I’ve been thinking about this post for months now. I don’t know what exactly I want to say, and I am worried about backlash, but I also feel like I need to stand up for what I believe in. The longer I sit idly by the more I feel like I am failing both myself and my children.
This is not an America I am proud of. It’s not even about tolerance for me, because tolerance implies that we are just pretending to be okay with each other. And I think that we are beyond just tolerance, we need to move into active opposition of the things that are happening around us right now. As a mother, and more importantly, as a person, I am appalled at the behavior that I have witnessed over the last 6 months in this country. I am truly sick to my stomach at the events in Charlottesville. But this isn’t the first incident of racial violence and it definitely won’t be the last.
I am excessively aware of my privilege. I’m white, I live in a town that is mostly white, I make an ok living, I don’t worry about my kids being attacked for the color of their skin or the clothes that they are wearing. The only thing I have to fear here is the remote possibility of being attacked because I am a female; that most likely won’t happen and if it did, it likely wouldn’t be because of the color of my skin. I live an easy life. And for me, this means that I need to stand up more than anyone else. I have the ability to speak my mind without the worry of repercussions. My privilege is not likely to disappear anytime soon, so I have an advantage that I feel obligated to use.
So, here it is. I do not support racists, bigots, misogynists, or any other hatred for any reason. My children will be taught this for their entire lives. I will absolutely not tolerate hate from my children and I will encourage them to stand up for what is right. I will be vocal in my opposition, and I will fight to make sure that the lives of ALL PEOPLE are treated the same.
We are at a crucial point in our country’s ability to move forward, or to go backward. I, for one, am not ok with going backwards and I am disgusted by the events that keep happening. Being alt-right does equal being racist. Being at a rally for alt-right ideals does mean that you are a bad person. There is no middle ground here. Supporting these kind of organizations means that you support racism, bigotry, and hate. There is just no way around this.
I am scared for my children and the kind of world that they will grow up in. I feel inadequate in fully conveying to them how important this is. They are still so little, but I know that relatively soon they will understand what is going on and that scares me. My daughter will see what it is like to be a little girl in a world where females are treated differently because they are females. And my son will feel the privilege he has just because he is white. It is overwhelming trying to figure out how to balance teaching the easy stuff and the really hard stuff.
Of course people can disagree with me. But I absolutely will not stop vocalizing my disgust and opposition to this kind of behavior. I have a responsibility to my children, to myself, and to everyone who is unable to stand for themselves. I will stand up for what I believe is right and make a clear line in the sand between hatred and just being a good person.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
Hear! Hear!
I agree with you 100%. There are no “fine people” that stand up besides neo-Nazis and the KKK. Being tolerant of racists and bigots is where I draw the line. I will NOT tolerant them in my presence or in my country.
And I’m like you – white female living a fairly privileged life. And my sons will grow up to be privileged white men. But I will teach them to use their privilege to stand up for what is right and stand up for those who are marginalized.
Thank you for speaking up.
pomelo / 5084 posts
Well I hope you don’t experience backlash for this post! Agree with every word.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
Co-sign
blogger / pomegranate / 3044 posts
Preach mama preach. Right there with you although I do have a more personal fear for my biracial children/ brown husband.
apricot / 370 posts
Yes. But I’m wondering what kind of backlash you fear here? Unless your real last name is “cereal”, this is pretty anonymous.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@shabang: I think she’s concerned about backlash on HB from other members.
blogger / kiwi / 626 posts
@shabang: It’s not about the anonymity, it’s about that I have been ripped apart before on here and even though I firmly believe in this, I am still a person and reading hurtful comments still affects me.
apricot / 253 posts
YES! Thank you for speaking up – we all have to do it and do it more often.
pear / 1823 posts
Yes to all of this. Silence is complicity at this point.
apricot / 370 posts
@Mrs. Cereal: Well, I hope no one is mean to you. And, I hope that if they are, you find a way to keep that in context.
guest
I completely agree with you, and find it so difficult to grapple with the fact that there might be people reading this post who are hateful, whether quietly or outspoken. During the former administration I was so hopeful and optimistic that my children would be brought up in a society where gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, even personality characteristics (introversion? Depression? We understood and accepted it), etc. would be recognized and understood and embraced as part of being a human. I couldn’t fathom the extent of hatred that exists across this country, that for me went hidden until given a voice by, shockingly, a president. But what do we do about it on a day to day basis to make a change when we are, for lack of a better phrase, preaching to the choir? That’s where I am right now–I live in a state and work in a field that supports the rights of human beings (and I do not consider the ability to voice hatred of other people for the way they look or their orientation a “right”). How do we educate others that they are wrong, that there is no basis for their hatred, when they are not in our “circle?”
grapefruit / 4187 posts
While I agree that we must stand against hate, I also strongly believe that we should ALL have the right to free speech. Even people who are openly racist should have this right. The second you start silencing any group for their beliefs you are truly on a slippery slope. For example I walk by the group of black people (I forget their name) who openly hate whites, women and gays as they hold court occasionally outside my office yelling into a megaphone about how they want to kill white people, etc. Does it make me uncomfortable? Sure. But at the end of the day that’s their right to gather in a public space and express their beliefs and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I just remembered the name of the group: black Hebrew Israelites. They would ride the subways in NYC screaming about evil white people too. Of course usually in disguise (wigs and masks, etc.) so as not to be recognized by an employer or something.
guest
Thank you for this post. All of this is so important to remember.
I want to emphasize the difference between free speech and hate speech. The first amendment does not protect all types of speech, and openly racist groups that seek to incite terror and violence are not protected. Here is a definition of hate speech:
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/initiatives_awards/students_in_action/debate_hate.html
It is also important to note that hate speech used by people of privilege and hate speech used by people with less privilege are the same in that neither should be allowed but different in the impact and power that they have on society and shouldn’t be equated.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
important!
pomelo / 5866 posts
I understand hating the hate and desire to advocate to bring change. To transform the hate, we still need to keep our heart, minds and ears open to extend a link and bring forth love to the other party. The other option is to completely exclude. By adding hate to hate, things will worsen. There is such power in individual stories of hope, love and inspiration to stir change. Related: this reminds me of a children’s picture book by Kathryn Otoshi called One. The main message is to Stand together, it takes just One to start the change.
blogger / persimmon / 1225 posts
Thanks for writing this. It’s so important.
guest
Thank you for speaking out. I’m with you on this.
guest
Thank you for writing this!! I’m with you!
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
Thank you for writing this much needed post!