Charlie has been developing a growing problem with sharing over the past year. He’s always been great at sharing his food, mostly because he doesn’t like to eat. But sharing his possessions was another story, especially after he became hyper-aware of ownership: for as long as I can remember, he’d refer to my drink as “Daddy’s Snapple” or to Bee’s coffee as “Mommy’s coffee.” Over time, that started to develop into possessiveness of his own items, and a growing reluctance to share.

It hasn’t been a huge problem at daycare because they don’t have his favorite toys there. But he’s had growing difficulty sharing the things at home that he truly loves, like his mini-stroller, his firetruck or his favorite doll.  When people come over, we try and hide those things so that sharing wars don’t break out!

We didn’t realize how bad Charlie’s lack of sharing had gotten until we went to a birthday picnic at a local park.  Soon after we got there, the birthday boy decided he wanted to play with Charlie’s firetruck.  Well, Charlie absolutely refused!  The birthday boy started crying, and Charlie refused to reconsider.  The birthday boy started crying hot wet little tears. I felt like the Grinch Who Stole A Little Boy’s Birthday.  In that moment, both Bee and I knew we needed to get serious about teaching Charlie to share.  When we got home that day, Bee bought two books about sharing.

 
Sharing Time  |  Martha Doesn’t Share!

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As soon as the books came, we started reading both books to Charlie every night.  Well he absolutely loved Sharing Time, and started requesting it by name on a regular basis.  So we read it over and over, and we both quickly memorized the entire book.  It has some great lines in it, like:

* If you feel sad or mad, you might want to yell or grab.  Try this! Take deep breaths in and out.  (Then we both take 3 HUGE breaths in and out, and Charlie dissolves into laughter.)
* Time to use your sharing words! Can I play with that?  Yes!  Can I have a turn?  Ok!
* But wait — sometimes the answer you’ll hear is “no.” Can I use that, please? No. Someone might not want to share.

I think this book helped in two ways. First, it gave Charlie a better understanding of what to say when someone asks to play with something or to have a turn.  He used to always say no when someone asked to share his favorite toy.  But slowly but surely, he’s gotten more willing to say, “yes.”  Also, I think it’s increased Charlie’s empathy slightly.

Then last week came the ultimate test.  Charlie had a playdate with a new friend: a little girl around his age that also loves Thomas the Tank Engine!  She came over and started playing with all his favorite trains on his train table.  Before I could say, “Sharing can be double the fun!” I could see Charlie’s brow furrowing as he fought back his gut reaction.  Without us forcing him to, he let her play with his trains without grabbing them out of her hands!  A first!  Then he let her sit in his favorite chair: a little seat with the word Charlie sewn into it.  Finally, she started snaking his Strawberry Mum-Mums and he decided he was ok with that too.  Either he really just was in love with this little blonde girl, or he was learning how to share.  We chose to believe it was the latter.

We were so proud of our super sharer!  Since then, he let another friend use our backyard water hose (a minor miracle, trust me) and then later he handed out his favorite Strawberry Mum-Mums to all his daycare classmates (even though I could tell he really didn’t want to). We’re not out of the woods yet, but it’s great to see this kind of progress!

If your little one is wrestling with sharing, I highly recommend the book that Bee found: Sharing Time, by Elizabeth Verdick.  It’s a great way to get even a reluctant sharer to start sharing!

Does your LO share well with others?  How have you gotten your LO to share their favorite toys?