Last week I got a call that I hoped to never receive: an abnormal freckle had come back from the lab testing positive for melanoma. Skin cancer.

Melanoma runs in my family and it has always been something that I’ve been extremely scared and cautious about. For those of you who do not know as much about various skin cancers, melanoma is the most deadly. It is also quite rare. It is caused by sun and UV exposure but there is a genetic component as well, and I’ve always been watched closely by a dermatologist given that both my mother and my mother’s father survived melanoma. I also have very fair skin and burn easily, traits that indicate that I may be more susceptible to skin cancer and melanoma.

I have always been extremely diligent about getting annual skin cancer screenings every year. This year, things were so hectic and busy in my personal and work life that I honestly almost forgot. It was also really annoying to schedule my check-up this summer because we moved this past year and I had to establish care with a new dermatologist. A few weeks ago, I randomly received an email from a practice where I had gotten a cosmetic facial and they highlighted that they offer annual skin cancer checks. That email is what prompted me to schedule the appointment. It’s interesting, one of the first questions that I get when I share the news of my melanoma is if I had a concern about a particular mole or freckle. I did not. I had absolutely no concerns at all and I was actually optimistic that this would be my second year in a row with no biopsies of suspicious moles or freckles.

During the appointment, the dermatologist scanned my entire body and found nothing of concern until she got to my chest. She pointed to a very dark freckle that was on my upper chest and she asked me if it was new. I looked down and could barely see what she was asking me about because it was nearly out of my field of vision. I had never ever paid any attention to that freckle. I had brought my records from my prior annual skin checks and the freckle was not noted on my body map from one year ago. The freckle did not look concerning to me but the dermatologist didn’t like it. She immediately numbed the area, cut out the freckle, and sent it to the lab for testing. She didn’t seem overly concerned but we agreed together that it’s better to be safe than sorry when melanoma runs in your family.

Something like two weeks went by with no word from the dermatologist about results. I figured that no news was good news. Unfortunately, in this case, no news meant that results were taking longer than normal because they re-ran the testing to be certain.

When I got the call from the doctor, the first words out of my mouth were “oh shit”. I was shocked. And I was really, really scared. Still, as she walked me through the diagnosis and the next steps, my head was somehow really clear. I managed to schedule the surgery that would be required, and we discussed that because we had caught the melanoma so early, it was unlikely to have spread to my lymph nodes.

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As soon as I got off the phone with the doctor, my first call was to Mr. Starfish and emotion suddenly flooded me. I could not get out the words at all and I just started crying as soon as he picked up. When I finally managed to sputter out “melanoma. in. a. freckle”, he immediately comprehended and also became emotional. He is fully aware of how serious melanoma is given my family history and the fact that it can be deadly. He is scared. I am scared.

Tomorrow is surgery. We will then know more about how badly the melanoma may have spread. They will also send some of the skin that they will remove for additional testing to get a better sense of how likely it is that it spreads even further based on genetic markers. Despite all results that we receive, even if they are profoundly optimistic, I will never have an annual skin cancer check again – instead my schedule has shifted to every three months in an abundance of caution.

We are taking a lot of comfort in the fact that we caught this so early. Melanoma is one of the most treatable cancers with a high survival rate if it is indeed caught before spreading and invading. I am writing this post mostly because the Hellobee community has been one of the most powerful resources of support for me and I’m in need now of some of that hive love. But I am also writing this post to remind you to get your annual skin cancer check. I cringe to think about what could have happened if I had skipped my check this year…