I hope my last post about becoming a nanny highlighted how special and unique a nanny relationship can be for both the nanny and the family. But choosing someone you trust to watch your children is not an easy task. Unfortunately there is no scientific method to it. It can be a long process and you might not stay with the first person you hire. Here are some tips for choosing a nanny taken from the nanny’s perspective. My number one piece of advice is to trust your instincts and remember this quote by the beloved Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

1) Start the interview before they arrive. Observe how (and when) they respond to your emails or texts. Watch how they enter the room and note if they get there on time. Punctuality is SO important for a nanny because often times the parent(s) can’t leave for work until the nanny arrives. Notice how they are dressed. Apparently, my boss was put off by the fact that I was wearing heels to my interview! I had decided to go in looking professional but she wanted to know I would get down on the floor and play with the kids. Luckily, that one detail didn’t stop her from hiring me.

2) Observe the nanny with your kids. This is SO important. My interview was in the morning at my boss’ office and later that day I went to their house to have pizza and meet their two kids. I will never forget the first time I met my nanny kiddos. Nanny girl was an adorable, wiggly 11 month old and nanny boy was a cute and chatty 5 year old (who remembers our first meeting too). I clicked with them immediately and now I know the feeling was mutual. Having met with a different family a few days prior, I knew these kids and I had a connection.

3) Be up front about those things that deal-breakers for you. Does the homework have to be done before play time? Are your kids allowed to eat meals in front of the TV? What happens when one of your children misbehaves? What are your expectations of the nanny while the children are at school? Your nanny should be 100% on your team and that means disciplining the way you do. It worked in my favor that I did not have kids yet and did not have a ton of opinions built up, but my bosses and I seemed to have similar styles anyway. I knew it was up to them to make the parenting decisions. It was up to me to enforce, support, and follow those decisions.

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4) Trust your gut. This one is simple. Don’t leave your kids with someone that makes you nervous, ignores your requests, or that your children really, really don’t like (beyond normal kid complaining). It’s more important to find the right nanny than the quickest, easiest, or cheapest option. Taking more time in the beginning to find the right match will save you time in the end.

5) Be generous. Childcare is definitely a huge expense these days, but often you will find better quality nannies when you offer a higher wage. Try starting the nanny at a slightly lower hourly rate with the understanding that they will be bumped up after a trial period of a few weeks or months. This way both parties get to test the waters before you pay the full wages. My bosses also paid for my CPR and first-aid training, as well as my city bus/train pass. These are great incentives that show your potential nanny how valuable they are to you.

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From my personal and observed experience, the best nanny/child(ren) relationships come from the ones that fit in like family. In these situations, the more respect you give your nanny, the more they will feel welcome and trusted which means they will be happier and in turn, better at their job. And since their job is watching your children, you want them as happy as possible! That’s not to say you might hire someone who turns out to be awful, and in that case, it’s best to let them go as soon as you know it’s not going to work out.

A final piece of advice, choose a nanny your children like, but also someone you like! It doesn’t matter if your kids think they are hilarious and awesome if they just rub you the wrong way. My boss and I are good friends and our relationship foundation was made in those beginning years when we were getting to know each other. She and her husband always treated me as an equal and I always felt appreciated. My bosses and I enjoy each other’s company and they are the first to say I helped raise their children. We made a great team.

I plan to share more about my nanny experience in the future but are there any questions I can help answer?