As my body starts to feel more like mine again, post-cesarean birth, I’ve been thinking about Cesareans and their role in my life.
I recently stumbled across this article, which is several years old but felt very fresh to me. The idea behind it is that we often say c-section, Cesarean section, or just ‘section’…
Now try these words…
Cesarean birth
She gave birth by Cesarean.Did you notice a difference? If so, what was it? Did you notice a difference when the word “birth” was included in the picture? Did it feel like there was a human being — a mother — included in it? If so, how might a mom who is going to be giving birth by Cesarean feel differently about herself if you talked about her upcoming birth as just that, a “birth” rather than a “section?” Does one way speak to something she is actively involved in as opposed to something that will be done to her?
It was a lightbulb moment for me! With M, I laboured for a long time before her unplanned Cesarean birth, and so I still felt a lot like I had played a very active role in bringing her into the world. The surgery was the end of several long, hard days, and it was a conclusion to something that definitely involved me. With A, I felt strange for the longest time, because I walked myself into an operating room and was wheeled out twenty minutes with a baby on my chest. The most physical thing I did was move myself over to the bed immediately after they set up the spinal anaesthesia, and I didn’t feel a single contraction, labour pain, or anything remotely birth-like. It felt like I didn’t really give birth.
Arguably, a vaginal birth might have made for better hair…
A few weeks prior to having A, I was scheduled into the local hospital clinic. The doctor who performed my Cesarean with M came into the room and was trying to figure out where he knew me from (I hadn’t see him since M was three months old, and he handles a LOT of babies). I said, “You delivered my daughter three years ago!” and his reply stuck with me:
“I didn’t deliver her, you delivered her — I just took her out.”
I had to wrap my head around it because it was a total flip from everything I’d ever heard about birth. Doctors deliver babies, right? But in truth, I did deliver her. I grew her, I carried her, I protected her, and when it was time for her to arrive, she was delivered to the world through my body, surgery or not. And then when I had A, I thought about it, and eventually decided the same was true. No, I did not experience labour that time around, but I did experience birth. And I did deliver him. I have the scar to prove it!
I think a lot of people don’t really consider the impact of language when we are talking about birthing babies. I know I hadn’t until these concepts were introduced to me. It makes me think of the term ‘natural birth’ which still rankles me even though I chose a Cesarean this time: I feel like all birth is natural in some capacity, whether it’s surgical or vaginal, and I wish people would just say vaginal instead of natural because that’s what they really mean, usually.
I’m challenging myself to say Cesarean birth instead of section, for my own benefit and for that of other moms who have felt like me. It may seem like a small word change, but the impact could be huge.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
Excellent post. In my profession, we have a term called person first language, which basically puts the person first before the diagnosis. This seems relevant here too, and could be adapted from its original intention to encompass Cesarean births.
grape / 89 posts
I couldn’t love this post anymore. I had an unplanned cesarean birth with my first and then a planned cesarean birth with my 2nd. After my 2nd I told my doctor that I felt like less of a woman because I didn’t help deliver my child, where with the first at least I had tried. His response stuck with me, “some moms put all the work of labor and delivery in at the front end with the contractions and the pushing, and some moms put all the work in at the tail end, with recovery from major surgery while trying to care for an infant. Either way, no one escapes the pain of labor and delivery.” I felt so much better when I shifted my perspective to mirror his.
pomegranate / 3212 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: I love this. A dear friend’s daughter has Down Syndrome and through them I learned not to say “Down’s baby” etc., It’s something she has, not who she is.
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
First, I’m so glad you are feeling more and more like YOU delivered your kiddos because you certainly did! I found this post interesting because I don’t recall ever feeling that disconnect between delivery and having a c-section. Maybe it’s because I’m not one of those people that loves pregnancy and had relatively easy experiences, but regardless of how they came ended up coming out, I definitely felt like I had done all the work before and after to get them here and I was the one that deserved the credit!
There are some things I don’t love about Cesarean deliveries at our local hospital (it’s not super on the cutting edge regarding being mother-baby friendly…i.e., they take the baby out of the OR to do all the weighing, measuring, etc., and don’t bring them back until you’re in recovery), but I still felt very much like I was the one that deserved the credit for getting my babies here. I’m glad you feel that way, too, and if using different terminology helps in that regard, I think that’s fantastic.
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
I gave birth twice by C-section and I’ve never felt bad about it. The first was after a long stalled 36 hour induction and the second was planned. I think I never felt negative about my sections because DH and I saw it more as a parenting decision. It’s what was best for our sons and for me as their caretaker. And I guess in the end I just didn’t really care about HOW they got here – I just never had a specific type of labor in mind.
One neat thing about our sections was that my husband watched both boys being born and could narrate what was going on as they weighed them and cleaned them off. He was the first parent to soothe them with his voice, he was the first parent they made eye contact with, and he said those were some of the most amazing moments of his life. After I got to greet my boys and do some skin to skin, DH took them out to recovery and held them there alone for 20 minutes while I got stitched up and wheeled out of the OR. He got this precious quiet time with them and I love that he got all those moments.
blogger / clementine / 985 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: yes!
That makes sense to me.
@deannab1: I’ve never heard that but it is so very true and something I’m going to tuck away in my mind.
@Mrs. Blue: kudos for giving yourself the well deserved credit from the start!
@gingerbebe: Mac Daddy also got some special bonding with the cesarean births. He had to do a lot for M in the early days because my recovery was rough, and with A he did the initial skin to skin!