Folks, I have a confession to make. I am not the parent that I thought I would be. Veteran parents…. go ahead and chuckle at my expense. You know you want to. Okay. Done? Ahem…
I think everyone has a romanticized vision of what motherhood will be like. For me, this included a schedule, which my sweet little angel would follow. Of course there would be disruptions, but they would be few and far between. I would be one of those moms who could set a watch by her child’s sleep cues, and all would be right with the world. And then Little Lion was born.
After spending a week in the NICU, he came home with us on a perfect schedule. We woke him up every 3 hours to eat around the clock. We changed his diaper. Then he immediately went back to sleep (if he wasn’t already) peacefully in his crib. Clearly, we were professionals. We had succeeded as parents! (ha. ha. ha.)
Five weeks later, we hit our due date, and LL decided to start acting like a normal newborn. All bets were off, and we were back to square one.
My perfect vision collided abruptly with reality… having a baby on a schedule was H.A.R.D! Turns out, getting and keeping a schedule would require me to not leave the house for 2 weeks.. Eh, no thanks. Maybe when he’s older.
And yet, that perfect vision has continued to float around in my mind. Good moms have a schedule (right?)… I want to be a good mom, so schedule I must.
I have written many potential schedules in the last 6 months, sure that this one would naturally just work. THIS time I would stay home for a whole week and make sure it happens! Then 2pm on day one rolls around, and I throw up my hands in frustration, load LL in the car, and head to Target because I cannot stand to be in my house for one. more. minute.
So I determined that the problem was the season. His struggle must just be a summer problem. All that traveling — surely that is why my child still isn’t on a schedule… right? Once the summer is over I will be content to stay home every day and will be able to make sure all goes as planned.
In the car, on our way home from the beach, I wrote it all down again. This schedule was perfect. It was the stuff dreams are made of. Surely this one would stick. On Sunday, LL slept like a champ, right on cue. I had to wake him up from every nap (what a wonderful sign!) and he greeted me with huge grins each time. Jackpot! I typed up this schedule of perfection, printed it out, and hung it on my fridge. I had plans to go shopping with a friend (one with whom I had talked extensively about how schedules just didn’t work out for me), and kindly asked her if we could move the time so that it didn’t interfere with LL’s scheduled nap time. Because she is a good friend, she only laughed at me a little. I brushed off her doubt… this time it was going to happen. Maybe it didn’t the 276 times I had already been through this, but this time was for keeps!
On Monday morning, LL was ready for his first nap right on time at 8am. We read some stories, I tucked him in (in his bed, not in the swing!!), and like the perfect angel that he is, he rolled over on his side, closed his eyes, and it was snoozeville.
I smugly walked out of the room, excited to tackle my morning to-do list. (You all know what is coming…right?)
30 minutes later, a high pitched scream crushed all my hopes.
Why on earth did I feel like a complete failure? It was the schedule. The stupid schedule. The pretty blue piece of paper on the fridge that screamed, “Good moms have babies on a schedule. If you were a good mom, you could do this.”
It is official, friends. I am not a schedule person. I called my friend a second time and moved our plans back (she laughed harder this time), and we went about our unscheduled business.
If you ARE a schedule person, I applaud you. I envy you. I kiss the ground you walk on.
But it just isn’t in the cards for us. And that is okay.
coconut / 8305 posts
With G I wasn’t just a schedule person I was a schedule nazi! This time, years later, I waved bye bye to the schedule & we have more of a “routine” that we causally keep. P goes down for a nap sometime between 1 & 2 and sleeps till 4 or 5. Aside from that we eat when it works best.. making breakfast usually around 10-1030, lunch sometime before nap, and dinner not too long after dad gets home (don’t really have an exact time).
It just works better for us that way & gives me the leeway I need to care of P, get G’s school done, and run needed errands along with get G to practice twice a week. You’d think a more strict schedule would work but that would just make me bonkers! lol
guest
Glad I could be the friend that you carry out your unscheduled businesses with!
pineapple / 12053 posts
we have a routine, but no schedule. “schedules” were the bane of my existence for the first couples months when i gave up, realized we all hate schedules and my baby responds in kind by being happy on the go.
guest
I refuse to say the word schedule. We use routine. It sounds far more “doable’ and flexible then schedule. I am one of the lucky ones (if there is such a thing) whose baby seems to have a little internal clock. Yet even with that, I still find myself constantly worried that one day it will all change. Sometimes you just have to let go and go with it
Good luck!
livwithroses.wordpress.com
GOLD / wonderful coconut / 33402 posts
We don’t have a schedule, just a routine sort of!
pomelo / 5621 posts
We are a routine family. I wish we could have a schedule, but that is just not reality.
blogger / pear / 1563 posts
Yes to routine! I printed out lots of schedules, but they all were very vague. Like 1-2pm Naptime… ha!
And right now there’s no routine or schedule. Just survival (we’re in the 2-1 nap transition phase).
grapefruit / 4441 posts
Oh my gosh, this so sounds like me! I have drafted so many schedules and they never work. My LO goes to daycare 3-4 days a week and that is a big issue – she never naps there at consistent times. At home we have a routine and by Sunday, even a schedule, but come Monday it gets flubbed up again. Sigh. My LO is happy and easy going though, so she seems okay without as much structure. I just try to watch her and make sure to put her down when she’s starting to act tired, feed her when she’s acting hungry, etc.
Glad I’m not the only one who is schedulely-challenged (I think I made up a word, oh well!)
guest
In my mind, schedules are for things we don’t want to do. Like pay bills. I pay bills on a monthly schedule. I clean my house on a monthly schedule. My day? No schedule. There’s a general guideline as to when my kids might sleep, eat and poop. But it’s give or take a few hours depending on the day. At first I thought I was going to ruin my kid, but then I got over it and put energy into having fun.
EnJoY
grapefruit / 4120 posts
We totally have no schedule. We don’t get so much sleep, but we get to do what we want, when we want (except sleep hahaha). It’s the tradeoff… I sometimes feel jealous of my friends who DO get sleep due to their zealous scheduling, but I feel sorry for them when they have to leave x or miss y so their kid can go nap in his crib.
guest
I understand. For me, I do have a schedule but it is not tied to a clock. I have a general idea of when DH needs naps and food and plan around that give or take an hour. So if I am out and about, I usually know what to expected. Of course if he is teething hard or in a growth spurt all bets are off. So maybe use those schedules as general guidelines.
guest
You are a great Mom!! I never even tried to print a schedule, but not because I am a superior parent who thought “That won’t work!”…because I just didn’t think of it, since I have to work hard to even begin to be organized. But it probably would have helped to at least identify patterns or the lack thereof. So maybe your attempted scheduling was not in vain, regardless of whether you ended up on a schedule! I love that I am beginning to be surrounded with great moms like you!! My LO is good with her anti-schedule. Now if I can just get myself on a schedule…
bananas / 9973 posts
I can sort of relate to this post! I am NOT a schedule person. As such, I’ve never made a schedule for us to follow. Just now, at 7 months, I’m trying to get on a better routine for the sake of naps. I think K would do well with more structure for naps, but I get to that point where I just want to go do what I need to do too. Ah – I’m probably a bad mama for not being better at schedules either.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
We only have a very LOOSE schedule because of daycare! We just try to maintain the status quo at home, give or take a couple hours. And sometimes it goes out the window!
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i cannot tell you how many times during maternity leave i planned out a “schedule” for LO in vain hopes that he would actually follow it. i stressed so much about this. i think i’m still on the anal side, but a lot more easygoing than the newborn days.