Hellobee

I was really, really looking forward to my midwife led birth center birth for baby #3. I was excited for many aspects of it: the midwifery model of care, the beautiful hotel-like birthing suites, the ability to go home within a few hours of giving birth, and the lack of interventions available. I chose one based on a friend’s recommendation who had given birth there last summer. I set up my annual exam so I could become familiar with the location and the people. I had both of my previous birth records transferred to them to confirm that my cases of shoulder dystocia didn’t risk me out automatically. The news was great; they didn’t even consider the second one a true dystocia because it was only 30 seconds. I also had my husband join me for a birth center consult to help him feel more comfortable with my decision. Everything was smooth sailing until my IUGR diagnosis at 20 weeks.

Saying Goodbye to the Midwives

I knew deep down while at my anatomy scan that I would be switching back to a hospital birth but I wanted to make sure it was necessary. I went to my regularly scheduled appointment about two weeks after the ultrasound with the MFM specialist and the midwife I saw quickly told me they had to let me go. I was surprised at how abrupt it felt but I’m sure they can only take low-risk pregnancies and they have their protocols like everyone else does. I did ask the midwife to let me stay on until after my follow-up scan because the tech had such difficulty getting all the measurements, and as my husband pointed out, it would be nice to have two data points before reaching a conclusion. She agreed thankfully, and my following appointment was at 25 weeks so I was able to get my glucose testing done as well as discuss baby’s growth. Baby ended up growing on its own little curve which was great news but that still put baby at the 3rd percentile and I would need to give birth in a hospital under the care of an OBGYN.

At my final birth center appointment the nurse gave me the sugary drink in a glass with a silicone straw and asked me to record my own time. As instructed I finished my drink just before my five minutes were up because I wanted the test to be valid obviously, but I appreciated their trusting and hands off approach. It was a stark contrast to what I was used to, sitting in a tiny lab cubicle with a nurse watching her stopwatch and staring at me as I drank from a small bottle.

I then had a lovely conversation with the head midwife and she helped me discuss my options for hospitals and OB’s. She also told me to keep in touch and let them know what happens with our sweet babe. I got the closure I needed and was able to accept that a birth center was not where our baby would be born. Thanks to the understanding and compassion of the more senior midwife, I quickly switched my mindset and made the phone call to a new OB office that same afternoon.

Before I go any further I want to reiterate that this is my personal story and journey and some people love their hospital births and that is great! I spent a long time pretending I didn’t have trauma from my second son’s birth, but after meeting with three doulas during my current pregnancy and crying every time I got to that birth story, I realized I was not over it and there is no right or wrong way to have trauma. Without going into too much detail, my trauma stemmed from a suffocatingly strong epidural, a feeling like I wasn’t present for my son’s birth, and a vacuum assist that I keep blocking from my memory. My husband has told me multiple times that it happened but I have no recollection of it and I feel like he’s telling me someone else’s story. Anyway, you can read my first two birth stories here and here if you’re interested.

I believe the best births are mom and baby focused, where consent is granted so that the birthing family feels empowered by their decisions. There are wonderful, gentle, family-centered cesarean births and if my baby joins us that way I plan on having exactly that. But after two very different epidural births and this gut feeling I’ve had since my first pregnancy, I knew I wanted a go for a med-free birth this time around. And I knew I had to build a team around me to achieve this because a lack of support was the reason I got an epidural the first time, and a lack of preparation was the reason for the second time.

Building My Team

My number one priority was investing in a birth doula. I started the process early on and I’m glad I did because my doula has been a great support throughout my pregnancy as well as offering Reiki sessions, craniosacral therapy, and insight into OB practices, chiropractors, and more.

I also began engaging with my husband about what I’ve been learning regarding more natural birth practices, and being very vocal about what I want from my birth experience this time around. We watched The Business of Being Born together, and he is also participating as my birth partner in the Hypnobabies coursework I am doing in preparation. It’s been really fun learning new things together and it’s amazing how differently we approached our first two births in comparison to this one.

I purchased the Hypnobabies home study course and have been diligently doing my homework and listening to my hypnosis tracks every night. I can share more details about Hypnobabies in the future, but so far I’m really enjoying it and feeling very positive and excited to give birth. I will say I was hesitant to give it a chance, but all 3 of the doulas I met with told me they were certified Hypno-doulas and it seemed like the more I tried to get away from it the more I should dive in and just do it.

I also hired a birth photographer to capture our birthing experience and baby’s entrance into this world. This proved to be a difficult task because everyone I emailed or messaged seemed to be taking December off or was on a break from booking births. In the end I found someone amazing and I couldn’t be happier. Not only was it important that the photographer take incredible photos but also that they shared a similar birth philosophy to me. It reminds me of when I was interviewing vendors for our wedding and one of my questions was, “Will you work with same-sex couples?” I could not imagine giving my money to a business that discriminated against specific people. When it comes to an event as intimate as a wedding or a birth, it’s important to feel safe and supported. My birth photographer and I could have chatted all day and I knew right away that she was the one who should capture our third baby’s birth.

Meeting with the OB

At the end of a very long intake appointment that included blood work and meeting with a nurse practitioner, I was able to meet my new OB. He had come recommended but I still anxious about it. Thankfully he was very kind, a bit solemn, but kind. Naturally he’s concerned about baby’s size and all that comes along with it, but he doesn’t see why I can’t try for a vaginal birth as long as things continue to look good. I asked if I could tell him what my goals were and what I’d like for my birth, and I appreciated him taking the time to listen. I’ll be bringing Mr. Cookie to meet him at the next appointment, and then I’ll probably start making the rounds to get to know the other providers.

While it went well, I have to say the differences between the birth center and the OB clinic were glaringly obvious right off the bat. It was in little things like the amount of paperwork and the wording in it, the lab requirements, insurance questions, asking for a credit card to keep on file, less time with the actual care provider, etc. The OB office felt much more like a business but thankfully the staff was all quite lovely. Of course every practice is different! This is purely my experience, I cannot comment on all OB practices or all midwife practices.

I’m now 28 weeks and this pregnancy has been such a lesson in loss of control and flexibility. We have to prepare for so many different outcomes and some days my anxiety gets the best of me. In the end, I can’t control when baby comes or whether or not I’m high-risk, whether or not I get induced, where I give birth, who attends my birth, none of that. But I can control the people around me and the tools at my disposable. I can choose to be positive and hopeful and just love on this precious baby. It’s OK that I had a desire for a birth center midwife led birth, my opinions matter (just like every pregnant mama’s opinions matter), but ultimately we will do what is best for our baby, and we will have a wonderful hospital birth and that’s OK too.