Hellobee

Everyone told me that when I had my daughter. When you have a daughter, she is yours for life but it is not the case for a son. Since we may end up only having one child, I am really glad that my only one is a daughter for that very reason. Here’s hoping that we have a good relationship and she will always want me around!

And if we do decide to have #2, I would totally not mind having another daughter!! Then I will (hopefully) never be that dreaded mother-in-law!

Gosh, this makes me want to call my mother-in-law (a mom of 3 boys) and have lunch with her! I never thought about it this way…

I think every mom needs to have a daughter.. There’s a saying..
“a son is a son until he gets married. a daughter is a daughter forever.”
My mom and I are super close. We talk almost every day, and the hubs and I would feel comfy living with her too.
Mother in law is awesome. But we seldom talk to her.. we maybe email once a week.
There’s something special about having a daughter..

I have a son and right now can’t imagine anything else. Part of me wants all boys because I can picture it. What’s funny is that I’m so not tomboyish or anything. I think part of it is that I want to relive childhood things that I didn’t get to do/have because my mom was so focused on gender roles. So I can’t wait to help the boys build a treehouse, to play in the dirt, etc.

There is that slight part of me that does want a daughter though. If it happens, I’ll be thrilled of course, but if it doesn’t I won’t know any difference. My mom and I aren’t close though, so I don’t want to recreate that relationship.

This makes me sad. I am having a son, and we are probably only going to have 1 child. And I agree to all of the above

i think that’s why most women want girls. at least, that’s one reason i want to. my MIL is a good MIL – i know korean MILs can be witchy. but she’s still an IL. i won’t EVER feel as comfy with her as my own mother. she has only 2 sons and i try to be a good “daughter” to her, but we just don’t have that “connection”….

I have a horrible relationship with my mother to the point that we probably won’t have a relationship much longer, so I was terrified of having a girl. Since Wombat is a girl, I’m facing my fear and doing my best to make sure she knows that I love her.

Aw this makes me sad for my mother-in-law. She has sons only (2). But she and I are very close. I love her and hope she feels like she gained a daughter isntead of lost a son.

Some sons are a son forever too!!

Love,
Charlie and Mr. Bee

My MIL is the mother of two boys (my hubs and his brother are fraternal twins) and she LOVEs/d when her sons brought home girlfriends for dinner and such because she craved female company. She is tomboyish because of having sons and a husband but now that I’m in the family now and gave her a granddaughter, she is a different person.

For me, I always wanted a daughter and told my hubs that if we end up having 15 sons, we’ll keep trying until I get my little girl. My mom told me that daughters understand their mothers when they become mothers themselves. Sons can never have that same understanding.

Though I would love to have one of each, if I had to choose between sons and daughters, I’d choose daughters, for sure. I know my husband feels the same way– having grown up in a family with two boys, he said he’d be more than happy if we only had girls.

This does make me feel bad for my mother in law, as well. She’s an amazing and loving woman with whom I wish I was closer. Unfortunately, she lives 1000 miles away and we don’t get to see her very often.

My mom, on the other hand, lives nextdoor.

Aww, this totally made me call my MIL She has three boys too.

Honestly, ideally we would have one boy and one girl! I am really close with my mom, and I would love to have that with a daughter as well.

Ha, Mr. Bee! I know my son would be my son forever, and I would love him forever and ever. I just think I could identify more with a daughter Again, though, I would be happy with both/ either!

Interesting, I never thought of it in those terms but I would have to agree that in general, daughters are forever. I do have some guy friends that are definitely mama’s boys (in a good way) and calls their moms every week just to chat.

Although I love my MIL and wouldn’t mind her living with us, it’s not the same type of closeness I feel with my mother. That being said, I wouldn’t be able to live with my mother ’cause we would get on each other’s nerves

Awww, this is so sad thinking about it. I would like daughters (just because I want girls, nothing about the whole “forever-daughter” thing) and my hubs says he doesn’t care either way. However, being Asian and all, I see daughters not only being closer to their families, but also sticking around to take care of their parents if/when they are to get sick.

I think I agree with what others have said! I definitely think it’s true, that moms and daughters generally are closer, especially once the daughter has children of their own. Ideally, I’d like to have one of each, but if I could only have one, I’d rather have a girl.

I’d like one of each. I have a son and, yeah, sons usually aren’t as close to their moms when they get married. But that’s not the case with my husband. He has a pretty healthy and close relationship with his mom. She’s good to me so I’m pretty lucky she’s not a controlling MIL. Pretty hands off.

But I would like a daughter b/c daughter’s are closer to their moms. My sister and I are really close to my mom and I really like that. Hopefully #2 is a girl! Keeping my fingers crossed!

My cousin who i’m super close in an almost sister way just found out shes having a girl. We’re a litle ways off from ttc but by the time we do mine and hers will be the same age apart as me and my cousin. I would love to have a little girl too so they can be like we were growing up. I would love to have 3 kids hopefully my hubs can handle it. that way we either get a mix of the two or if its three girls or three boys its like a pack (oh there goes the Deni Boys or theres the Deni Sisters).

I also want to have them be close in age like 2-3 yrs apart me and my brother are 9 yrs and it took a long time for us to have a close relationship

my husband and i are very close to my side of the family. Even though my in laws live with us and my parents don’t we are still closer to my parents. My husband has literally become like a son to them. I think about how much closer I’ve gotten to my mom after I became a wife and now a mother and I think I’m so blessed to have a daughter and hope that our relationship will be just as great when she gets older. I used to want to have a son because of the traditional side of me, but if I could only have one child I would want a daughter.

That’s exactly why I want to have a daughter so much. I love my boy but I NEED a girl. Call it selfish but I wouldnt feel complete.

My first child is a girl, and I feel so lucky, as I too believe that mothers and daughters have a unique bond that I wanted to experience (as a mother rather than a daughter). Since I already have a daughter, all pressure is off for the next child – I’ll be happy to have either a boy or girl.

Hmmm this is a little interesting for me. My mom died almost 8 years ago so I didn’t have her around for a whole lot of my adult years. I am also very close to my MIL. She has two sons and I am the favorite daughter-in-law. So if we have a son, I don’t feel like I would “lose” my son. I would be truly happy to have a son or two.

But…….I really want a girl! I think because I was the only girl in my family (3 older brothers) and because I lost my mom relatively early, I crave that female bond. Not that I haven’t bonded with my SIL’s or my MIL but it’s different than I had with my mom or what I think I would have if I had a sister.

I have 2 boys and am done having kids so I wouldn’t know it any other way, but I do hope that one day I have as great a relationship with my daughters in law as I do with my own mom.

Both my husband and I have always wanted daughters. I have a very close relationship with my mother, so that is probably why. My husband is one of two sons…so now I understand why my MIL was so excited to “gain a daughter” when I married him I dont think she feels like she has lost her son at all.

The mom/daughter relationship is totally true! My mom and I had a pretty rough time growing up (and even while I was pregnant). But after having my daughter, we’ve definitely gotten closer. This is probably the best our relationship has ever been. I’m looking forward to getting to know Charlie as well

I think it just depends on the mother-son relationship. My husband is a super mama’s boy. He loves his mom deeply and it was so important to him that his mom and I have a great relationship also. His deep respect for his mom is love, beyond love…it’s beautiful! So in our marriage, she did not lose a son, she gained a daughter that also loves and respect her dearly.

I love this conversation. As we are TTC #2 it’s on my mind a lot.

I’ve always wanted 1 of each with a boy first. (I think cause I loved having an older brother) I got my wish and absolutely LOVE being a boy mom! As we look towards #2 I don’t think I’ll be disappointed either way. Yes I’d like a girl, but I’m ok with another boy and being a ‘boy mom’. But I MOST DEFINITELY could not imagine myself being a ‘girl mom’ (only) so I’m just happy that won’t happen.

I was talking to my mom about this a couple weeks ago and she said she had the EXACT same thoughts when she was expecting #2 (me) (She was team green.) But now that she has me she couldn’t imagine not having the mother-daughter relationship we have. (Awe – she’s sweet – and she is my best friend!) So yes – I definitely yearn for that mother-daughter relationship and already refer to #2 (not yet conceived) as ‘she’

(But I just can’t wrap my head around a little bundle swaddled in pink – it would be such a change!! Even though it’s what I say I want!)

There’s also the sibling issue.
I have a sister and am VERY close with her. My husband has a brother and two sisters and is VERY close with his brother, but not so much with his sisters.

I have a son, and am pregnant with my second hoping for a boy because I want my kids to be VERY close. I know there are siblings out there that are of opposite gender that are close, but there’s nothing like having a sibling of the same sex. Being able to talk to them about boys, sharing clothes, experiencing motherhood together. Everyone in my family is hoping for a girl for the reasons Mrs. Bee states, but I’d give it up so that my son has a best friend for life.

I had never thought of this before. I’d love to have 2 boys & 2 girls *knock on wood*. I think it would be lovely to have a large, tight-knit family. here’s hoping that the desires in my head play out, though when does that happen?
my mom & I had a really rocky time during my late teenage years, but I think that had more to do with her drug use than with my being a teenager. I didn’t really have a father figure in my life {other than my grandfather, who was amazing} & all the women in my family are really strong, fantastic people, so I hope that we have a daughter to continue that.

I’m with you… after having Noah, I appreciate and respect my mom so much more. We’ve also become more closer. I’m looking forward to that with my little girl.

i’ve always wanted a girl for all the reasons stated above… that they’ll be with you for life, the mother-daughter bond, and that they’re more likely to take care of you in old age…. so i’m glad that my first one is a girl – like someone else said, it takes a lot of pressure off the 2nd child. i would love a 2nd daughter because i loved having a sister – she is my best friend… but it would be interesting to parent a son too (plus that’s what my husband wants).

my mom and i didn’t always have the best relationship, but it completely changed and we are closer than ever now after i became a mom. i didn’t always agree with the way she parented, but i understand now that her choices were made out of deep deep love… and i didn’t/couldn’t get it until i became a mother myself.

“A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of your life”…is so true. Ask Mothers of married sons if they ever and/or rarely hear from their sons. I am a divorced woman, with 4 biological sons, and one adopted daughter(she was #4)…then I had another boy!!….when they are young there is no difference. Once they get married, one reliquishes their sons to their wives and their wives family. I hardly ever hear from my sons, and when I do, they have nothing to say. Nothing is ever new. I never know what is going on in their families, and I am not included, really in their lives. On the other hand, their wives talk daily with their Mothers and fill them in on all the goings on etc. etc. It is extremely painful to me. I feel I wasted all my youth/energy caring, loving, and supporting them while growing up; and then that’s it. They just move on. Yes, they love me inside, I am sure. But that is not enough. It is very painful to be a Mother-in-law. I wish I could find some support group to help me through the down moments of wanting things to be different.

I DISAGREE. I am a girl and am MUCH closer to my father, and really never had a good relationship with my mother. I have 4 sisters and one brother, the only sibling close to mom is MY BROTHER. All of my sisters are closer and more fond of my father and it has always been that way. Actually, the males in my family tend to be very much mamas boys. My father and his brother still see my grandma every few days and they still ask her for advice and listen to her. So, I find it to be more the relationship they have, than what gender your child is. Honestly, what I notice with having 4 sisters and being female myself, is that the mothers of males tend to be someone jealous and sometimes come across as controlling or meddling and they create an element of female rivalry. I really HATE my MIL, and she is actually not close to any of her 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I disagree that gender has ANYTHING to do with it. Instead, I have found that what plays a huge role is the attitude, personality and the way the MIL or mother of the son is with the daughter in law AND the relationship she has with her sons. A son that grew up with a very strong, loving and connected relationship with their mother is not all of a sudden going to write her out of his life. If you have that strong bond and relationship with your child no matter what gender they are, that is what is going to count. And, if when the mother of her son becomes a MIL can put aside any female rivalry (and female rivalry is VERY, VERY strong), then the mother can and will always be a strong part of her son’s life and very involved with the grand kids. My MIL is a cattty, jealous woman. I WANTED very badly to have a good relationship with her, but she just would not allow that. I even let her be present at the birth of our second son and I would have NEVER allowed my mother to be there… and that did not even make a difference. She hardly sees us or her grand kids because she chooses that, and is often to caught up in herself. Through growing up surrounded by these exact situations serving as very good examples, and now being an adult and having all sisters and cousins and nieces and nephews going through these situations… gender has NOTHING to do with it, it is all about the relationship, bond and attitude from day one that counts,

Wow! I have so enjoyed reading this thread. I have two boys (one is off to college this coming fall), and after discussing with my husband why he doesn’t seem to care if he sees his mother at all, I began to wonder…will the same thing happen to me? I have a fantastic relationship with my sons. The oldest and I connect more readily, but I do feel close to my youngest. My husband said that when he was small he spent time with his mother, but then his mom just started doing things with his sisters, and then they just left him out altogether. I guess I can see why he has no relationship…there was not ne to begin with. All of the people who posted about their husbands talking to their moms weekly, or the like, really made me feel like I won’t lose my sons after they have women in their lives. I certainly appreciate the suggestion that as the MIL, I must not let female rivalry get in the way of my relationship with my son’s chosen. That is an excellent point. What I am wondering, though, is this…can mothers with both boys and girls be closer to their son than their daughter? I saw one poster who said yes. Anyone else? Or does it always go like this…mom hangs out with daughter, son hangs with dad, or his friends?

Irene, go for the girl. Why one? I believe it is best to have more than one child, although magazines will tell you that an only child will be smarter. The truth is, they are more perfectionist and less able to make adjustments, when it comes to life and their marriage. If it is a physical issue for you, you can always adopt a precious little girl from China.

If I had known how my life would unravel, I would have had a second child. And I think, given what I now know at 60, I would still have 2 children, even if my life had not changed so dramatically. One day, it seems, it was me, my lifelong best friend and husband, our son, his parents, my sister, my Dad and mom and our mutual best friend and the next, I’m standing alone 1000 miles away from my son. Within the span of a year, my mom/dad (70’s), husband (58), in-laws (81/82), my sister (56), and our mutual best friend (69) died. My son graduated from college and moved 1000 miles away to start his new life. And I’m living all alone in a huge house on lots of acreage in the middle of rural America in the Northwest.

Because I’m techy, I can text my son daily — a son who is a programmer. But he’s 24 and face it…what 24-year old son wants to be connected/talking to mom daily and visiting her in an area where it’s gorgeous but he’d be visiting her living all alone in her home…

After reading this, I’ve realized that since my hubby died, I’ve been trying to create a closer relationship with my son, for obvious reasons. But after reading this, I’ve come to realize that I’m hoping he’ll behave with me like a daughter would have.

This article made me teary. I realized that I need to stop reaching out to him with work-related (we can talk code / programming together… we are both business owners) talk and allow the natural distance to grow between us, as, well, he is a boy.

Darn. This was a reality check. I am so very sad.

Don’t have just a single boy child..or even just one child. At the minimum …have two children. Then they have each other, when both parents die..and that’s important..

Ah well… life is hard…but we must walk..

My heart goes out to the previous poster (Cindy). I’m so sorry for all your losses and I hope I can offer hope; it sounds like you’ve done a great job staying close with your son and this is but another cycle in relating. Son or daughter, people need more or less space at different times in their lives.

I have a baby daughter and am pregnant with a son. Hearing your experience as wanting two children as a mother to a young adult makes me happy I’m having another. I’m nearly 40 myself and doubted I’ve have the stamina to do the newborn jig with a toddler. But it’s important to have the long view.

Life is absolutely wild. Having babies at all, any gender blows my mind. Added to that their little personalities evolving in front of you. The universe expressing itself through these beings we birth and raise. Boys, girls, who decides? We witness and do our best to be gracious. What a ride.

Replying to cindy above. Really feel for you from the uk. Would come and give you company and support. I know what you mean. You have my empathy.

I have a son and would love a daughter next time around. I do believe that sentiment to be true, sons belong to their mothers until they marry, then his wife is the woman in his life. Although i shudder at the thought that one day my son wont want to snuggle in my arms, it should be that way! I hope I can one day share the bond my mama and I share with a daughter of my own.

I am a mom of two young boys and I came here because this question nags at me. I don’t know if we should have another. I’m super close to my boys. They’re everything to me. They’re definitely closer to me than to their father, though they are close to him as well. But my mom passed when I was young, I’m taking care of my father as he nears death (my older two sisters abandoned both of us), I don’t speak with my siblings, my husband’s sister lives far away, we stay with my in-laws a couple weeks of the year and love them but aren’t emotionally close, and my kids have no first cousins. I’m scared they and I/we will end up alone.

Since my mom passed, and my sister-in-law isn’t close with her mom (my mil just doesn’t have a high EQ and isn’t nurturing or motherly), I don’t know how adult mother/daughter relationships work. Are they really so great? Am I missing out on all the goodness my entire life? Should I try for a girl?

My dads mom had 3 boys. My dad ate lunch at her apartment every day over his lunch break. My mom called her “mom.” When grandma got to sick to live alone in her 80s, she moved in with my dad who took care of her daily until she passed away.

Grandma spoke on the phone with her middle son every day, just to chat about their days. He is a man who acts feminine and is an interior designer and everyone thinks he’s gay, but he’s been happily married his entire life. He super loves women and was super close to his mom.

And then my grandma’s youngest son — her favorite — stopped seeing or speaking with her more than a couple times a year, despite living a few minutes away. His wife cut him away from his family. It pained my grandma deeply, she loved him so much. He’d show up on holidays, hug her, and leave.

With all that, I think she still would have loved a girl. She felt like a mother of boys. I’m nearing 40. My life is good. But maybe we should try, and love our baby no matter what sex it is. Because I do love boys!!!