care of a newborn.
  • You can’t be treated differently if you are still feeding your baby with breastmilk after you return to work. In fact, you have be given a space for pumping that has a lock and a door if you work somewhere with more than fifty employees.

This is a great article with more information, and I encourage you again to view the EEOC’s link above for full information.

How did you share with work your news? Did it go as planned? Any other suggestions for mamas who are worried?