I’m in a bit of a weird spot right now career wise. I’m not particularly comfortable with the situation and I feel like this is probably something that a lot of parents struggle with, so I’m going to lay it all out here and see what happens in the coming months. Hopefully, this will all work itself out, but the in between time right now is killing me.
My current job is not one that I love. In fact, most days I feel pretty ambivalent about being there. My job is relatively mundane, or it has been until recently. I am currently this.close to being done with my master’s degree, and because of this, I am forced to look at my current job and life situation and decide which direction to go. Initially, I took this job because it allowed for a flexible schedule to have time with my kids, which is incredibly important to me. However, it is not fulfilling at all, and with my educational prospects, the idea of changing jobs and perhaps moving has been coming up frequently in the past few months.
The conflict I am facing is this: If I take a new job, the likelihood is there that I will have significantly less time with my kids. I really don’t know how I feel about this. I know that for many parents, work is something they really enjoy and that makes them better parents. I think that I fit into that category somewhat, but I also feel like the right time for me to really get involved again in my career will be in a couple of years when the kids are in school and maybe don’t need me as much. Even in typing this, I feel like a whiner and a baby about it.
So, the opportunity has come up that I could potentially stay here, where I currently am, in a job that does incorporate my degree and my passion, but could mean more hours here and less at home. I have to fight for this position, which financially would make a lot of sense and alleviate some of our money woes, but the trade-off is less family time. I feel frozen with fear about this decisionĀ and the idea that no matter what decision I make at this point, there is going to be a sacrifice somewhere.
My other options are to start applying for jobs that are specific to my degree, but very few of those are less than full time, or I can stay in my current position, have the flexibility to be with my family as much as I want, but make significantly less money and be essentially wasting my degree.
I feel stuck. My heart is telling me to wait it out and see if there is a job that comes up that is a best of both worlds situation, but my head is telling me that moving up and taking a job related to my degree is better for the family in the long run. When I think of seeing the kids less, I get pretty emotional about it, and I’m not sure if this would be the right choice. Long term, moving up would mean for a lot of great opportunities in the future that would mean much more financial security.
In full disclosure, I hate what I am doing right now but I feel (and have felt) like I am doing it because it works the best for my family right now. There is part of me that likes that this is easy and I am fully capable of doing this job. But the other part of me is bored out of my mind, and quite frankly, I am a little embarrassed about my job. It is not something I am proud of, and even though it provides for my family, it just kind of sucks. I’ve been going back and forth for a couple of weeks about this, and I can imagine that this is something so many parents face as they navigate through the family and work conflict. It does help me to know that I am not alone and that other people have lived through this and made hard decisions.
Please tell me there are other parents who have had to make these kinds of decisions. I know I am not alone.
apricot / 424 posts
I have said this on a board response before but just remember… there is no decision that you ever make in life that has to be permanent until the day you die. It sounds weird but it is true and has helped me through many stressful decision making times in my life. If you make a decision now and don’t like the outcome you can always change it. It could take time, but you can always change your mind… until the day you die…
cherry / 129 posts
I totally could have written this post. I am in the exact same situation. #2 is due any day so I haven’t been in a position to change jobs given my upcoming maternity leave and I’m really hesitant to rock the boat immediately after so many big changes but I really am craving doing something more fulfilling and more financially rewarding but the thought of missing out on any more of my babies baby-hood is paralyzingly. Anyways, I don’t have any answers but solidarity and I think there is no right or wrong choice only different paths.
kiwi / 635 posts
I 100% agree with the previous poster who said nothing is permanent. Personally, I’d recommend taking the opportunity, and if it isn’t working out for your work-life balance after a few months on the job you could ask if any adjustments could be possible.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@RonjaL7: Thank you. You are right, of course. I just wish that I had already made the decision and could just be done worrying about it.
@emilye519: Paralyzing is the best possible way to describe this. Thanks for the solidarity.
blogger / cherry / 142 posts
I am going through a similar struggle and I have no idea what decision I’m going to make! Something my therapist told me: There have been interviews with people on their death beds, asking them what their regrets are. No one ever says “I wish I would have worked more.”
Finding the right balance is so tough. But also I’m trying to remember that having small children is a temporary state and it’s just hard, no matter what you do. I hope you find something that fulfills you and also gives you the time you want with your family.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Take my opinion with a grain of salt. If your work situation is working best for family life then just stick to that with one ear to the ground for a best of both worlds opportunity. If you learn and contribute as much as you can during your work time or even during free time, you can find greater purpose as you sacrifice for your family’s best. Athough I am settled in my career (for now) I often wonder/dream about possibly moving to another neighborhood but my family is happy where we are at.
guest
I struggle with this all the time! But I do recognize that the time I have with him now is too valuable to give up for career opportunities. He’s only going to be this little for so long and I have a short window of time for being his favorite person. No amount of money or career mobility can replace that!
guest
You are so not alone. I work part time now so I can be with my kids and I am wasting my masters degree and am also weirdly embarrassed of my job. I don’t necessarily hate it, but I am bored with it. But when I think about going back to work full time and spending less time with my kids I get very emotional too. Neither option is good and neither makes me very happy. It’s quite the catch-22. I’m taking the wait and see approach. But mostly because I have confidence that I will be able to find a job where I can utilize my degree, but is close to home and would offer me a lot of flexibility. That’s my ultimate goal. Until then I’m just treading water.
apricot / 307 posts
I, too, am in the same position as you and even had the opportunity to take a promotion which I ended up declining. Every day I’m torn by my desire to be in a position that challenges me and fulfills me career-wise, but I realize that would affect not just me, but also my kids and my husband. I’d definitely have less time to spend with my family, but also, the tenuous balance/schedule that we currently have would have to be totally reworked.
Right before I had my second son, I was so miserable at my job I took another job and realized my mistake. Although I was much happier with the work that I was doing, I realized that I was that much unhappier with my personal life and that affected not only me but also others. Luckily, my old job was still available and I was able to come back and even negotiate a better work-life balance.
So now I just suck it up and try to get as much enjoyment out of my family/kids. As others have said, no one ever says they wish they had spent more time at work.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
I just wanted to say thank you for all the responses. I feel better just knowing that other parents are dealing or have dealt with something similar.
persimmon / 1129 posts
I’m struggling with a similar thing right now, but almost reversed. I work part-time as a lawyer. It’s a high stress demanding job. But it’s only 3 days a week so I have two glorious days home with my kiddos. I have an opportunity to get out of lawyering but the potential new position is full time with a little bit of travel. Also the pay is the same I make now. But the job would be so fun and not very stressful at all. I’m so conflicted! Even though the less stressful job sounds awesome, I just don’t think I can give up my part-time schedule.
clementine / 990 posts
Im sort of in a reverse situation? Fortunately I landed a great gig shortly after DD was born. The prospects in my position were good so we moved to be closer to my work (small town near a large city) as DH traveled for work frequently. Now I’m in a better position with the same company and my job has been the most reliable. Plus it would be hard for me to make the same money in the city, plus I would have to commute. So I also feel somewhat trapped. I work F/T and it’s a crazy job. I’m on call and it’s unlikely I’ll ever be promoted or do anything other than my current position. So I feel like I’m really pigeonholing myself. But… I commute for less than 15 minutes a day, total. And I make killer money….so…
guest
I was in a somewhat similar situation when I had my first daughter- I have a Masters degree and worked really hard fory clinical social work license, so it seems weird/wasteful to give it all up! But I was able to find balance with a few clinical consulting hours each week, and also started my own skincare business. The skincare business creates residual income and therefore the freedom to make choices with how I spend the rest of my time, between my girls and social work. My priority was staying home with my kids, and I’m making it happen in a way that makes me happy, even if it’s not what I originally set out to do
guest
In my experience, I looked at it from what is most important to me: time with my kids? personal career fulfillment? money? short commute? a happy workplace? time away from my kids?
Once I set my priorities I could make a decision.
guest
It’s really hard. I have PhD and am currently working at a job that I love (doing something 100% related to my degree and in an area that I’m otherwise passionate about), it’s full-time, flexible in that the company is very family oriented, has health benefits (which I had to negotiate for) and is full-time (also had to negotiate, would have otherwise been a rolling contract). But, it’s paying me $10k less than my previous job. So am I happy? Yes. Is it causing some financial hardships where we’re cutting back and down — yes. Should we be cutting back and down anyways to reach our goals – yes. But it’s hard — more so on my husband who sees the salary drop as a de-valuing of my education and skills….So the struggle is really hard.
blogger / apricot / 250 posts
Thank you for this post. I’m struggling with a very similar situation and it helps so much to know I’m not alone.