I’m writing this on two hours of broken sleep. I never thought I would be in this position… but my two-year-old still does not sleep through the night. In fact, unless he is nursing, constantly, he barely sleeps at all. I am worn down, exhausted, and looking for a solution. It wasn’t always this way, but over the past few months (coinciding with molar arrivals!) Bug went from nursing 2-3 times a night to wanting milk all night long. I always thought I would let my son night wean on his own time, but it looks like I am starting the process now. I’ve been reading a lot about how to make this work for our family, and here is my loose plan. I really hope to come back here in two weeks and update everyone with how well it went, but to be honest I’m really worried.
Talk about it. I have been talking about it with Bug for weeks. Mama’s “milks” are very tired, and at night they need to sleep. That very soon, once we go to bed there is no more milk until morning when the sun comes up. We wrote a short book about it together and we read it several times a day. He understands a lot, and the book has really helped.
Change our bedtime routine. Instead of nursing to sleep in our big bed and then transferring him to his toddler bed, I am going to nurse him on the couch in the living room before bed, then hand him over to my husband for his bedtime routine (bath, pajamas, teeth brushing, books) while I leave the house for a few hours. If I am not in the house, I can’t break down and go in to help if (let’s be real here, when) I hear the screams.
Sleep away from the family bed. We have been bed sharing since Bug was a few days old, and while I am open to continuing this, if I am in bed with him he will do whatever he needs to to get milk, including scream for four hours straight. The new plan is that I will sleep in the guest room for a few weeks until a new routine is established. I know this is going to be very hard on him, but my body needs a break. I have been nursing with him physically on top of me for hours a night for months straight, and I am starting to have back pain and nursing aversions.
Fill him up. I don’t think that he actually needs the milk to satisfy hunger, but just in case we are going to do a big bottle of warm milk before bed, and a protein bar for extra satisfaction. Bug has never been a particularly good eater, but I am hoping the novelty of eating a bar in bed with Papa will encourage him to eat!
Don’t give in. I am very weak when it comes to Bug screaming. He had an airway disorder as an infant, and we were not allowed to let him scream since it made his wheezing terrible and his lips would turn blue. That has stuck with me. He never cried for more than a minute as a baby, so hearing him scream now is just so hard. I still worry about his airway even though he has been cleared by his ENT, and crying and screaming no longer affect his breathing. So I am the one who needs to stay strong. I know that every time I walk back in I am just showing him that if he screams enough, Mama and her milk will come back, which is not the lesson I want him to learn. I want him to sleep, he needs to sleep. Neither of us are getting quality sleep, and it is my job as a mother to help him get quality sleep, even if it is hard for a few weeks. Can you tell this is me giving myself a pep talk? This will be the hardest part.
. . . . .
Have you night weaned a high needs toddler? What worked for you?
pea / 9 posts
That is a very solid plan! I remember the exact night my toddler weaned and it was because i had an event to go to and I left him to do bedtime with dad to do bedtime. Since I wasn’t in the house to be the supplier and to hear him cry it worked out great. He asked the next night when I was home and I told him no and reminded him of all the dinner he had to keep his tummy full and just like Magic no more nursing. Good luck to you!
kiwi / 524 posts
It made a huge difference for us when we stopped nursing to sleep at 2 1/2. My husband took over bedtime and it was mostly painless. I think he cried one night, but it wasn’t the inconsolable screaming we had anticipated. He started sleeping through the night for the first time ever shortly after we made the transition.
coffee bean / 35 posts
I’m interested in responses because I am in the exact same boat with my 20 month old. He sleeps well (co-sleeping) until about 2:00am and then about every hour he wants to latch on until 7:00am when he’s up for the day. I’m totally exhausted.
pomelo / 5621 posts
You can do it! I think you have a very good plan in place.
guest
Good luck! I think “Don’t give in” is the biggest hurdle. An otherwise healthy, developing child does not need to be nursing in the middle of the night, so keep telling yourself this will be best for everyone (sleeping better) if you’re able to wean successfully!
guest
I finally read your post because it made me anxious to think about it, but now we’re on the 4th day of being weaned! My situation was very similar and I started to hate breastfeeding. Around 21 months, I would give in to the first request (around midnight), but refused all other requests from 12-5, unless it elevated to actual crying. I’d rub his belly and shush him to sleep. Within a few weeks, he was sleeping through the night, which felt like a miracle. A few weeks ago – at 23 months, he started teething and reverted back to his old ways, getting angry when I unlatched him. By the time the tooth was out (a week or two later), and he wasn’t in pain, I was totally done with breastfeeding. I texted my husband and asked if I could go cold turkey, more out of frustration than actually thinking my son or I could do it. Guess what? We’re both happy! I didn’t think he could fall asleep without breastfeeding, but I was wrong. He’s handled it like a champ; no crying and barely any requests for it! He’s still co-sleeping, but it’s such a relief to go this long without breastfeeding. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for almost a year without any luck, so I had a little more motivation for wanting to stop breastfeeding, but little changes over an extended period really helped us out. I hope you can figure it out soon!