I like to think of myself as a part-time stay-at-home-mom, but these days I’m a full-time stay-at-home-mom.  This became reality for me a few months ago when I had to turn down work because I couldn’t justify the expense of daycare.

When I moved to this area I took a job teaching at a few local colleges. Although the paycheck was small, I loved having such a flexible schedule, and being able to make my own hours. The summer before Scribble was born, I decided not to teach since the job required a lot of travel.  I didn’t want to be heavily pregnant and commuting eighty minutes a day to-and-from work.  Scribble was born a few days after the semester started, so naturally it made sense for me to opt out of teaching in the fall as well. I thought of my summer and fall semesters as my equivalent of a European-style maternity leave. Summer was rough for me because I was so very pregnant and needed structure to help keep my fears about delivery and parenting at bay. But once Scribble got here, I was so busy tending to his needs that the fall flew by.

Spring semester started when Scribble was about five months old, and I returned to work, teaching only one class.  It was the perfect setup; I worked at night so that I didn’t have to find childcare, and the campus I was assigned to was only a fifteen minute drive from home.  This allowed me to take home all of my pay.  I know few working moms are able to do this, but check out  The Adjunct Project to see how little adjuncts are paid per class, and you’ll know why this was important for me to be able to do.

I loved being a part-time working mom. Working brought in a little extra money so we could indulge in some non-necessities, and invest in some badly needed house improvements.  Teaching gave my days a structure that existed outside of Scribble’s eat/play/sleep routine.

At the college I teach for, only full-time staff works over the summer, so I knew I would be able to enjoy a summer break. Still, I anticipated going back to work in the fall. However, when I reached out to my supervisor about my fall schedule, the only classes they could offer me were ones during the day, at a campus 40 minutes away.

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Optimistically, I called daycares in both my hometown (Point A) the town I’d be teaching in (Point B), and the town that sits between Point A and Point B, in the hopes that any offered drop-in hours. Unfortunately, most were unable to help me.  Most didn’t want to accept a child for part of the week when they could easily fill that spot with a child who would be there all week.  This is a no-brainer for daycares, because they want to make sure they’re bringing in as much money as possible per child. But as a mostly stay-at-home-parent, I had no idea this was an issue.

I looked into Mother’s Morning Out programs and found only a few options. Unfortunately, the one nearest my home had a waiting list for Fall 2013. Plus the program’s hours are in the middle of the day (9:00 to 1:00), and as an adjunct I usually work on the tail ends of the day, since classes in the middle of the day are typically reserved for full-time staff.

I found one traditional daycare willing to help me out, but their rules were clear: I would pay a daily rate unless or until the class filled up, in which case I would have to switch to a weekly rate even if Scribble was only staying there for a few hours each week.

I seriously considered taking this daycare up on their offer, but before I committed to the classes, I spent some time thinking about what that might entail.  Scribble has always been a late riser, and in order to make my 40 minute commute I’d have to get him to the daycare no later than 7:00 AM– the minute the doors opened.  Or I would need my husband to take over daycare dropoff duties, which would significantly complicate his already-harried morning routine.  Plus the idea of the commute itself began to wear on me, as I considered how much it would cut into my time with Scribble. Finally, I had to consider the cost of commuting, both gas and miles on my car.  Since my car is our family’s newer one, it is important for us to use it sparingly. Once I counted up the cost of daycare and gas, I realized I’d only be taking home half of my pay, while also inconveniencing my child, my husband, and probably myself too.

Still, I was anxious about having a two-semester long gap on my resume.  If I couldn’t remain flexible, would the university I work for stop offering me classes? Since we are only contracted year-to-year, it was possible they wouldn’t ask me back when my current contract was up.  This alone motivated me to move mountains to find daycare for Scribble.

The decision was made for me when the daycare told me they couldn’t ensure that I’d have a spot come August, especially if Scribble wasn’t walking by the time classes started.  My employer needed to know when I would be available in August while putting their schedule together in March. So in the end, I was forced to turn down good work.

I’ve been pretty glum about this.  Teaching last spring helped me to confront the reality that I’m not cut out for full-time stay-at-home-motherhood. I was so much happier when my life had more variety. I enjoyed taking part in the “marketplace of ideas,” discussing literature and theory and current events with my students.

At the same time, I am reminded of that phrase I see floating around on the internet: “You can have it all, just not all at once.”  There was a time when all I wanted was to be a stay-at-home-mother.  Not that I knew I was absolutely meant for it, but I knew I would regret not trying. Unfortunately, my career has suffered as a result, but the attempt has been richly rewarding.  In fact, if I had been forced to go back to work after Scribble was born, I would have been very disappointed.  Even if I don’t end up as a stay-at-home parent for good, I am grateful for this season of my life and wouldn’t wish it away.

Still, this is probably the last time I will turn down good work. At 12 months, Scribble seems less like a baby and more like a little boy every day.  I know that being in a caring environment outside of my home could offer him innumerable benefits.  So this semester, my “job” will be to line up care for him so that I can confidently accept work in the future.  I’m trying not to regret the past but instead focus on the future.

Have you ever had to turn down work because of childcare issues? Have you had any luck with alternative childcare?