Being an older mom and having my first when I was 38, I knew that if I wanted another child, I needed to act quickly since my biological clock was clicking like a time bomb. However, unlike a few of my AMA (advanced maternal age) mom friends who currently have two under two, I still only have one daughter who will be turning three this May and I’m currently not pregnant.

So does this mean that I’m one and done?

I’ve had to think a lot about this in the past few months and I am still unsure. Ideally, I would love to have another child but I have a few fears and concerns especially since I just turned 41 last fall. Statistically speaking, the odds are not ever in my favor and that scares me.

After DD turned one in May of 2014, we were open to having another child, but we decided to wait another 6 months before really trying. Once she was a year and a half old, we started TTC but that’s when Mr. Schoolbus got busy with work and would work late nights or travelled often during the days when I was ovulating! Talk about bad timing! Fast forward a year later and still no baby or pregnancy. I’ve been charting. I peed on ovulation sticks to see when my peak days were. But life happens and sometimes DTD when you need to doesn’t happen when you want it to. It has been a bit discouraging and disappointing to say the least. So what’s an advanced advanced maternal aged mom who wants another baby supposed to do? Here are a few options:

1) FERTILITY TREATMENTS – Some of my friends have asked us why we don’t try IVF or go see a fertility specialist. I was able to get pregnant the first time without seeing a fertility specialist, so I don’t feel the need to do so with a second child. I know plenty of people who have different opinions about it, but for myself this was never something I even thought about or considered. I know that I could possibly be experiencing secondary infertility, but if that’s the case then maybe it’s not meant for us to expand our family. The cost of seeking fertility treatments isn’t covered by my insurance anyway, so that in and of itself makes it a less feasible option.

ADVERTISEMENT
2) ADOPTION – When I was younger, I remember listening to a song by a Christian artist named Steven Curtis Chapman which really moved me about adoption and orphans. I even went to China one summer to help out an orphanage! That was many years ago when I was single and just starting out in my career as a teacher. A lot has changed since then, but Mr. Schoolbus and I have talked about adoption before we had any kids. It’s something we would need to talk about in more depth once we decide to stop TTC. We would need to do a lot more research and weigh the pros and cons to decide if that’s something that will be right for our family.

3) ONE & DONE – We would love to have a sibling for Little Schoolbus but if it doesn’t happen, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Everything with my daughter thus far has been relatively “easy.” My pregnancy was smooth despite my age. My labor and delivery was uneventful – from my first contraction to when I delivered her was a little over 9 hours. She has been pretty healthy minus a few colds, fevers and upset stomachs here and there. She’s hit all her milestones and is an easy-going yet shy child. I have no complaints about motherhood other than the usual gripes of being a mom. If we are unable to have another child, I would be sad but I like our little family of three. So being “one and done” isn’t a devastating option in my mind. However, I would feel a little bit of guilt that I wasn’t able have another child and provide a sibling for her. Little Schoolbus has been around a couple of babies and seems to actually like them. When we visited and hung out with friends with babies, she didn’t care for them at first but then later, she warmed up to them. She even talks about them sometimes. Seeing her fawn over one now that she is older tugs at my heart and thinks about what a great older sister she would be. The fact that we couldn’t provide that for her makes me so sad.

.  .  .  .  .

Out of all the options, the one that gives me the most grief is being one and done. Even though I tell myself that it’s perfectly fine to have one child, I think the guilt of not being able to have another one tears me up inside. I also don’t want option 3 to be “forced” on me, but for it to be my choice which I’m not completely ready to embrace just yet. Honestly speaking, if I was even a couple of years younger, I wouldn’t feel this way because I would feel like there was still time. But being in my early 40s, time is not my friend but an enemy since each cycle without a pregnancy is a reminder to me that time is ticking and will run out soon.

Mr. Schoolbus and I haven’t made any definite decisions about this just yet. He’s also in the middle of transitioning to a new career, but we will know within the next couple of months which direction we will be headed. But for now, we will keep TTC. I will keep charting. I will keep peeing on sticks.

Did anything influence your decision to either have more kids or be one and done?