Hellobee

This is so hard. I am working part time right now and although DH is very helpful there is still an expectation that I handle the nights… although I’m opposed to CIO I’m sometimes at a loss of what else to do! Ugh!

I was at home with my son for 2 years, and you bet we sleep trained. For us, it was about teaching our son a critical skill, falling asleep on his own and soothing himself in the night.

eta: It took us three attempts and only when our son was ready at 11 months was the excercise effective.

Why feel guilty? I am firmly in the non-cio camp, but I definitely think being an at-home mom doesn’t preclude anything that works for your family. If it’s something you want to try or think might help, don’t feel bad. Sleep is a tough topic, and often hard to come by. And that NPR segment? Yeah. I’m now so scared of lack of sleep that it keeps me up nights!

I am not SAH but have the same struggles. DH has never gotten up with either of our LO at night. DD STTN at around 12w which was awesome however DS has and still is getting up at least once a night at almost 7m. I’m lucky to have an understanding job but my co-workers have come to gauge how much interaction to have with me based upon how droopy my eyes look when I first get in.

While we are not opposed to CIO since DS and DD share a room I am always afraid that his crying will wake her up.

I did not feel guilty sleep training. That being said, Norah was a good night sleeper { days were another story } from early on so I never really had to train or let her CIO truly, if I had to do hours of crying I may have changed the plan!

That being said, even though I am currently a SAHM, I know that she NEEDS her sleep so we can have more enjoyable days. I give you alot of credit for getting up with your little one and then having full days as well. This motherhood thing is not easy.

p.s. I strongly believe that even if we do not get paid, we are still “working” the next day!

We looked at sleep training as important for THEM, first and foremost. They need to develop their ability to sleep in order to be independent, well-rested babies, kids, and adults. We never did CIO, but we have been vigilant about establishing good habits since day one!
I SAH, as well, and DH has always helped with night wake ups. Being at home all day IS work (very fun and rewarding work, yes, but still)…the only difference is that I don’t get dressed up and drive my car to an office. Physically and emotionally, it’s harder than any desk job I have ever had! So on that front, it was also important that our babies STTN…I needed to be on my game if I was going to be the best possible Mommy during the days.
So don’t feel guilty!

I’m a SAHM but that doesn’t mean I deserve any less sleep than any other parent. I still have things to get done during the day and a body to take care of which requires sleep at some point.

I also feel like teaching my daughter to sleep is a critical skill for her to develop. I am doing her a disservice by not teaching her to sleep.

I am very fortunate that most of the time I am able to sleep in with my daughter after a rough night but that isn’t a long term solution in my opinion.

I’m not a SAHM, but def encountered this sentiment during maternity leave. While, of course, I took on the bulk of night wakings when DH went back to work; I think it’s wrong to just assume that it should be the SAHM should handle it all the time. being a SAHM is a job that is incomparable! Yes you don’t go into an office, but the whole “sleep when baby sleeps” rarely happens when you’re trying to keep house too! It’s like a 24 hour never ending job.

Don’t feel guilty mama, you’re doing an amazing job!!

I’m the parent who works out of the home, and DH is a stay-at-home dad. Frankly, I can’t imagine telling him that he has to sacrifice his sleep because I have a “busy day” the next day… so does he!

Also, in case you need to read this: you don’t need to be a SAHM, do you? It’s not for everyone. I love my son ferociously, but it makes a lot more sense for me to be the one who goes to the office each day. And there’s nothing wrong with two parents working full-time: that’s what I grew up with and I was very happy.

Um… yes!!! My dad worked and my Mom stayed home and she never went to me at night after I got through the newborn stage unless I was sick. In fact, I never even went into their bedroom as a child – it was totally off limits. I grew up understanding that I couldn’t leave my room after bedtime until a certain time in the morning and it was fine. I probably slept a lot better because of that!

I’m going to be a working Mom and use the CIO method once it’s safe, but it would be no different if I were staying home. You need your sleep and it’s better for your baby IMO!

@purrpletulips: I feel you. DH does really detail-oriented work, works late often, and is very busy once he gets home (he is daddy daycare two nights a week while I go off to teach in the evenings, does all our lawn maintenance which takes up his twilight hours, does our finances as well, and sometimes works at night after Scribble is asleep for the evening). If he did nights as well he’d basically only be working all day, every day, which would make him and me miserable! So it is worth it to me to give him those breaks. He’s never slept in a different room though! So from months 1-6 he was basically waking with us.

@Mrs. Tea: Honestly, right now I must admit I can’t think of SAHMhood as “work.” It is more of a complete lifestyle change, if that makes sense? A paradigm shift. But there are too many snuggles, too many opportunities for naps or to catch a TV show, too many long lunch dates, for me to think of it as equivocal to the corporate world. My kid is a really good napper and a (knock on wood) excellent travel companion so perhaps that contributes to my perspective!

@Schmei: I think everyone’s work situation is so complicated! I would like to look for full-time work once we are in the process of weaning; right now I don’t think I could pump enough to leave him and I can’t stand not to make it to my 1 year EBF goal since we are only 4.5 months from the finish line! But we also would like to try for another in 2014, which might make it difficult to re-enter a salaried job only to have to leave it again a few months–year later (I honestly think it’ll always be a priority for me to have a one stay-at-home parent as long as we have a child under six months in the family). If the right job popped up, I’d be happy to take it though! I always wanted to be an SAHM but now I see my friends’ children thrive in daycare and I am not as rigid about it!

I also struggle with this! I”m a SAHM and have done every night waking since LO was a week old, when DH went back to work. I do feel bad doing sleep training/letting him CIO in any form, because I DON”T need to be “at work” in the morning. Also, DH does need to be functional for work, and it’s much faster and quieter if I go to LO rather than letting him fuss or cry by himself. But I hear ya on the sleep deprivation–I never nap (can’t shut my mind off) and I think I am more tired now, at 5.5. months, than I was when he was a newborn! I guess all those months have caught up with me.

We did CIO at night. She would fuss if we were holding her trying to fall asleep, so ratinalize it with what is the difference in her fussing while I was holding her and on her on in her crib. She began falling asleep with little fussing and sleeping through the night. We never did CIO for naps, but now she is having so much difficulty with naps, we are considering it.

I was completely anti CIO for over a year until I finally admitted to myself that I was miserable. I was so tired and cranky all the time and not enjoying motherhood. For a WHOLE YEAR. I finally did a modified CIO/night weaning schedule that worked like a charm. My baby went from being chronically tired and cranky to well rested. I feel so much better now and am in such a better place. I work part time but I really think if you feel this is something you need to do, DO IT. I promise your whole family will benefit. Your health and outlook affect the dynamics of your whole family.

To answer your question, YES! Absolutely. I am a SAHM and I can tell you, when both LO and I are rested it is 100% a better, happier, more productive day than when we are sleep deprived. I have struggled with some of the same feelings you have, but I am learning to let go. I finally realized that if I weren’t “working” during the day then I wouldn’t be so exhausted/ready to drop by 7pm (G’s bedtime). Please don’t let anyone make you feel like your “work” is unimportant. Now, if you aren’t fulfilled by being at home, that is a different story and I agree with others who say there is nothing wrong with going back to work. You deserve not just to CIO, but to be happy!

YES. I am a SAHM too, and my partner works very long hours with heavy machinery, so it is absolutely imperative that he gets enough sleep, We waited until summer holidays (Archie was seven months old) to sleep train so that my husband was home to help, and it was hands-down the best thing we ever did. My son was waking up 5 times a night, and then being sleepy and cranky all day and not feeding well. I was getting mouth ulcers from exhaustion and didn’t want to drive because I was afraid of falling asleep at the wheel, so was stuck at home in a delirious, isolated mess with a tired cranky baby.
After three nights of controlled crying, he started sleeping through from 7pm until 6am and is now much more alert, happy and calm.

@Mrs. Sketchbook: I totally understand the paradigm shift feeling! I sometimes, usually on the easier peaceful days think I have the easy path! Then we have a rough day and I would pay to be back in the classroom teaching ha!

You are doing a great job Momma! I know the feeling when you hear them crying even when they are not oh so well!

Wishing you some lovely uninterrupted sleep tonight

I was lucky and lo is a naturally good sleeper, so no need to cry it out. But when she was teeny tiny and waking up at night dh always took an equal number, if not more, wake ups. Like you said, just because I wasn’t working doesn’t mean sleep isn’t important. I was taking care of our baby, the most important job ever. And you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else.

I think its like the breastfeeding issue. Breasted is best….. but it wasn’t best for me and that made me feel guilty. Sleep training might not be for everyone, but if it helps you and your lo and makes you a happier, healthier mom, then of course its best!

Aside from the log term self soothing benefits to baby and family if you are pro-CIO, yes we SAHPs deserve it! Because our babies deserve alert, responsive stay at home parents and because we may not be at a job but we certainly can’t spend all of or time on the couch or napping. I was lucky and didnt have to sleep train so far (6+ months) but if I had a terrible sleeper I don’t know that I wouldn’t have.

I’m pretty anti-CIO, but as a SAHM, I can relate to your sentiment. I keep telling myself “in another week, she’ll be sleeping good”, that week has yet to come and I’m worn down.