I have shared about our relationship with Little Piñata’s birthmother in the past in 2 different posts. But, it’s been 2 years since I wrote about it and as we all know, relationships are always changing, so our relationship with his birthmother is no different.

We have continued to email her updates and pictures every month or two, but we actually have not met in person since my last post. Sometimes life gets crazy for everyone and dates just don’t work out. We also know that she will always love Little P so much, but assume there are also days or even life phases that must make it harder to make plans to see her son that is being raised by other parents. She is such a brave and courageous woman to have made such a difficult decision, knowing that it was the best decision for both him and her at the time. So, as long as we can, we will always stay in contact with her because we never want Little P to lose his connection to his birth family.

The exciting thing is that we now have plans to meet with her this summer! We haven’t mentioned it yet to Little P in case it doesn’t work out, but we know he is going to be so excited! We talk about her so often with him and how much she loves him and took such good care of him while he was growing in her tummy, that it will be good for them both to see each other again.

And of course, there are two birthmothers in our family and I have yet to share about Sweet P’s birthmother. We met her for the first time the day we met Sweet P, just one day before we brought her home. We were pretty nervous going into the meeting, but connected with her pretty quickly just like we did with Little P’s birthmother. She was not as interested in a very open adoption or sharing personal contact information right away, so we first sent all of our photos and updates through the agency, who passed them along to her for the first year.

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But, just a couple of months ago we got to meet in person again! It was such a special and emotional time for all of us. She was absolutely so excited to see and hold Sweet P again for the first time since leaving the hospital just days after she was born. We spent a couple of hours sharing all kinds of stories about Sweet P and all the cute things she does, and we got updated on all that had happened in her birthmother’s life as well.

There are so many aspects of adoption, and the relationship between adoptive and birthparents is pretty complex. I can only imagine what it must be like to choose other parents to raise the child you gave birth to, and I’m sure they wonder what it’s like for us as well. Adoption has a lot of loss in it that often gets glossed over for the really beautiful part about adoptive parents welcoming a new child into their family, but there is also a deeply spiritual and emotional bond between us that is impossible to share with words. To hug and connect with the women that chose ME to be the mother of their children is a pretty unexplainable feeling. I know we both love these children in such intense ways, but still in different ways. And I’m the lucky one that gets to tuck these kids in bed at night, kiss their boo-boos, and snuggle with them when they’re feeling sick. And even though Sweet P’s birthmother told us multiple times on our visit that she was so glad she picked us and is so grateful for the decision she made, I know she misses Sweet P so much. Her home had several pictures of her framed, and she said it would be impossible for us to send too many pictures. So, we have started sending pictures directly to her instead of through the agency now. And more often!

I know the future of our relationships with our kids’ birthparents is unknown, but I am choosing to be grateful for the connection we have now and plan to take lots of pictures to share with our kids as they grow. I want them to know as much as we know about their birth families and histories for so many reasons, including the desire for them to have answers to their questions as they grow up, and biology and genetics starts to mean more to them than it does now.

I feel so grateful for these women, and I always feel it even more strongly on Mother’s Day (which also happens to be the day that Little Piñata was born). Without these women my life would look drastically different. I wouldn’t be a mom, and I certainly wouldn’t be the mom to these two kids who make my life so crazy, exhausting, and wonderful every day. And whatever I can do to honor them and their role in my kids’ life I will do. On days like Mother’s Day when emotions run high, I take some extra time to thank God for them and how much they loved and cared for our kids before we even knew they existed.

If you adopted your children have you been able to have an open adoption? What does it look like for you?