Hellobee

I am endlessly fascinated by the myriad of ways that partners share parenting duties, and how parents structure their time with their little ones. Since Mr. Milk is currently in a role where he works a nonconstant shift schedule – from a couple of days on the ‘day’ shift, a couple of ‘overnight’ shifts and some ‘swing’ shifts thrown in there – I have had a few months as a truly humbled but happy solo parent. When Mr. Milk is around, we very much share the parenting equally, with perhaps even some of the items skewing toward Mr. M so that I can pump or shower without the worry of entertaining or protecting a small person.

In the interest of my own fascination in this topic, I decided to spend this past weekend recording what a typical few days look like for us – one day where we were both off work on a Saturday, and another where I solo parented from early morning until early evening as Mr. Milk worked the day shift on a Sunday. Let’s jump in, starting with Saturday, which was more of an ‘equal partner parenting’ day.

Saturday

6:15 AM: Will wakes up.  He has been sleeping better at night but it has correlated to earlier wake times in the morning – while he used to wake somewhere between 7 and 8 AM, he now rouses anywhere between 5 and 6 AM most mornings. I’m not sure if it’s because of the sun rising earlier and our lack of blackout curtains or just a general shift in his sleep, but it certainly has been interesting waking up with the little guy at different and earlier times! I grab him from his crib at about 6:45 AM, grateful for the few extra minutes he entertained himself so Mr. M and I could slowly wake up. I change his dirty diaper – which has happened the last few nights, likely because we’ve added a round of solid foods just before bed each evening – and bring Will back into our bedroom for some morning playtime. He loves the remote control and happily rolls himself around for a good while as we watch and play along.

7:30 AM: We all transition downstairs, and let the pup out. I warm the milk for Will’s first bottle, while Mr. M gets the coffee going and feeds the dog. I give Will his reflux meds, and settle him in the pack n’ play with his 6 ounce bottle of breastmilk, pumped the day before. I settle in for my first pump of the day, and Mr. M makes us both a little breakfast and pours the coffee.

8:20 AM: Will shows his first signs of being tired- snuggling up close to Mr. M and rubbing his eyes. Will isn’t an incredibly snuggly kid, but has been much clingier lately – and I’m not complaining! Mr. Milk changes a second dirty diaper and dresses Will for the day, and we spend the next hour taking turns trying to help Will settle in for a nap in the pack n’ play. I shower at some point, and when it’s clear that Will is really struggling to nap, we make the executive decision to go to the grocery store, which means of course: carseat nap!

9:25 AM: We pile into the car and not ten minutes later, Will is asleep. We drive around a nearby regional park while he sleeps, passing the time by talking about our jobs, the future, and, of course, Will. Our current parenting challenge is solid foods as he loves his purees but is struggling with any real food. We brainstorm ideas for getting him excited and relaxing in general about our approach to feeding him. Will wakes happy at 10:45 AM and we head toward the grocery store.

11:00 AM: I carry Will in the Ergo, our grocery shopping tradition, and give him some of the berry/veggie juice I buy because I am hungry. It has cherries and is a new flavor for Will so he makes a bunch of funny faces as he drinks some. I laugh at our brilliance of giving him a bright red juice while in a white shirt, but luckily it stays all near his mouth. Mr. M and I divvy up the items to buy so we can get done quickly, as most of our free time in the morning was spent letting Will sleep. Within thirty minutes we are done and in the car to go back home.

11:45 AM: We get home and I again settle Will with his bottle and pump for the second time of the day. The bottle is soon nearly gone and Will decides it’s time to play. We are supposed to be leaving in about 45 minutes to meet some Peace Corps friends at a local Buddhist temple for celebrations of the Cambodian New Year. To meet this goal, Mr. Milk and I begin a flurry of activity. By 12:10, I have pumped, picked a new outfit for Will which will be better for the warm day ahead, packed the diaper bag and Mr. M has unloaded the groceries, changed and dressed Will and we are eating! Will has some playtime in his jumper while we eat leftovers from a great pizza place we went to Thursday. We all enjoy a few minutes of playing and are in the car ready to go by 12:35 PM.

1:10 PM: We arrive at the celebrations and find our friends. It’s hot outside and very sunny so Will wears a hat and practices his new skill of drinking water from a sippy cup. For the next few hours we wander around the temple grounds, eating and drinking familiar foods from Cambodia and eventually head inside the temple to sit down out of the sun’s glare. Many others are inside eating their food, and it is carpeted so we all decide to hang out. Will is excited and spends the next hour and a half crawling from person to person. He eats a bit of puréed fruit, including mango for the first time.

3:30 PM: It’s time to go and Will is ready – the second I place him back in the K’tan, he passes out. I notice a bit of redness around his mouth, likely from the new fruit, but it doesn’t feel warm so I don’t worry. We say our goodbyes to our friends and put Will in his car seat, where he continues his nap as we drive home.

4:3o PM: We are home after taking the longest way possible to help extend Will’s nap and he wakes up happy and hungry. I give him a bottle and sit down to pump for the third time. Mr. M plays with Will and begins to sweep our back porch in preparation for friends coming over for dinner.  Will watches from his jumper and then joins Mr. M to get the grill ready for its first use of the year.

5:00 PM: I play with Will, meaning I follow him around as he crawls from one object to pull up on to the next while Mr. Milk prepares dinner. We are trying to walk the fine line between encouraging exploration and setting limits, all while letting Will get gentle bumps but not seriously injured as he leaned to move about on his own. He settles down on the floor with some toys and his pants, until it’s time for some solid food dinner.

6:00 PM: Our friends have arrived and it’s time for some solid foods!  Will gets some vegetables and fruit for dessert from our friends, as Mr. M finishes up dinner preparations. I get a lot of adorable pictures of him smiling as they feed him, and use the time to help Mr. Milk with the final touches on dinner.

6:30 PM: We eat a delicious dinner outside in the gorgeous weather, while Will entertains himself. Around 7 PM, he shows telltale signs of sleepiness, so we begin preparations for bed. I warm some milk, get his evening does of reflux meds ready, and then we walk upstairs all together. We sing a cheesy song about bedtime as we go, following all the routines we’ve built over the past eight months: stopping to say hello in the mirror in the hallway, turning on the sound machine and one lamp as we enter the bedroom, and turning on the bathtub in time for one of Will’s favorite parts of the day: bathtime!

7:05 PM: Will is in his bath, and loving life. We recently bought some tub toys, which he loves, as he has transitioned out of the baby tub into the full tub with about four inches of water. If anyone has any advice for keeping baby seated while bathing, though, do share! I am on constant refrain these days with “we stay on our bottoms in the tub” as Will tries to crawl, pull up and do just about anything except sit! Bath time ends when I get tired of saying this, after about seven or so minutes.

7:15 PM: Will is in his pajamas and sleep sack, and Mr. M carries him through our rituals of saying goodnight to the lamp, the alphabet on his wall, and the animal mobile hanging from the ceiling. Mr. Milk and I rotate giving a bath and doing the bottle/put down parts of bedtime. Tonight was my turn for bath and so Mr. Milk settles into the cozy armchair we have in Will’s room, and I give Will a big kiss and a little goodnight song, hand him off and slip out of the room as Mr. Milk gives an excited Will his bottle. I can’t tell if this is going to be an easy or difficult night, but I’m hopeful.

7:35 PM: My hopes are dashed when Will proves impossible to settle fully for sleep. Mr. Milk and I again rotate calming and placing Will on his back in the crib. Eventually, on my second time in his room and the fourth attempt overall, I give in and rock him to sleep, humming “Twinkle, Twinkle” as we sway. Will finally sleeps, I place him in his crib and leave. He stays asleep this time and I note that the clock now says 7:50, which is typical of a ‘bad’ night for putting Will to sleep.

8:00 PM: The adults decide to make s’mores on the grill, using giant roasting marshmallows Mr. M and I found at the grocery store earlier in the day. They take forever to perfectly roast, but are delicious once it works! I keep Will’s monitor close by, just in case he needs some more love.

9:30 PM: Our friends have gone, and I settle in for my fourth and final pump of the day. Mr. Milk washes bottles and generally organizes the kitchen as I pump, and I jot down notes about times for this post. Finally, around 10 PM we crawl into bed and hope for a good night of sleep.

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How does our Saturday compare to your typical weekend?