Now that I’ve been a mother of two for all of 8 weeks, I thought I’d pass along a few tips that I was given. Honestly, I was terrified of what it might mean to have a two year old at home in the first few weeks with a newborn. Pregnancy hormones meant I could barely handle my toddler on my own; throw in sleep deprivation and another human to take care of, and I was certain that disaster was coming. Mr. O was extremely busy at work, so I was on my own with both kids when Baby Oats was only 3 days old. I reached out to friends, Hellobee members, and family who had handled 2 kids flawlessly (it seemed), and the following tips were some of the best advice I received:
1) You can’t be in two places at once. With two little people who need your attention, eventually you’re going to be pulled in both directions and need to make a choice. If both kids are crying at the same time, you need to decide who gets tended to first. Just making this choice means that someone WILL cry for longer than you’d like…but there’s not a whole lot you can do to change that. Kids are resilient, and they will quickly learn that your attention needs to be shared. Since Little Oats is older, she usually understands if I need to attend to Baby Oats first. That being said, she doesn’t often cry- so if she is legitimately upset about something (hurt, or angry, etc), I try to respond to her first. Baby Oats won’t remember if he wasn’t nursed right on time, but Little Oats will remember if I didn’t snuggle her when she fell down.
2) Newborns get easier. Thinking about Little Oats as a baby, I was really dreading trying to manage a newborn and a toddler at the same time. But, for some reason, the second time around, I was shocked at how easy my newborn seemed. Yes, they’re up around the clock, and they are completely reliant on you, but for the most part, newborns are predictable. They eat, sleep, cry and need to be changed. Out of your two kids, chances are your newborn will be the easier one. In comparison, my two year old is a challenge – tantrums are real and they’re a lot more difficult to deal with (for me, anyhow).
3) Thirty minutes is an eternity. When both kids are sleeping (or occupied), it is amazing what you can get done in a short period of time. For me, there’s about 30 minutes around 1:00pm where both kids are resting; I can blitz clean the main floor, or get dinner ready, or make grocery lists and fold laundry. It’s incredible how much more efficient you will get…even if it’s out of necessity.
4) Babywear. I had a K’Tan wrap with Little Oats, and I used it occasionally, but for the most part, I held her in my arms or put her down in the swing. With Baby Oats, I’m chasing a toddler around constantly. I need to be down on the floor playing, or making lunches and dinners, or grocery shopping. This is so much easier when babywearing is a habit. I either put Baby Oats in the Moby wrap or my Tula, and instantly I’m hands-free to help Little Oats with whatever she needs. The bonus is that Baby Oats falls asleep 9 times out of 10, and will nap at least an hour and a half while I’m wearing him. There are tons of great local resources for baby wearing – if you’re interested, check out Facebook or look for local babywearing groups (like Babywearing International).
5) Reach out for help: I know not everyone is as fortunate as I am when it comes to close family. My mother and MIL, plus both SILs are within 5 minutes, and they’re often willing to help out. If you have family or friends around, don’t hesitate to ask for help. On days when Little Oats proves difficult, I will often call on someone to hold the baby while I make her lunch or put her down for a nap. If you have friends with kids, they’ll understand – they’ve been there before too.
6) The days are long but the years are short: Yes, this is a little cliched. But to be honest, it’s completely true. Each 24 hour period can seem like a week, and yet there is never enough time to get everything done. So relish the time you have with your littles, and worry about things like dust-free shelves and shiny floors another time. The dishes can wait until after bedtime, the laundry can wait until the weekend. Enjoy your babies while they’re still babies.
What is the best advice you’ve received regarding parenting two (or more) kids?
cherry / 108 posts
I past my due date for baby #2 last Friday so I am still having moments of freak out when I think of having two kids! Especially because I find it exhausting handling my 2 yr old sometimes and she goes to daycare!
I’ve heard a lot of moms say to tend to the older child first if you need to be in two places at once. My daughter can be a handful sometimes so I think this will be true for me. Thanks for the tips. Will definitely be referring back to this in a few days when I have this baby!
blogger / cherry / 204 posts
One thing I’ve learned in this year of caring for 2 under 2 on my “long days” at home with them is to work on my ability to just be present in the moment, (which sounds like another cliché!) but its actually a real thing that you need to consciously work at to achieve and it can have a real impact on your stress level, or at least it did for me. With two there is obviously much less time to get done the things that need to get done , and when you get stuck in activity after activity that keeps you from that to do list, like the process of getting my toddler to sleep, nap time and bedtime, which was where I learned this best. I realized that when I laid there and soaked up the moment, when I focused on something like his sweet little face or the lyrics to whatever song I was singing him, when I was fully there instead of thinking about all those things I was going to do as soon as he fell asleep, I was not only less stressed in that moment, I was slowly transforming the way I went through my whole day every day. Its basically taking a moment to meditate on gratitude and it has been hugely beneficial to me as a mom and as a person.
pear / 1632 posts
Love this! I’m adjusting to having two and it’s exhausting but worth every sleepless night. This stage will pass so I’m trying to enjoy those little moments each day.