At the airport checking in for our 3rd trip in a month
The Peas family just got home from a whirlwind month of holiday travel. In a span of about 5 weeks, we took 3 big trips, all requiring us packing up and flying with 2 kids under 4:
(1) A 4-day trip to North Carolina to celebrate Thanksgiving with Mr. Peas’ family;
(2) A 3 day trip to Florida to visit Mr. Peas’ parents; and
(3) A 5 day trip to Arizona to celebrate Christmas with my family.
We are obviously really thankful to have extended family to share our lives and holidays with and, for the most part, our trips were fun and worth the effort and cost. But, wow all that travel has been expensive and exhausting. And this year it feels like we came home with 2 little kids who completely forgot how to listen, share, sleep in their own beds, eat food other than french fries and cookies, or, you know, behave like humans. Travel is hard on grown ups (at least this grown up), and I’m realizing it’s that much harder on little people (at least my little people).
Up until now, we’ve basically traveled for every Thanksgiving and Christmas, switching between our families (so one year we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with Mr. Peas’ family and the next year we spend Thanksgiving with Mr. Peas’ family and Christmas with my family). With a couple notable exceptions, this schedule has required us flying twice in a 5-6 week time period at the end of every year. Now that we have kids (one of whom requires his own plane ticket and the other who will require the same next year), it just feels like too much.
As we think about next year, holiday travel is top of mind. Is it worth it? Are there other, less stressful, and more economical ways to maintain solid relationships with your extended family members when they don’t live close by? Will holidays by ourselves be lonely and boring? Will our kids feel left out if all of the rest of their family gets together and we stay home?
Please share what your family does for holidays. Do you travel? Do you stay home? Do you do both?
nectarine / 2436 posts
Oh goodness I would never fly that often with 2 little kids. We drive 30 minutes max for the holidays. My family even said, now that you have kids, we don’t expect you to travel, why don’t you host Thanksgiving/ Christmas? Ha I’m not ready for that but if I were you I would not feel remotely guilty to not travel as much. Maaaaaybe one of those flights?
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I think it’s a fluid thing, it’s really hard for me to draw a line in the sand and say that it’s always going to be like this or that until the end of time.
We travel every other year and it’s worked out so well for us because we also balance it with nuclear family vacations. If all our time was spent visiting family, I know I would be resentful.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
We stopped traveling once DS #1 turned 1 and he is 3 now. We normally have either DH’s Mom or Dad stay with us over Tgiving (they are divorced) then we spend Christmas Eve night with my parents (20 min drive) and come home Christmas morning and proceed to have kind of a lonely Christmas since we aren’t willing to make the 5 hour drive to get together with extended family for the day. It’s a double-edged sword and I really hope we are choosing the lesser of two evils, because DS #1 has always HATED travel and will scream at the top of his lungs the entire car ride and be overtired and cranky the entire visit with family. So even though we are lonely and he asks for his cousins I feel like we are sparing him a horrible experience until he can get old/mature enough to handle travel. I just wish the gathering was closer to our house! But it won’t be for a while until my parents finally start hosting.
cantaloupe / 6730 posts
I think in your shoes, I’d alternate years with each family. So either Thanskgiving or Christmas at home and travelling for the other one. We travel around Christmas each year and it’s not too bad. I can’t imagine doing that twice every winter though.
pear / 1622 posts
We live 15 hours driving from my husband’s family and we decided that the goal will be to visit them for a week once a year. His parents have flown to us for Thanksgiving the past 2 years and celebrated Thanksgiving early with their local loved ones. Next year (this year) we may make Thanksgiving or Christmas our annual trip to see them instead of them coming to us then. They will likely drive to see us earlier in the year.
My brother used to visit every other year for Thanksgiving or Christmas but that ended up being too much of a headache over the years so the goal is for his family to visit here once or twice a year for a long weekend. I would love it if we could have a big family vacation get together every year but I do not see that happening.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
@pachamama: I wouldn’t recommend flying that often ha! My kids (and their parents) are still recovering. It is hard though to say no when you don’t live within driving distance of any family. I’m thinking we may start doing longer trips/ vacations with our extended family during the year and stay home for most holidays instead.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
@looch: Totally agree! I think what we need is a schedule kind of like yours where we split our travel time/ budget between vacations and holidays. I definitely don’t think we’ll draw a firm line in the sand that says “no we’re never traveling again for a holiday”, but I do think it’s not sustainable (or advisable) to keep traveling for both holidays every year.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
@Modern Daisy: I’m jealous your parents live so close! Thank you for reminding me that sometimes traveling with little kids just isn’t fun, and it’s OK not to feel guilty about making a choice that works best for your family.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
@Grace: Yes that is my tentative plan for this upcoming year (although we’re expecting a 3rd this summer so we may not travel at all this year). We are fortunate that one set of grandparents will likely come to us at least once a year if we ask (they’ve done that before & would have done that this year but we had extenuating circumstances). I don’t want to miss out on seeing the other set of grandparents and all the rest of our extended family, but we could always make it a goal to go once a year instead of it having to be at the holidays.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
@autumnleaves: I like that goal! It’s so hard to balance everything and not go crazy, but your approach seems reasonable and thoughtful! A 15 hour drive with littles though. Ouch!