We are so excited about this little bit that is joining our family in a few months but yesterday, I may have had a wee panic attack about having three kids under two years old.  Granted, the older two will only be under two for a couple of months, but I’m still terrified of managing 3 kids that close in age.

I was driving home from work and imagining what it will be like when this baby joins our family. I started thinking about all the moms I know who have three kids and handle it with (at least from the outside) grace and humor. My mom is my parenting role model, so I was thinking to myself, “Mom managed to survive with us and even do creative things with us.  Surely, I can survive, too.” Then I had an epiphany that started the panic. My mom was (and is) a fantastic mother to three, but when I was born my brothers were 3 and 5 1/2 years old.  One of her kids started school 3 months after I was born!  Those ages sound so much more manageable than having two two-year olds who will literally find a way to swing on the fan while I’m trying to clean up a pooplosion that the next one created.

I emailed one of my other “Mommy-heroes” for some advice. My cousin had 3 under 3 once upon a time, and they are now really awesome teenagers. I mean, these kids are seriously dream kids (although, I witnessed them getting in trouble many times when they were little, so their dreaminess is definitely partly the work of a lot of training and discipline!).  Naturally,  I hold what she says in high regard.  Here are a few of the (paraphrased) tips she shared:

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  • Work on “first-time obedience.”  Teaching our kids that they needed to obey completely, without delay or complaint, was huge for both safety and sanity.  I needed to know my 3-year old would hold my bag, pant leg, etc. when crossing a street or parking lot because I had to carry the other two. It takes work to teach this, but it makes life much more enjoyable.
  • Grocery carts with multiple slots for the win!
  • Teach your kids to work along side you, even though it’s more work for you in the beginning. Work on getting them to help put away clothes, pick up toys, etc., and before you know it, they’ll “actually be helpful . . .  or at least stop contributing to the chaos.”
  • Start off the day by having one-one-one mommy-kid time with each child. Start with the youngest since the older ones should be better at slightly delayed gratification. The idea is to “fill their cup” with attention, play, and love initially so they’re not clamoring for attention at a more inopportune time later. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but the kids eventually learned to be patient as they waited for their turn; it became part of the routine and they learned that it was coming without having to ask for it.
  • ALWAYS have nap/rest times.  Insist on some quiet time each afternoon, even if they’re too old to actually need to sleep. I had them lie in bed with a book if they didn’t want to sleep. I told them even if they didn’t need a rest, Mommy did! That little break was critical to help me rejuvenate and be in better shape to meet everyone’s needs until bed time.
  • Early bedtimes are your friend.  Even when you’re still feeding a newborn more frequently, it’s much easier to do that when exhausted and cranky toddlers aren’t running around the house. It also gives you a much-needed break and time together as a couple.
  • Work on teaching your kids to play quietly on their own for small blocks of time each day. Initially, we had to do this by putting them in a play pen to contain them. Basically, we wanted them to learn to entertain themselves appropriately in our presence, but without our constant interaction for short periods of time. As they learn the skill of entertaining themselves, it is very helpful for cooking dinner, etc. when you can be nearby but need to focus elsewhere.
  • Prepare one meal and have everyone sit down. I prepared a variety of healthy meals, but I didn’t cook an alternative if they didn’t want to eat. We asked that they try a couple of bites and left it at that. If they got hungry later, we offered the leftover plate. Otherwise they needed to wait until the next healthy meal or snack. We didn’t make it a huge power struggle, just matter of fact. I think this helped them gradually learn to love a variety of foods, be good guests who eat what others’ serve, and mealtime became much more enjoyable. We also insisted that everyone be sitting in their high-chair (or bouncy seat if too young) during meals. It kept them all safe while we ate and and helped establish wonderful family time at dinner in the long run. It was a huge process, but it was worth it.
  • Have a big, fluffy spot where they can all sit with you when needed without exhausting you.  Mine was a big rocker recliner, that was NOT a fashion statement, but saved me a lot of tears!  I could nurse a baby, have one sitting on my lap and one beside me with a book of us to read.  No matter what you do, there will always be times that everyone needs your attention at the same time, and having a soft, comfy spot to curl up together made that easier to accomplish and helped my sanity.
  • Begin with the end in mind.  It’s much easier to establish good habits, attitudes, etc. from the beginning than undo the bad ones later.
  • Keep date night going no matter what.  Invest in your marriage.  It will be the key for the long haul and will make life more enjoyable. It’s not a luxury; it’s crucial.
  • Don’t expect too much of yourself.  Sometimes just keeping everyone clothed, bathed, fed, and safe is a big accomplishment in the early days. It’s a big adjustment at first, but before you know it, they’re grown. Enjoy the simplicity of the younger years, even with the chaos. Don’t sweat the small stuff; focus on the things that matter long-term.

She closed up her response with some encouragement about how much she loves having her kids close together, especially now that they are older. In her experience, she felt like it was easier to cultivate that “best friends” relationship, family vacations were simpler to plan because they enjoy many similar things, and they even have mutual friends now.

While some of those things seem so unattainable to me right now, I really do believe in starting how you want to end.  Her kids are great and they have such a fantastic family dynamic; that’s how I want our “end” to look like. I know there will be ups and downs and that the next few years are sure to be a little bit insane, but hopefully, I can gear up to invest a lot of time and effort now to achieve some end goals that we want.

I’m still really scared of how I’m going to manage, but it’s encouraging to hear from someone who’s raised three kiddos very close in age and looks on that experience as something to be celebrated and cherished, while acknowledging that it won’t all be easy.

If you have kids close together in age or came from a family that was close in age, what tips would you add?