Hellobee

Birth order has always fascinated me. I think a lot of that has to do with me being an only child, and my life-long interest in large families. When I was in high school I took a psychology elective where we covered Alfred Adler and his birth order theories. He broke down the traits most commonly associated with oldest, middle, youngest, and only children, as well as the dynamics of being the youngest boy in a house filled with older sisters, being adopted, and even the child born after your older sibling’s unexpected passing. But as much as I loved Alder’s theories and saw correlations with children in other families, his theory on only children being more like oldest children never felt applicable to me. Truth be told I align much more with the carefree, baby of the family. A lot has to do with the way my parents saw me and some of it might just be my own personality, but through the years I have always paid attention to people’s personalities, trying to guess their place in their family. As it happened I married a very classic oldest child who was the perfect complement to my youngest child tendencies.

Now that I am a parent myself with multiple children of my own, my interest in birth order has piqued again. I am so curious to see how Adler’s theories play out in my own family. I wonder how these traits are formed because of how we treat our kids according to their birth order, and what impact individual personalities will have.

These are some observations I’ve had about birth order in regards to my own children.

Drake/Oldest

• When Drake started school, I saw what it was like to be the only/oldest child entering a new social environment. Since he had spent most of his time playing with adults, entering a setting filled with kids his own age was a bit of a shock for him. Socially we struggled for a while as Drake learned the ropes of playing, sharing, and interacting with other children his age.
• There are many waters he is going to have to navigate on his own, and I can relate to this as an only child. New teachers, first dance, college, etc. were all things I had to figure out on my own and it was scary and daunting at times.
• Drake is more comfortable being alone for short periods of time and can entertain himself quite easily with books, art, and his imagination. He likes Juliet and my company naturally, but he has been able to be alone for longer stretches as he ages.
• Every milestone he hits is a new adventure for the family. We also push him at times to grow up faster because we need him to able to do more on his own, so we can spend that time helping his younger sister.
• Because Drake is the first he gets to forge his own path because no reputation precedes him.

Juliet/Youngest

• I think the biggest benefit Juliet has as a younger child is that she is already prepared socially in many ways Drake was not, since she has never known life without another child in it. Sharing, no hitting, and taking turns will already be a part of her vocabulary once she starts school. Socially Juliet might be able to make friends more easily because she will already be a better friend and playmate.
• Juliet will benefit from having an older brother that she can turn to for advice instead of her parents.
• Juliet is a much more clingy child. Part of it has to be personality, but part of it I think is because she is rarely alone.
• Unlike Drake, we never hurry Juliet along. Since she is the baby in so many ways, we let her take her time more and learn things at her pace.

These are just a handful of things I’ve started to think about, prompted mostly by Drake’s entrance into school. We do plan on having another so Juliet will be moved from baby to middle. But if I’m honest, it’s also better her than Drake as I think she has the better temperament to deal with the change.

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Do you see the effects of birth order in your children? What about in your own family growing up?