This installment is guest written by Mr. Jacks!

Long before Mrs. Jacks and I had Little Jacks, I was interested in the idea of becoming a stay at home dad.  When we moved to Utah for Mrs. Jacks’ job, it provided the perfect opportunity for me to try it.  Though there was a lot to adjust to (especially moving to a very conservative state), I was able to make it work. Here’s how I made the transition.

Work at Home Dad

I had a frank discussion with my boss on how I was going to maintain my work productivity while staying home with our daughter.  We came to an agreement that I would work during core hours (10am to 3pm) as much as possible, but most of my work would get done during off hours and on weekends if necessary. When Little Jacks was very young, I was able to get most of my work done during her naps, but as she dropped naps, I found myself having to work late at night or over the weekends to make up the difference.  Now I’ve transitioned to working on projects with longer deadlines, so that I can budget my time appropriately.  This has actually turned out quite well — it has enabled me to take the time that I need with my daughter during the day, and get my work done as our family schedule allows.

Now we are planning for number two!  This is going to be a whole different ball game.  I knew right off the bat that I would not be able to work and take care of an infant and toddler at the same time… I mean I’m good, but not that good! So Mrs. Jacks and I decided that I should take time off from work.  The days will be tough since there will be two dramatically different nap and feeding schedules.  Some of you may know that Little Jacks will only nap in a babywearing device.  There is no way that we can do that again!  Naps will happen from the get go in the crib (at least I can hope!), and Little Jacks and I will be working on taking naps in what she calls “own bed” (a Montessori style bed that we set up in our bedroom just for her).

ADVERTISEMENT

Stay at Home Dad

Making the decision to be a SAHD is not a decision to take lightly.  There are certain aspects of staying at home that didn’t become clear until I was doing it.  The feeling of seclusion is the first thing that comes to mind, especially in Utah.  For a stay at home mom, it can be relatively easy to find a group of other moms to socialize with– just go to any local park during the day, and you’re likely to find at least a few moms with their kids. For me, it was not so easy.  I did not run into another stay at home dad for the first five months (with the exception of our neighbors).

I spent the first five months working, taking care of our daughter, and taking the dog to the dog park. Aside from Mrs. Jacks’ work social events, I was pretty secluded.  During this time, I started blogging about the whole experience of being a stay at home dad in our local area.  I also reached out to other dads at athomedad.org hoping to find some local guys, but there had been no Utah locals there for over a year.  So I decided to take matters into my own hands by creating a local dads group.  Soon two dads contacted me asking if I was doing dad group meetups! We had our first meeting at a local coffee house and things took off from there.  A year later and there are now 20 or so members on the email list, and the group is growing all the time.

Part of the problem is that dads only makes up around 3% of the total number of stay at home parents (as of 2006).  Though the numbers are rising, there are still some serious stereotypes about stay at home dads.  I have gotten comments on several occasions like “Is today dad’s day out?” and “Need any help with that?”  The guys and I just try to ignore those comments.  We do just as good a job taking care of our kids every day as our partners (and in some cases better), and that is ok.  I would never ask my partner to be a stay at home mom because I know that she would go stir crazy, whereas I can be content with spending most of the day at home if necessary.

So I’m getting ready to be the stay at home dad of 2 kids.  I know it’s going to be hard, but I’m looking forward to it.  I’ll keep you posted on how it goes!

Are there any other SAHD’s out there?