When I think about having two kids, each day is a little different.
Some days, I just can’t wait until Baby Oats gets here. I’m picturing the four of us waking up, sunlight streaming in the windows, and heading downstairs to snuggle on the couch with breakfast. I imagine that Little Oats is a doting big sister; she brings diapers and wipes when the baby needs to be changed, she shares her toys, and she is content to play while I nurse. Our days are filled with fun outings; we’ll go to storytime at the library, attend the moms and tots program at a local church, and spend afternoons at the splash pad (because the weather WILL be nice enough for the splash pad). In my mind, even the more difficult days will still be wonderful; yes, I might need a little more patience, and I’ll definitely be sleep-deprived, but isn’t that what coffee is for?
Then, we face a day where everything seems to go wrong. Little Oats wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, she spends the whole morning whining and tantruming when things don’t go her way. Even giving into her demands for TV shows and yogurt raisins don’t touch the grumpiness; they just make it impossible to do anything EXCEPT watch TV and eat yogurt raisins.
I struggle with the thought of two. Yes, things could be wonderful – Mrs. Tea’s post gave me some hope that a schedule is possible. But then the anxiety starts to creep in. I imagine the wakeups at night – if Baby Oats is anything like Little Oats was, I’m going to be up an average of 4 times nightly for at least 6 months. If he wakes his older sister up, then we have two kids awake to worry about. Sleep deprivation and I really don’t get along – I worry that there will be no magical double naps, and I won’t get any downtime. I’m sure my house will be a colossal mess, and I’m afraid I will rely on the TV to occupy Little Oats too much.
All of these thoughts buzz in my head, keeping me up at night trying to figure out how I’m going to cope. And then I’m reminded that I’m only thinking about what I know. Little Oats was a terrible napper, and needed to be held all the time. She didn’t sleep through the night until 15 months, and she nursed constantly. I’m imagining, in all of these scenarios, that Baby Oats will be the same. I don’t know that – he might be an awesome sleeper, totally easygoing, and this might all be pointless to worry about. I plan to baby wear, which I hardly ever did with Little Oats. I hope to use a pacifier, and get Baby Oats to take a bottle, which will also be a change (hopefully for the better).
Yes, my anxieties and worries are valid. But worrying about them is fruitless; I’m not getting anywhere by pacing in circles trying to figure out what life is going to be like.
I think that might be both the best and worst part of parenting; you never quite know what is coming next.
Were you nervous about the newborn stage the second time around?
pomegranate / 3565 posts
Yes, I was nervous but it was so much easier. My body wasn’t as shocked by the sleep deprivation and I just didn’t worry as much. I guess that just goes with being a mom for the second time. I’m not a scheduling kind of mom, though, so I didn’t have that pressure on myself. I also knew my maternity leave was a short 12 weeks so I just soaked it all in with both my boys.
Having two kids close in age is the best thing I’ve done. They are best friends already and love each so much. It was an easy transition.
pear / 1837 posts
I’m due in December with my second and am scared! My daughter didn’t STTN until 21 months… I was so tired I just wasn’t myself. And we currently live in a 2 bedroom house, so unless we can move before baby comes, they will be sharing a room. What if they’re both awake????
wonderful olive / 19353 posts
Such a great post!!! I’m newly preggo with #2, but I’m already worrying myself crazy thinking what if #2 is a terrible sleeper like it’s big brother?? He didn’t start STTN till 18 months and even now at 25 months, he still has multiple awakenings sometimes!! 2 terrible sleepers?? OMG!! But then DS is great during the day and an awesome traveler, so what if #2 is the opposite (because you know how they say the 2nd one is…)???
So many “what-ifs”!! Like you said, I just have to reel it all back in and accept what comes. Who knows! What if #2 is an awesome sleeper from the get go who STTN after a couple months AND is an awesome trooper and traveler like big bro?! How awesome would that be! *thumbs up*
guest
We have 2 – 25 months apart. Some days are great, other days I thank god for daycare. LO 1 was a great sleeper, but a terrible eater. LO 2 is up multiple times (he’s 4 months) but a great eater. LO 2 is still in our room because of the multiple wake up and hubby wants our room back (we’re in a 2 bedroom place). So do we put them together and hope that LO 1 sleeps through the wake ups?
We just toilet trained LO 1 so now we have to be on her like a hawk, so what does that mean for the baby (aside from baby wearing all the time)?
Also, both kids were up around 5:30 this morning. It’s after 1 and I’ve barley eaten breakfast, let alone lunch. Haven’t had a cup of coffee. I did take a 20 minute nap while LO 2 napped (after it took an hour and a half to get him to nap).
But on the plus side, both kids (when they’ve had enough sleep) are super happy kids and they clearly love each other (LO 1 is one of the only people who can get LO 2 to laugh and he looks for her when she’s home).
guest
I am so with you on this! My son was a great night time sleeper but I keep wondering if I’ll get that lucky again? What if I have a colicky baby and lose my mind ha?? The wondering and worrying is endless so I try to just not think about it. But I also am someone who NEEDS sleep, and I’m not sure what I’ll do if I don’t get enough. I try to tell myself that literally millions of people have had two kids, so I’ll survive. But…oh the unknown ha!!
nectarine / 2987 posts
Oncfirst baby had reflux, colic, a dairy allergy, amd didn’t sleep. We are only eight weeks into baby number 2 but so far she only wakes up once or twice a night, she’s perfectly willing to sleep in a swing or the RNP, she nurses efficiently, and is generally easy going. I would even say that having two is easier than having a toddler and being pregnant.
guest
Just try to remember to take a deep breath, & as with all things with kids, it’s a season & the things that are troublesome will pass & soon be a distant memory. My 2 are 2 yrs apart & there have been nights with both continuing to wake one another but those times can be counted on one hand. Best wishes!!
guest
DS is 2y9m and I’m nursing my 11-day old Dd as I write this. Was also so anxious about this transition but have found the second time easier than expected due to increased confidence. You sound like you have a good plan of what you’ll do the same and differently – that’s great! And who really cares if your daughter watches a little more TV than you’d like for a few short weeks or months so that you can catch your breath? And totally agree that this is easier than being super-pregnant and running after a toddler!
apricot / 370 posts
DD1 is 5 now, and DD2 is 2 1/2. It’s hard not to get so worried about what it will be like and how the 2nd one will be. The anxiousness of not knowing made me just want to get the 2nd one out and let’s get this going already. I did feel like I was so much more chill about the 2nd, having the knowledge and comfort as 2nd time parents, and I could REALLY truly enjoy the newborn stage so much more and appreciate how sweet it was, and how fast it was going to pass. BUT, it is a constant balancing between the 2 from the very get go, which was the hard part to me, of having a 2nd newborn–tending to a newborn but also take care of and giving DD1 attention too. I agree with the other posters though, much easier balancing 2, then being pregnant and running after toddler.
guest
#2 in November and SO scared and anxious. Minus some early feeding issues, our first was potentially one of the easiest newborns on the planet. Not fussy, slept 10-12 hours/night consistently by 10 weeks, could sleep/nap wherever and whenever, didn’t need to be held that much, etc. We’re going to be in for a world of hurt…there’s no possible way we could end up with it as easy again. And now I’m even more scared to death than I was before my first – the horror stories of colic or sleepless nights or bad nappers or ones that hate their carseats/swings/whatever – because I only know how to deal with an easy kid. I can faintly hear the Jaws music playing on repeat in my head at all times….
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
We have two – DS is almost 2.5 y.o. and DD is 7.5 months. I was defintely scared for the newborn stage, but it turned out that DS and DD were drastically different newborns. They each had their own preferences from the beginning and while it wasn’t easy both times, we eventually learned what they liked and worked with it. Luckily, DD is a good napper and loves being worn which makes it easier on us since DS was and is a crappy napper. Thankfully though they are both good night sleepers, which makes sharing a room easier for them and us!