Hellobee

Having twin toddlers is a special kind of crazy. I love those little bundles of energy, but it sometimes feels like my day is one big blur of tantrums, emotional breakdowns, and discipline. For a while, I was truly feeling like I must be a terrible mother because my kids were just unhappy and miserable all day long. I knew toddlers were challenging, but it was just constant fits, crying, timeouts, and neediness and that had to equal out to me doing something wrong. After talking to a couple of my mommy role models, I realized that while toddlers can be a special brand of torture an emotional, physical, and mental challenge, my perspective on my kids was skewed by the fact that there are two two-year olds. I lost sight of any of the sweet, funny happy moments because nine times out of ten, I was dealing with an unpleasant moment with the other twin when one was having a great moment. It’s hard to separate in my mind that they aren’t both constantly distraught and demanding tyrants because as their mama I’m dealing with one or the other’s unhappy moments all the time.

A rare quiet moment with all three boys.

At the end of the day, I don’t feel like we had a lot of time being happy or having fun. But my very wise mommy role models all said some version of the idea that when their kids were toddlers, they had to force themselves to make a special effort to see the good things to make sure they actually noticed and remembered them in the haze of toddler chaos. One of them told me, “I tried to watch for anything good–even if it was just that they all walked out to the mailbox without having any issue. And we had a very short sidewalk, so really take whatever you can. Find something, however little, so you realize that they really are happy and funny and sweet throughout the day even if it’s just for a few seconds at a time.”

With this in mind, I decided I would just make an effort to notice and write a note on my phone (since that’s what I have with me usually) of one good, funny, or sweet thing that each of my boys did during the course of the day. They’re little bitty things, and I still really struggle with feeling like I do anything but deal with toddler meltdowns, but I think it’s helping. I can look back and remember that there really were good and happy moments during the week. For instance, yesterday these were the things I wrote:

Elliot – Finn was screaming (he was sick), and he and Graham were both in the stroller. Elliot wanted to ride in the stroller, too, but I asked if he could be a big boy and walk by mama instead. He smiled and nodded and came over by me and walked all the way inside right by me instead of me having to fight him about it or just carry him in while pushing the stroller.

Finn – At the doctor’s office, he was so well behaved and funny. He kept talking about how the “dockie” (doctor) was going to look in his eyes, nose, and mouth with a “fash light.” When the doctor came in, he just laid there and let him do his examination without fussing or  fighting. On the way out, he was waving to all the nurses and doctors and making everyone smile.

Quite honestly, a week ago, I would have forgot those moments because my day yesterday was primarily filled with a child who had an ear infection and literally screamed almost the entire day. It was not a good day by any calculation, but because I was making a specific effort to find something “good” about each of the big boys, I ended up especially noticing (and praising, too) their great behavior and happiness when it happened.

It takes virtually no time in the span of the day to write down a couple of good things, so my plan is just to turn this into a habit and carry on with it for the foreseeable future. Every stage will have challenges and I think even when I only have one child in a difficult stage, like when Graham is a toddler, it will still do me good to specifically look for the “happy” in our days.

Want to join me in taking time to look for the happy?  What do you do to keep perspective during the rough toddler years?