Ooooooh, the pacifier. Such a love/hate relationship we’ve had over the years. There are some who swear their loyalty to this beloved tool, some who warn against them and people who land somewhere in the middle. We drink the paci Kool-Aid over here at the Confetti house. Colin started his life as a pacifier addict. At some point in his eighth month, we restricted pacifier use exclusively to nights, naps and super-long road trips. It only took a couple days to fall into that new normal. Which stuck. For YEARS.
Two years later, when C was two years and eight months old, he became a big brother. My husband and I feared disrupting the pacifier equilibrium before welcoming a new baby, who would more than likely use a pacifier too. And then we dealt with the adjustment to being a new big brother. And then we dealt with crib jumping and the transition to a bed. And then we moved. And started a new school. To say that the past year has been an eventful one for my little big boy would be an understatement. His life has been turned upside-down, and the comfort of the pacifier has been a constant. He just loved that friggin thing, and the thought of one more change, one more upheaval in his life, just broke my heart.
And then he chipped his tooth. Majorly, on a ride at a local fair. Cue an unscheduled visit to the dentist. (I bet you can guess where this is going.)
At Colin’s three year visit, the dentist we saw suggested we drop the pacifier use before our next scheduled visit. When we came in three months later for chipped-tooth-gate, her colleague told me I should take it that night, that weekend at the latest. His bite wasn’t fully closing, and the longer we waited, the higher the likelihood we’d be dealing with increased orthodontic intervention down the road. Mr. Confetti had already been pushing (…for months) that we take away the pacifier, so this was just the push I needed to get on board.
We had already planted the idea after Colin’s three year dentist visit that we would soon have to say good-bye to the paci (or as C calls it, his “pepi”). After the chipped tooth fiasco, we had the dentist tell C that the Pepi Fairy would be visiting very soon.
For two days, we gave Colin ample warning that over the weekend, the Pepi Fairy was coming. We made a plan to put all of his pepis in a box and leave it outside his door, and while he slept, she would take the pacifiers to kids who didn’t have any and in return, he would get a super special present when he woke up. We hyped this up a lot. A LOT. And cancelled any non-essential plans for the weekend. And we braced ourselves for what could be a rough week ahead.
On Friday night, we boxed up the pacifiers (of course, after I captured a few last photos of C with his favorite paci) and left them outside his door. We went through our normal bedtime routine, albeit at a more relaxed pace, and braced ourselves for the tears. As we sang our bedtime song, they came. And it was heartbreaking And we hugged him tightly and reminded him that he was a big boy and was so brave. We finished the song, and we left the room. I sat in the hall outside his door while his cries eventually turned to whimpers and he fell asleep.
The next morning, Colin woke up earlier than usual, and, without a pacifier acting as a happy mute button, loudly chatted to himself while he waited for his green light to turn on. At 6:45 am, Mr. C and I both came in and loudly exclaimed that we saw some awesome package all wrapped up in the hall. The Pepi Fairy had noticed that Colin was newly obsessed with Paw Patrol, and she decorated his doorway with pup-themed decor and delivered a TON of Paw Patrol fun. The look-out, the pups, some of their vehicles. Toddler. Mind. Blown.
The morning passed with ample distraction and fun with non-stop Paw Patrol play, and at nap time, we braced ourselves for no nap. I think because Colin didn’t sleep particularly well, he basically passed out at nap time without much protest. And that night, at bedtime, he asked if he could bring a Paw Patrol pup with him to bed to help him be brave. You betcha.
Overall, my worst fears were unfounded. I feared he would go weeks and weeks without a good night of sleep and likely never nap again. I’m not gonna lie – we had a couple tough weeks. For a few days after that first night of tears, we saw more tears. And it was sad. And I wanted to cry with him. But I stayed strong, and after 3-4 days, there were no more tears. After two weeks, his sleep was mostly back to where it was. He had already been flirting with the disappearing nap, and he continues to do so, but I think that can be attributed as much to age (3.5!) as it can be attributed to the lack of a pacifier. We are somewhere around 50/50, and I’m hoping to maintain that for a while. I worried that his need to suck was still strong enough that he’d replace the pacifier with a thumb or finger, but thankfully we haven’t seen that at all. What I also feared was resentment toward his little brother who still uses his own pacifiers, but none of that came to fruition.
What I did learn is that it is absolutely true when they say that it’s much easier to take a pacifier away from a six month old or one year old than it is an older child. I had hoped that we could ride the paci wave until Colin felt ready to drop the habit on his own, but that didn’t come to pass. So with Asher, who is now almost 11 months, Mr. Confetti and I are already discussing our plans to take away the pacifier just after his first birthday. Yes, it may be tough dealing with a week or two of disrupted sleep, but in the long run, I expect it will be significantly less painful that if we wait.
Anyone else struggle with when to take away the paci? How did you do it? How did it go?
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I’m in this boat right now (kid is 2.5). She only uses it to fall asleep – it seems to be a trigger for her to actually conk out when she’s ready for sleep. She doesn’t ask for it and doesn’t miss it mentally/consciously, but she struggles actually falling asleep at night. We stopped using it for naps entirely, and at night we now let her talk and do laps around the crib without it and when she seems to be settling down and getting quiet, we give it to her to help get her into actual sleep. Otherwise she struggles and it’s heartbreaking so I just haven’t found the will to give it up completely. Most of the time it falls out and she sleeps fine without it so I think we’re getting closer but when we try to go cold turkey I feel awful because she gets so frustrated with not being able to fall asleep and doesn’t know why. Which is also why the paci fairy and paci going away is hard to make the connection, since for her it seems to be a physical thing more than a mental one. So yeah…
guest
We also just went through this! Our oldest is 2.5, and he has used the wubanub soothers since birth – the ones with a small animal hanging off the soothie. I had already sewed on “stronger” soothers at 1 years old because the flimsy ones meant for infants weren’t working for him…but two weeks ago, my husband noticed he had bit through the soother from all the yanking he does on the monkey that hangs off it! I was ready to dash to the store and buy another super-strong soother to see on, but my hubby suggested we wait and see if he could manage without. We have dealt with longer “falling asleep” times, and an earlier wake-up, as well as hearing LOTS of chatter on the monitor (as hubby says, the hole is literally “unplugged” now!) but overall it’s going great. I didn’t think about this benefit when I first started using Wubanub soothers, but it’s been awesome to now just remove the soother, and leave the animal with my son to be a comfort item. Makes the separation a bit easier I think!
pomelo / 5084 posts
What a good mama you are, decorating his door and bringing gifts in exchange for the pacis! We’ll probably take your idea when the time comes. I had some illusion of not introducing a pacifier for awhile and then naturally ended up giving DS one in the hospital (!) when I saw his strong sucking reflex! He is one month now and LOVES THOSE THINGS. So … I think this will be us down the road, too!
guest
My first we waited until the day before his third birthday. He was mostly Ok, but cried for it at night a few times. Unfortunatly his younger sister still had hers and as a toddler she found it easy to pop her pacifier in his mouth when he was sad. He always accepted that they were hers, but liked them until she was de-pacied at 23 months. Which went better, she only missed in on our daily stroller walks for a few days.
Both were done before the third came along. She got a bad cold at 9 months and was very pissed off that the pacifiers no longer felt or worked right with a stuffed up nose. So we were done.
I already have some ready for number four.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
Yeah my DD is two and still walks around with it. We are working in leaving it at home or inside when she goes out but she has it around the house all day. I’m hoping to get her to leave it in her bedroom when we make the move to a toddler bed. I have no idea how I’m going to take it away from her for sleep
nectarine / 2797 posts
We were able to get our girl off it at 2.5 by snipping the tip, but we were so scared!
kiwi / 558 posts
Our toddler was obsessed with her paci a Wahbunab, and we were super scared to take it away. Then 2 months after her 2nd Bday, after a
trip to see Nana, I just decided to say we lost them all and couldn’t find it. So that night after flying and using one for the flight, we were home for 3 hrs and had to do bed time without a paci. It well remarkably well. The next day there were one or two times she asked for it, but after saying they were lost, she was fine.
We realized it was totally a crutch for us as parents and she was ready to be done because she didn’t really put up a big fuss!
eggplant / 11408 posts
Our LO is 20 months, and I am so scared to take it away! I think it’s coming sometime after the New Year, but goodness, I’m not ready. I go back and forth between “we need to get rid of this right now” and “they’re only little once.” But she is also pretty obsessed, so we’ll have to see how it goes. I’d love for it to be done by the time she is 2.
grape / 98 posts
Yup, this is what we need to do. Sigh.
guest
We just did this exact thing a couple weeks ago (paci fairy and everything!) and it went way better than I expected. She had already been down to only night usage and hadn’t used them at naps since around 15 months.
We also had change after change all year long (new house, new baby in August, new bed, etc.) and had been putting it off because of those. She adjusted well to everything so we gave ourselves the 3 year mark as the cutoff. We’ve seen some disrupted sleep (waking more, whimpering in her sleep) since we took it away, I assume because now she can’t soothe herself as easily…but she hasn’t cried for it and falls asleep just as quickly as before. So hopefully we’ll just need a little extra time for her to get back to sleeping fully through the night again.