The best thing about having two kids is watching their bond grow over time.   It is such a beautiful sight to witness as a parent when I see my girls laughing and playing well together.
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Lil’ Pizza is 5 years old and Baby Pizza is 2.5 years old and they are often running off on their own and playing together.  The girls get along most of the time but there are moments (almost daily) when they are faced with a conflict. I wanted to teach them the skills to resolve conflict on their own at an early age so there are a few things we do fairly consistently in our home. I have to admit that it definitely helps that my oldest is fairly mild mannered and tries to be the understanding and nurturing older sister. Here are some of the things that I do with the kids that I have found helpful.
Calm down first
Sometimes one of the girls will get so worked up that I have to help calm her down before she can even think to address the conflict. Often, a comforting hug or a few deep breaths is all that is needed before the girls feel ready to address the problem.

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Coach them through the conflict resolution
When a conflict arises, it’s not unusual for one of the girls to just want to run to me and cry. After finding out what happened, I will bring both of the girls together and coach them through as they resolve the conflict. It’s really just having them repeat what I say, but I found this especially helpful when they were younger or when there is a conflict that is especially hard for them to sort through on their own. Obviously, depending on your child’s language development, the child can repeat simpler or more complex statements.
It goes a little something like this. I’ll just have the girls repeat what I say and have them say it to each other.
Pizza 1: “It made me sad when you didn’t want to play with me.”
Pizza 2: “Sorry I made you feel sad. I just wanted to do something else. I can play with you in a little bit.
Pizza 1: “Okay, I can wait.”
Pizza 2: “I love you.”
Pizza 1: “I love you too.”
*Hug*
I know it feels a bit forced (because yes, I even tell them to hug) but the girls are content with reciting what I tell them to say to each other (at least most of the time). After doing this a handful of times with the girls, I saw them resolving a conflict on their own as one of the girls expressed their feelings and explained why she was upset and the other listened and apologized. I just stood there watching them process a conflict on their own and my heart was so happy.
Help each other understand the conflict 
Often, when there is a conflict one of the girls will come to me crying or upset and say what the other one did to wrong them (i.e “she pushed me” or “she grabbed the toy out of my hands”). The first thing I usually do is ask if her sister knows that she did something that upset her (i.e. “Does she know she pushed you? Did you tell her how it made you feel when she did that?”). Sometimes, the conflict is resolved as soon as one of the girls will just say what happened to the other. At times, I need to spend more time helping my child identify and express her own feelings. And other times, I’ll spend time asking one of my girls what she thinks her sister might be feeling (i.e. “How do you think you would feel if your sister just ignored you when you wanted to play?”).
Hug it out
After my kids apologize to each other, I will often tell them to hug. If one of them is really upset, she may not want to hug right away, so we just wait until she’s ready to hug. The action really helps solidify the apology and after they hug, they are almost always ready to play nicely together.
Look at each other when apologizing
There are times when Baby Pizza has trouble apologizing and will just want to look away and say sorry. I always let her know that she has to look at the person when she is apologizing.
Just ask
Most of their conflicts arise from one of my girls wanting to play with what the other one is already playing with.  Instead of getting upset, I try to encourage my girls to simply ask their sister if they can play with it. They know that when they are asked that question, they can respond by either saying “yes” or “in a little bit.” For the most part, this has worked out surprisingly well.
Don’t rush over to save the day
Sometimes, I’ll be doing the dishes and then I hear one of my girls start to cry and get upset. I’ll try not to rush over to them too quickly because I want to give them time to see if they can sort out the conflict themselves. It’s seriously the best when they are able to settle each other down and figure out a way to happily play again together.
Let them enjoy the good moments a bit longer
I often feel compelled to let the girls play just a bit longer when they are playing well together, even if that means to delay Baby Pizza’s nap for a bit. Honestly, it ‘s mostly because selfishly, I get more “me time” but I also want them to know how good it feels to get along and have fun together.
Praise them
If the girls played really well together, I will let them know and point out something specific I liked seeing them do. For example, I might tell them how I really liked how they shared together or took turns. I will also praise them individually for actions that I saw that helped them to play well together.
With all this being said, it’s not always easy for them to resolve conflicts on their own. There are many moments when I will just settle the girls down myself because I just want to resolve things quickly. But I have noticed my girls’ growing abilities to resolve conflicts on their own. My hope is that as they become better at resolving conflicts with each other, the skills will become more second nature to them as they engage with peers more independently and conflicts start to become more complex.
What are some ways you help your little ones understand and resolve conflict?
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