I got my first tattoo when I was 21. It is not one that I regret, but I don’t love it as much as I used to. This is mostly because of placement and that it has morphed a bit since I got it. But since then, I have gotten 4 additional tattoos, and this past weekend, I finally got the tattoo I have been wanting to honor my kids. I turned 34 last week, and I knew for a few months that this year I wanted to use my birthday money to pay for a tattoo that has been in my mind since LeLe was born.

I feel like there is a bit of controversy with the whole idea of tattoos. I personally love them because each one I have has a story and a meaning, even if I don’t love them the same way when I first got them. I don’t know many other people who have visible tattoos and I think that at times people judge me for them. But my truth is that I get them to remember something, a place in time, a person, and every time I look at my tattoos, I remember when I got them and why I got them.

After my first loss, I was watching Meet The Robinsons. I don’t know what it is about that movie, but it got me right in the feels, and there is a quote at the end “Keep Moving Forward.” It was something Walt Disney said and for some reason, it resonated with me so strongly at the time that I knew I needed to have it on my body to memorialize my miscarriage. So, I did some research and found an artist and got it done. And I love this tattoo. I look at it frequently and think about that time in my life, how awful it was and how those words made me consider a future.

Fast forward to this weekend. I am in love with hot air balloons. I think that they are beautiful and unique and mesmerizing. I love that they are all different and I started thinking about how awesome it would be to have a tattoo of hot air balloons for each of my kids. I thought about this for almost two years, sometimes drawing it out, pinning things like crazy on pinterest, and finally, in January I contacted a local artist and booked a session in April. This was almost like fate as this artist is a loss mom too, and just so happened to be coming off of her maternity leave in April after the birth of her rainbow baby. It felt perfect to me and the artist was able to take my ideas and turn them into the most beautiful images.

ADVERTISEMENT

The actual tattoo took about 3 hours, which is the longest one I have gotten. The process wasn’t too bad for me. I am one of the weird people who actually enjoys the tattooing, so this was mostly just a nice time to sit and talk with a person who had experienced many similar things in life to me. The final product is better than what I could have imagined and I love it so much. I am thrilled with the details and I think that she captured the essence of my kids so well. We were careful to leave enough room on the back of my forearm for any additional children (or losses) so I can add to it in the future if I want to.

tattoo balloon
Little Bug’s Balloon plus the two smaller ones for the two losses and LeLe’s Balloon.

Do you have any tattoos? What do they mean to you?