I remember reading somewhere that there was no reason a 5-year-old shouldn’t be able to make their own peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It followed along with Montessori teaching principles and really made me pay attention to what I have Eli do and not do, and whether I make that decision out of safety or make it out of convenience. It is extremely helpful and convenient for a five-year-old to make their own sandwich (and one for me too please!), but teaching them to do so is messy, time-consuming and frustrating. They destroy the kitchen, there is jelly on the floor and peanut butter on the counter. The bread is dry and crusty from being left open and the refrigerator door hangs open. If you’re a perfectionist, they also don’t have the ratio of peanut to jelly quite right and put the lid just slightly askew, but most definitely wrong. Inviting our kids into the kitchen with us is inviting a sticky tornado in. It is also inviting freedom and a competent child into our homes that grows up to be a self sufficient adult. Catch 22.
I don’t know when I started doing things in the kitchen with my mom, but my earliest memories of being the helper were when I was 7 and I got a children’s cookbook for Christmas. By 8, I would make our family’s chocolate chip cookies by hand and without the recipe because I had it memorized. When I got to pick dinner, I also had to help make it and would always choose to have shake and bake chicken, canned green beans and mashed potatoes. I was in charge of shaking the chicken and peeling the potatoes. These tasks led me to be a ridiculous mess in the kitchen using every bowl possible, but I was also always willing to help or make dinner or try out a new recipe and teach my siblings how to make cookies. It led to an adult that cooks for her family and to owning a bakery for 4 years.
Part of the what kept me from having Eli in the kitchen is that I didn’t have the right tools for him. I didn’t have the child-size apron, the kid size whisk, the child safety knife, or one of those super handy kitchen helper/kid corral towers. I had a desire for cookies and no child care. A chair was pulled up the counter, hands were washed, flour was dumped into a bowl and we began. We talked about what was being put in the bowl. How many cups were needed. What shape to form the cookies into. How the dough tasted. We discussed hot ovens and having to be patient to wait for cookies to be done. Sharing our cookies with other people and not eating them all at once. I just invited him to do what I was doing and then talked him through it. Also – it burned an hour of sahm time!
It has become our routine to be in the kitchen together. One of the hardest parenting struggles I have with staying home is that I’m in charge of his education. I don’t know how to teach anything except by doing and getting him in the kitchen, where I spend a lot of time anyway, is a prime example of that concept. He is the microwave button pusher, the pot stirrer and the counter top wiper. He pushes the wrong button, spills everything with the velocity at which he stirs and soaks the floor, but he is learning and in doing so I am as well. Having him tag along in the kitchen has had me have him tag along in other household tasks. I’m confident in my kitchen skills and it gave me the confidence to have him help me mop and switch the laundry. Put away toys and wash windows. It’s taught me to look at him as just wanting so badly to help and needy to be taught how to do so.
What area of your “grown up” life are you inviting your little one into? Any under 5-year-old sandwich makers out there?
blogger / pea / 17 posts
Awesome reminder! I taught my son to make his pb&j, but I’ve been doing it for him lately. I need to get back to letting him do it himself! Thanks!!
apricot / 400 posts
Oh yes! My four year old will happily make a pb&j, and I will happily eat that misproportioned masterpiece. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t such a mess to cook with her, but I was thrilled when, by age 3, she knew the difference between wet and dry ingredients.
clementine / 874 posts
My barely 2 year old loves measuring spices and other dry ingredients, he just hasn’t figured out that at some point we have to stop measuring them into the bowl. Hello super cinnamony banana bread
pomelo / 5621 posts
DS is 3.75 and loves to help bake/cook. He is also willing to help with the cleaning. I give him a spray bottle of water and a cloth and he is happy to ‘help’.
bananas / 9118 posts
It’s a really nice idea, I love it in theory. But as a working parent I just don’t feel like I have the time to even cook meals normally, let alone with the “help” of my kiddos. I feel huge amounts of guilt that I just can’t handle this right now while retaining some sanity. I’m hoping I can start doing this soon on the weekends, but you sure nailed it mentioning the patience and the cleanup involved.
apricot / 400 posts
@lemondrop: oh, don’t feel guilty! I’m a working mom, too, and kitchen time with the kiddos is definitely a weekend only activity! During the week, I want everyone out of the kitchen while I’m trying to whip up dinner.
bananas / 9118 posts
@poppygirl15:
Thanks! I have some super amazing mom friends on IG and FB and love their photos of cooking together
I just can't keep up with everything on a good day, but I do need to make more effort to do this on the weekends when I can breathe. I have a super picky eater too, so this would probably help him eat better if he's more involved in the process.
blogger / coffee bean / 43 posts
@Amandaml: I love that your little does it at all! I’m hoping that by the time baby #2 comes it’s make pbandj and put on shoes!
blogger / coffee bean / 43 posts
@lemondrop: my mom worked worked my whole childhood which is why I didn’t start getting into the kitchen until I was 7 and even then it was a summertime activity (she is a teacher). No need to feel guilty, I’ll have to work to reassure my kids that women work outside the home just like men
blogger / coffee bean / 43 posts
@codeitall: Eli’s favorite ingredient to overuse is vanilla, he constantly tells me he is adding chocolate.
blogger / coffee bean / 43 posts
@poppygirl15: that’s an impressive bit of knowledge, I’m sure we will get there at some point!
grapefruit / 4085 posts
Sometimes M will help in the kitchen. She even takes a weekly cooking class where they learn all sorts of skills – which is fun to watch.