Due to Mr T’s work schedule, I end up doing dinner + bedtime for the kids alone most nights. When D was very young it was hands-down the hardest part of my day! To be fair I was also juggling his broviac IV and other medical stuff which had to be taken care of each evening, but even still it was very hard for me. Now that they’re a bit older (1.5 & 3.5) and I’ve had over a year of experience, it’s a pretty low-stress part of our day. Here are my 5 biggest tips for flying solo at bedtime – especially with more than one LO!

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The look of fear on D’s face appropriately encapsulates how I used to feel about bedtime!

Find a routine, and stick to it – This is probably the best parenting advice I’ve ever received. Kids (and most adults!) thrive in environments when they know what to expect. It really doesn’t matter what the routine is, although the simpler the better (and more easily replicated). Our general bedtime routine goes like this:

  • Finish dinner, everybody goes upstairs for a bath (they love baths so this thankfully isn’t a fight)
  • D gets scrubbed down first, then K (they get really confused if I go in a different order!)
  • Playtime in the bath until they start splashing too much, the water gets cold, or somebody (not naming names!) poops/pees in the water
  • K out first, dried off & stuck in a robe to run around
  • D out next, dried off & wrapped up in my arms, gets teeth brushed
  • Everybody gets lotioned up & pjs on (D first, then K)
  • Read 1-3 books sitting in D’s room
  • Lights out, turn on his musical aquarium, snuggle with him in my arms for a minute, have him say goodnight to K and then plop him in the crib
  • Head downstairs with K for a last snack before bed
  • Back upstairs for one last potty trip & brush teeth
  • Read 1-3 books in K’s room
  • Lights out, in the bed, all done!

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Minimize transitions – I try to minimize changing rooms/floors as much as possible during our routine. They both tend to get really settled easily and it’s hard to get momentum to go somewhere else! That’s why I brush D’s teeth right after the bath, so we don’t have to return to the bathroom. It’s also why I get D ready first and why I bought K a robe so he’s not running around naked! Because he’s obviously not potty trained, one big priority is getting a diaper on him ASAP. If he’s up on the changing pad already I might as well take the extra few minutes to lotion & pj him up instead of having to corral him back to his room to put clothes on. I wish that their bedtimes were closer together so I could drop the “run downstairs for a snack” part of the routine, but it’d be too early for K to sleep. Herding him back upstairs is often the most exhausting part!

Give transition warnings – Both of the boys are AWFUL if I am too abrupt with changing things up. I often give at least two warnings that a change is coming (like “2 more minutes of play in the bathtub, and then we have to get out!” or “ok this is the last book we’re going to read before going to sleep!”) and this seems to help.

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Include some independence – K gets some time to wander about when D is getting ready, and then they switch. K then gets the extra time downstairs when D is sleeping. I know that I feel better about going to sleep if I’ve had some time to myself first, and I think they’re the same! I let K pick out his pjs & underwear and have started letting D pick his. Of course they are also both totally in charge of choosing their respective bedtime stories, which they both take very seriously and sometimes debate for a long time over their choices! I think being able to exert some control helps them to ease through the rest of it.

Plan ahead – I try to be on top of the silly things, like keeping the bathroom stocked with towels and washcloths and bringing K’s pjs into D’s room so we can all stay in one place to get ready. I also try to be mindful of more time intensive tasks (like cutting nails – I have to do all 40 of them!) and start the routine a bit earlier on those days.

Probably none of those tips are very surprising, but I think the overall concepts are helpful for me. Another thing that has helped a lot is that neither kid relies on a complicated or particularly labor-intensive bedtime routine, and that we have no tolerance for bedtime shenanigans. We worked hard in the early days to get them off of falling to sleep crutches (like rocking to sleep or continuously replacing pacifiers) and have them rely on themselves or certain objects in their rooms for soothing. They both have fans for white noise and special blankets to cuddle, and D has had his musical aquarium since his NICU days. D has also so far been stuck in the crib and doesn’t cause much trouble (very rare for him to cry or protest when we leave the room, he normally goes right to sleep), but occasionally K will want to come downstairs or run around the house. I try to be as un-fun as possible when I respond to him, and just basically repeat the same things (“it’s time to rest, you need to stay in your bed”). If he needs to go potty he can go by himself (I leave his stool & insert ready for him and a nightlight in the bathroom) and if he asks for water I’ll bring him a small cup and then say that’s enough. After lights out, no requests for more books or playing or anything are ever indulged!

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What are your solo-parenting bedtime tips? Am I missing any big ones, or any big time savers?