When we found out we were expecting a 3rd baby, almost immediately Mr. Peas and I started talking about what childcare would look like for us after he arrived. Of all the decisions we’ve had to make since becoming parents, childcare is probably one of the most important. And, for us at least, it is one of the most difficult. While every family’s childcare journey is unique and influenced greatly by things often outside our control (where we live, where we work, how much we make, how much leave we get, etc.), I found it immensely helpful to talk to other parents about their childcare decisions.

I thought it might be helpful to share our journey here in case it is useful or helpful in any way for other parents trying to figure out this expensive, difficult puzzle they call childcare. I’m splitting this up into a few separate parts because our journey has been windy and we’ve done and tried lots of different things.

First as context, Mr. Peas and I both work full-time. I took relatively short maternity leaves after my first two babies were born (about 9 weeks with Big P, who is now 4, and only 6 weeks with Little P, who is now 2 1/2) with 6 weeks of that paid under my company’s short-term disability policy. With Baby P, who is now 3 months, my company only paid for 4 weeks of leave and I took an additional 6 ½ weeks of unpaid leave. With each baby, I went back to work full-time outside the home from Day 1, although thankfully I’ve worked at places that are relatively accommodating for new moms (i.e., I didn’t have to be sitting in my office in a suit at 8 AM every morning). Mr. Peas took a few weeks off after each of our babies was born but didn’t take any additional time off after I went back to work. Unfortunately, up until this point, not going back to work or taking an extended leave has not been a financially viable option.

When we first found out we were expecting our first son, Big P, I assumed we would enroll him in a full-time daycare when I went back to work. We lived in a small house and have 2 friendly but energetic dogs that we definitely could have done a better job training. I also grew up going to daycare basically full-time since I was an infant, so to me daycare seemed like the obvious and most economical and practical choice for us.

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Early on we signed up to tour most of the well-known and frequently recommended daycares and schools that provided full-time childcare to infants in our area. At the time we lived near Boulder, Colorado, which is relatively expensive (not as expensive as San Francisco or NYC, but definitely not affordable). We liked a lot of the schools but we quickly encountered 2 big problems: (1) most of them had long waiting lists; and (2) a lot of them were very expensive. Many of the schools we looked at had tuition rates around $1700/month or higher and often that did not include food, diapers, etc. In a few cases the $1700/month only covered care from around 9 AM- 3 PM and you had to pay extra to drop off early or pick up later. And just to get on the waiting list at most schools, we had to fill out tons of paperwork and pay a $100+ fee.

After a lot of searching and multiple wait list deposits, we finally found a relatively new Montessori school near our house that had an opening in its infant room. It was also a little less expensive than some of the schools we looked at (tuition was around $1,600/month but that did not include food or diapers). We went ahead and took the spot since um we needed childcare and didn’t have very many other options.

When Big P was 8 weeks old, we started to transition him into his new classroom. It went OK. The teachers were very helpful and the environment seemed very clean and loving, but I was overwhelmed with all the extra work daycare required (for example, bringing bottles pre-filled for each feeding) and a little nervous seeing all the runny noses around him. Big P also screamed when we left him the first time and was screaming when we came back 2 hours later. I’m sure things would have improved, but ironically a pretty major natural disaster hit our community and closed everything down, including his school, for about a week. With forced time to re-evaluate our decision, I quickly posted an ad on Care.com for a nanny and was flooded with responses. I interviewed a handful of people and quickly realized I was pretty picky and also not wealthy enough to afford a full-time, in-home nanny in our area. Luckily the childcare gods smiled favorably upon us and I stumbled upon a posting from a stay at home mom (I’ll call her Mrs. M) who lived less than 2 miles away from us and was looking for an infant to care for in her home. I immediately sent her a note asking to meet up.

The next day I loaded Big P up in his stroller and walked to her home. As we arrived, I immediately noticed sidewalk chalk drawings and my Mom instinct started happily buzzing. Just as I suspected, Mrs. M and her lovely family were the perfect fit for us. She was relatively affordable – slightly more expensive than daycare but significantly less expensive than a traditional in-home nanny. And most importantly she was very flexible and welcomed Big P and our family into her home and her family with open arms. Every morning Big P joined their family at the kitchen table for homemade pancakes. If he had a particularly messy or blow out prone day, Mrs. M’s daughter would graciously share her clothes with him (which meant sometimes he was wearing pink leggings at pickup – fine by me!) We spent many weekend and weeknights together at local events and restaurants (we also lived in the most perfect town for young families – I am still sad we moved away).

Having a stay at home mom watch our infant in her home was the perfect fit for our family at that time; to this date I’m probably one of the few people who are thankful for the natural disaster that shut our community down that week, since it brought Mrs. M and her family into our lives. They remain some of our favorite people and dearest friends, even though she stopped watching Big P over 3 years ago and we now live in a different state!

When Big P was about a year old, we thought we might be moving and Mrs. M also found out she was expecting another baby. Her pregnancy was relatively high risk and her daughter was going to preschool everyday, so we thought this might be the time to (reluctantly and mournfully) say goodbye. Our move, however, got postponed about a year, so Mrs. M ended up watching Big P for another 6 months. We did decide, however, to put him into an at home daycare 3 mornings a week to give her some time off to rest, go to prenatal appointments, nest, etc. We were really lucky to find another local mom who was opening her own at home daycare with part time hours that worked perfectly with Mrs. M’s schedule (ironically Mrs. M’s younger daughter, who she was expecting at the time, now goes to that daycare). Three mornings a week we’d drop Big P off at the in home daycare where he’d play in the morning, take a short nap, have lunch (his daycare provider was Italian and cooked them the most amazing meals), and then Mrs. M would pick him up in time for his afternoon nap. The other 2 mornings a week we’d drop Big P off at Mrs. M’s house where he’d spend the whole day. Every night we picked him up at Mrs. M’s house. It still worked really well for us, despite being a bit of a juggling act!

After Mrs. M had her baby, we were forced to find a different solution. At the time I was also 5 months pregnant with Little P and anticipating we may be moving out of state after his arrival, so we did our best to find a workable, temporary solution. First we asked our in home daycare provider if she’d be willing to watch Big P full time for a few months, but she really wanted to keep her part time hours so unfortunately that wasn’t an option. Next we tried out a nanny share at a coworker’s house. That unfortunately also did not work out for our family despite it seeming perfect on paper. The nanny was a big advocate of very strict routines and her routines were a little peculiar – she would, for example, have the kids go down for naps right before we picked them up, so they’d be well rested when we picked them up (which, while not a bad idea in theory, didn’t work great for Big P). She also had a cold demeanor, particularly compared to our previous providers who were very loving. Big P screamed every day when we left him and bawled when we picked him up, and we realized how much we missed the flexibility and warmth of having another mom watch our son in her own home. After a few weeks we gave up and placed a Care.com ad for a nanny. We interviewed a few different people and ultimately hired another stay at home mom to watch him. That was mostly a good situation – she would even come pick him up in the morning – but after a few months she also got pregnant (with twins!) and ended up quitting due to the high risk nature of her pregnancy. At that point we called in the big guns (Grandma & Grandpa) who parked their RV in our driveway and provided childcare for Big P until Little P was born. Thank goodness for grandparents right?

That period of time feels like a distant memory now but I do distinctly remember the stress of feeling uncertain about our childcare situation – in less than 2 years, we had enrolled Big P in a more traditional daycare, pulled him out, had a SAHM watch him, had him split time between a SAHM and an at home daycare, tried a nanny share at a different house, had him stay with a different SAHM, and then had him stay with his grandparents at his own house. It sounds crazy but it didn’t feel that way at the time (ok maybe a little bit) – especially when it’s your first child and you are trying to figure out the best fit for your family and don’t have unlimited resources. I did know, however, that I wanted something less stressful when we had 2 kids to find childcare for.

I’ll share more in Part 2 about what we’ve done for childcare since Little P arrived about 2 1/2 years ago, but here’s a hint … we’re still doing the same thing now :). Phew.

How have you navigated childcare? Did it change when you added more kids to your family? Please share your experiences and advice for other moms.