We went out with some friends for our birthdays in early February this year. Around 10pm I was fading fast, and that became the topic of conversation. I was so tired because I had a nearly one year old, and I had been tired for a whole year.
Then shortly after that conversation, I became responsible for two. I quickly realized that I didn’t know what tired was.
My little ones are close in age, just 2.5 months apart, and lucky for me, started mirroring each other and seeing who could scream louder. Of course, it doesn’t stop there. The crying became louder, the unhappiness became unhappier, and the hunger somehow became a near-death experience every single time. One day I had one sweet little baby, and the next I was elbow deep in two toddlers.
I had a long conversation with Mrs. Blue (I just love her) about the struggle of trying to be everything to everyone. She gave me some really great advice, and I knew that I needed to be better about taking care of myself.
Here is how I cope:
1. I made myself start exercising again. I started with a Couch to 5k app on my phone, and then started to realize how much I missed lifting weights. I finally (after a year) made getting in to the gym a priority to myself once again, and realized that I hadn’t lost as much strength as I feared.
2. I made myself start reading again. I love to read, but that suffered when my responsibilities doubled. I picked out a few books from the library and took the boys with me to pick them up. They love getting to see the fish, and we all love getting out of the house.
3. I made time for visiting with friends. I have a block of time during the week where I drop one child off for a visit with family, and the other stays with my husband, and I meet up with friends for coffee. I cannot tell you how this has made me feel like myself again. Occasionally, I’ll run an errand during this time, but I’m pretty good about reserving it just for me.
4. I have grandmas on standby. My mom and my mother in law are great at helping me when I need a break. One night a week after the boys are in bed, one is usually available to let me go get done what I need to do, or just go do something I want to do.
5. Wine Friday. And sometimes Saturday, and Sunday.
These might sound selfish, and you know what, they are. I’ve found though that I need to be a little selfish to be the type of mom I want to be, and to keep my sanity.
Do you have any additional tips to help handle two at once?
blogger / pomelo / 5361 posts
The only other tips I have are to implement Wine Monday-Thursday, too. Just kidding…sort of! Seriously, I’m so glad you are finding some ways to take care of yourself in the chaos. It’s so helpful, and I always feel like I’m a better mom when I’ve had even just an hour or two to do something for me and feel a less weight of responsibility for just a bit. You’re doing a fantastic job with the kiddos. Just keep taking it one day at a time!
kiwi / 500 posts
I sometimes get lost in the absolute craziness of running a household with 2 young children. I used to(and sometimes still do) feel incredibly guilty about taking time to reconnect with myself. But I learned that taking care of myself mentally and physically is the best thing I can do for my kids and family. Once a week I take 2 hours to just do my own thing, sometimes
It’s window shopping, sometimes it’s sitting in my living room and reading through and entire magazine. I try to have dinner with my girls 1-2x a month. And my husband, we stay up a little while the kids are asleep and just talk, watch tv or hold each other. I’ve also gotten pretty good at the art of making a cocktail!! Bottomline, we need to learn to ask for some
Help, it’s healthy and it’s also okay. It makes us much better moms!
blogger / pomegranate / 3300 posts
Juggling two can be so tricky and it sounds like you are figuring this whole thing out. Your list of things is fantastic. In addition to taking care of myself I have to be very purposeful about taking care of my marriage. It was very easy for me to forget about my husband, who could take care of himself, when I was juggling so many kids who could not take care of themselves. We try to have dates nights every now and them (even if it’s an in home one when the kids go to bed.)
persimmon / 1420 posts
Ditto @Mrs. Train: ! It’s vital when you have two. You don’t realize what you are putting into your kiddos does until you’re knee deep into. You’re doing a great job, mama!
blogger / nectarine / 2600 posts
Juggling 2 is hard let alone 2 almost the same age. I have also tried to cope in similar ways with reading, blogging, and other things for me after the kids go to bed. I wish I could do the couch to 5K but Im so lazy and I need to find a gym with childcare if I want to do it
kiwi / 643 posts
I love everything you said! I read something recently, (can’t remember where!), that basically said it can be hard to know where you end and the babies start. And @Mrs. Train: @meganmp: I needed this reminder tonight, especially
guest
I have twin boys and every moment is filled with laughter and craziness! wouldnt change it for the world
papaya / 10560 posts
I have kids 17 m apart and a husband who lives/works out of town. Sometime ms I get a sitter just to watch the kids so I can run errands or hang out with friends. I can’t be a great mom if I don’t make time for me too.
blogger / persimmon / 1398 posts
I found that taking care of myself helps me take much better care of them… So if it means that I take a night to sit in front of the TV (instead of dishes/cleaning…), so be it! Way to go!
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
i’d love to join you for a wine friday…:) hang in there, momma — you’re doing great!
blogger / nectarine / 2010 posts
I find that I’m a much better mom when I have time to myself. I’m not working anymore so it’s even more true now. We lost our one-day a week daycare spot in February and I feel like I’ve been struggling ever since. I didn’t realize how much I relied on having that one day a week when I knew I could plan on doing something, anything, that I didn’t want a toddler in tow. So a day off. I suggest a day off.