Hellobee

Miss H has a love-hate relationship these days with being a big sister. I think that’s about to be expected when you’re 2 1/2 and all of a sudden you go from being the center of attention whenever someone walks in the front door, to playing second fiddle to a new baby. Or in Miss H’s case, new babies.

{photo by Angela Renee Photography}

Our first 12 weeks with the Hopscotch twins have had their highs and lows with Miss H. She loves the idea of the babies, but struggles with not always being able to have just the three of us (her, Mr. H and myself) together, or having to choose one parent over the other at bedtime. It often makes me sad because we were such a tightknit little family and we’ve definitely lost that unity. I know that once the babies get older we’ll regain that send of family togetherness, but for right now it’s tough.

Seeing early on how much Miss H was struggling – extreme tantrums, hitting the babies (lightly), not listening well, etc. – we knew we had to make some adjustments to ensure she was feeling the love.

{photo by Angela Renee Photography}

As a family, we:

• Enrolled Miss H in a gymnastics class on Sunday mornings. She needed something to burn off some energy and have something special be just for her on the weekends. She loves it!
• Make it a point to tell her that when grandma and grandpa come to visit, they are coming to help out with the babies so that mommy and daddy can spend more time with her. She had been spending so much time with her grandparents leading up to when the babies were born and while I was in the hospital, that she really resented their presence after a while. Letting her know that we wanted to be more focused on her really resonated with Miss H.
• Plan special trips for the three of us (Miss H, Mr. H and myself) when we have family visiting and helping us out. It’s usually somewhere simple, like the grocery store, but for Miss H it’s exciting. When we walk out to the car Miss H will say, “It’s the whole family!” (Soon we hope she’ll recognize that the twins are part of the family too!)
• Eat meals together. It’s not always possible, but whenever we can we try and sit down to a meal together. It’s great family time, and if we’re lucky enough to have both babies napping, means that both of us are focused on Miss H.
• Trade off bedtime tasks. For a while we were switching off which parent did which bedtime. It would end up in meltdowns as Miss H always wanted the other parent. Now we switch off with Miss H – one of us will give her a bath and the other will read books and put her to bed. If we’re lucky enough that the babies are sleeping, then we can all join together to read a family book.
• Let there be noise. With a first baby you tiptoe around the house when the baby is sleeping. But the second time around that’s not always possible. We encourage using inside voices with Miss H, but we’ll never fully be able to quiet her down – toddlers are loud! And sometimes at the end of the day she needs a good dance party or tickle fight that ends up in fits of laughter. We just have to be ok with that and know that the twins will grow up being used to a loud, happy home. And it’s so much better than saying “Shhh” over and over again.
• Let her help. At first I cringed when she grabbed one of the pacifiers, imaging the germs that were landing on it. But having Miss H be a helper let her feel engaged more with the babies. She’ll pick out diapers, grab their pacifiers, help hold their bottles, and even will move their rock-n-plays from room to room.
• Bought her a baby doll. For Christmas Miss H wanted a baby doll from Santa. So we obliged and bought her one. When she has it out, she role plays – rocking the baby, swaddling it, putting it in the twins’ bouncy seat or swing, giving it a bottle, etc. It’s exciting to see so many of the things we do every day with the twins being acted out with the doll. She loves having her own baby to hold!

While most of these things are common sense, they are incredibly helpful with getting ride of the “big sister blues.” Focusing on giving Miss H solid, positive attention allows us to keep some of the elements of our family before the twins arrived, which is really helping Miss H during this transitional period.

What things did you do to help your older accept a new sibling (or siblings!)?