Hellobee

I have never celebrated Christmas in my own home and I’m 33 years old. I don’t know what it’s like to wake up in my own bed excited and wondering if Santa has arrived. I have zero memories of opening presents under our real tree growing up because it was always at the curb a few days before Christmas. I can’t imagine what it’s like to walk around lazily in matching family pajamas because I’m used to being busily surrounded by 15 or so other people.

I’ve spent every December 25th in Bismarck, North Dakota with my mom’s family every year of my life. My mom is a teacher and as soon as she was off for winter break we’d be in the car heading north. In a place where blizzards are frequent, she and my Dad made the journey every single winter. When my Dad was in the air force my Mom drove my sister and me as small babies by herself so as not to miss Christmas with her family. I remember my friends in high school giving me a look of “Oh bummer!” when I’d explain how I’d be gone for a week, but truthfully I was excited to go! Even when I was at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign for college I still made it to North Dakota for Christmas each year. It’s what we did. And until recently I have only glowing, beautiful memories of my past Christmases.

I’m the oldest grandchild on mom’s side and this is my second Christmas.

My typical Christmas experience went like this:

Somehow Santa knew that we would be leaving a few days early and miraculously a pile of small presents would appear underneath our stockings around the 23rd of December every year. My sister, brother and I would load our gifts into plastic bags and jump in the minivan half asleep. We weren’t allowed to open anything until we got on the freeway.  After a day of being in the car, we’d arrive at my grandparents’ house, shake off our boots and head straight for the table where the cookie tray sat. After everyone had arrived, us cousins would make a fort out of the presents in front of Grandpa and Grandma’s tree. On Christmas Eve we’d all get dressed up and go to church where our family would sing in the service. Then it was time for Grandma’s chili and a surprise visit from Santa Claus! (My Grandpa would dress up for another family and their Grandpa would dress up for our family. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that particular St. Nick but I can still remember the way he smelled and hear his voice in my head.) After that, we’d open presents, sing carols, and the kids would perform a small pageant. On Christmas Day we’d lay around and open our toys and sometimes we’d split up to visit other relatives so the bulk of our traditions were always on Christmas Eve.

Our present fort in 2012.  As we got older we would only make them for the sake of tradition.

Things changed in 2013. I had just announced my first pregnancy at Thanksgiving earlier that year. By middle of December my Grandma had decided it was time to transition my Grandpa to a memory care facility. He’d had Alzheimer’s for years already but he was getting to the point where he needed more care than she could provide. It was a heart-breaking Christmas. We all spent a good portion of it crying in the nursing home. Christmas in Bismarck has not been the same since. Thankfully our family has been blessed with a new generation (3 great-grandsons for Grandma and Grandpa), but even so, Grandpa not being at their house has been tough on everyone. Crumb’s first and second Christmases were in North Dakota. We took him to meet his Great-Grandpa in the memory care facility and it was a beautiful moment.

This year is Chip’s first Christmas and we have decided to stay home.  It’s technically our year with my in-laws as both of my siblings will be with their spouses’ sides, but Mr. Cookie’s family lives in Scotland and we can’t make it work financially to fly there right now. So we will stay home. Mr. Cookie is excited that we don’t have to drive 8 hours there and back in potentially bad weather with two small children and don’t get me wrong, that is a huge perk, but I feel like a fish out of water. I will be having my first Christmas at home and I have no idea what to do! Should we open presents on Christmas Eve or switch it up to Christmas Day? I know I want to attend a Christmas Eve service and maybe make a special meal. But should I get us all matching pajamas, should we go look at Christmas lights or just stay in the house all day?

Whatever we do, I’m sure it will be wonderful. That said, I will miss being around my loud and fun extended family with all of our holiday traditions. As a mother I’m torn between wanting to recreate the happy memories of my childhood while making new memories that are unique for my immediate family. I am one of those people who love the holiday season. I treasure family togetherness, I love giving gifts, holiday music, decorations, and the season of giving back. I hope my kids grow up to love being around family at Christmastime just like I did. With no one visiting us this year, and lots of time in the house, how can I make our holiday extra special for the four of us?  Mr. Cookie will have time off work and I’m really looking forward to relaxing as a family.

What is your most unique or important holiday tradition?  You don’t have to celebrate Christmas, I’d love to hear winter holiday ideas from everyone!