When K was younger, we were gifted Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda. K is a sucker for animal books so we read it over and over, and the message eventually stuck with me! The story revolves around Panda teaching Monkey to be “mindful” in all the things that he’s doing – to focus on the task at hand (like eating, playing, sleeping, etc.) rather than thinking about yesterday or worrying about tomorrow – which is the key to true happiness, according to Panda. The illustrations are very cute, and the story is told in an accessible, relatable way for kids.

K absorbed the concept to some extent, but I’ve actually found the mindfulness mindset to be really useful in parenting! In particular, it helped me a lot in dealing with D’s health scares and struggles. When D was in the hospital, it was so easy to go in a grief spiral worrying about what the future would hold for him. It was equally scary to relive all the things we had gone through… for months I would “see” the cord prolapse, or remember how sick he was when he was helicoptered back to the NICU. Surprisingly, dealing with the day-to-day was so much easier (most of the time). There were often concrete decisions to be made, or immediate comforts to be given to D, or just the typical grind – wake up, get ready, transfer K to someone, drive to the hospital, hang around with D, drive home, feed K, go to sleep, start all over. Even on big days, when waiting for D to come out of surgery or get test results, the situation was already out of my control and so I just tried to be present for him and for Mr. Tiger. Being mindful helped to alleviate the worries, to focus on doing the things I could actually do.

ADVERTISEMENT

It’s also a good reminder for me now, to focus on the kids when I’m with them. Of course there is housework to do, articles to read, errands to run… but there are also puzzles to assemble, animal noises to make, and shaky steps to assist. I can tell how differently the kids respond to me when they know that they have my full attention. And I’m sure if I wasn’t able to get out of the house some days for work, and occasionally align a double nap in the afternoon, it would be a loftier goal. But for now, I’m seeking some accountability in sharing this with you all – I want to be a more mindful parent!

Sometimes when the kids are being adorable I flip out my phone and try to get them to smile for pictures. K has been great about hitting a limit and saying NO SMILING MOMMY, which kicks me back to playing. I think I was ingrained from the NICU days (when I obsessively took pics of D) that I had to document every little thing, but now days go by without pictures of them – and that’s ok! It’s much better to be helping D go down a slide to keep up with K, or interacting with them as I push them on the swings.


I can’t help myself all the time – look at them!

K is also really into puzzles lately (which we often do when D is napping, so he doesn’t crawl over them and destroy it), and it’s so easy to zone out and hop on my phone; the devil’s advocate in me says that I am encouraging him to do the puzzle independently. K will often lose interest before it’s done in that case, but if I’m staying engaged with him, and doing the harder parts (like the edges with no characters) and we’re asking each other for pieces, it can hold his attention much longer! Same thing goes with coloring or building with blocks — it’ll last much longer if I’m involved. I definitely still give them plenty of independent play, but try to have chunks of time to focus on each of them and their interests throughout the day.

Do you seek to practice mindfulness, or is it something you’ve thought about? I’d love to hear your tips or experiences!