Before Colin was born, I did everything I could to prepare. I read books. I joined Facebook moms groups. I read mommy blogs, surfed the internet and took a breastfeeding class. Somehow in the process of preparing, these three initials stood out in my mind as a parenting goal that should be paramount: E. B. F.  Exclusively Breast-Fed.

So often, I would see on forums and hear from other moms, “My son is EBF, and he…” or “How would you handle X for a baby who is EBF?”

When I joined these women in the ranks of motherhood, I assumed that my son would be EBF too. That was the goal, for at least 6 months or ideally the baby’s full first year if not longer. So when my first month of breastfeeding, child raising and recovery from childbirth rocked my world, I was shocked. I got a crazy stomach bug that destroyed my “maternal fat reserve,” which was great for my waistline but terrible for my supply. I got mastitis and nursed bleeding, cracked nipples for weeks, and would approach each feeding with anxiety of the coming pain. I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed and hell-bent on having a baby who was breastfed exclusively. In my mind, formula was for those who weren’t determined enough to do things 100%. Kellymom and my local breastfeeding Facebook support group and even the super supportive crowd on the Hellobee boards would suggest ways to amp up supply and help me reach my goal. And the underlying feeling I got was that “breast is best,” and anything but breast was NOT.

I reached my breaking point 5.5 months in, with a baby who seemed to be constantly hungry, and I decided to see what would happen if I supplemented with a bottle of formula. I vividly remember crying crocodile tears after I watched my son guzzle down the bottle.  Not only because I had somehow failed in my own mind, but because he was so happy and satiated afterwards. Like, the happiest he had ever been. And then he took his best nap of his life, rather than waking quickly to eat again, because my supply just wasn’t enough to tide him over. In that moment, I threw in the towel immediately. I googled strategies for weaning as quickly as possible, and made the switch to formula full-time. Talk about a 180.

So this time around, with my second child, I prepared for baby with a different mindset. I told myself from the beginning that it would be totally okay if we had to supplement. I bought a canister of formula and tucked it into our cabinet, to have on hand just in case from the start. I decided that my sanity would prevail over the pump.

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Yet when Asher was born, I caught myself falling into the same mental traps. I didn’t want to introduce a bottle too early for fear of nipple confusion. I didn’t want to skip a nursing session until I was 100% sure my supply was established, and even then, I would pump for the bottles he took to maintain my supply. I teared up when I accidentally spilled about half an ounce of pumped milk. And I caught myself thinking that this baby would be the one I got to nurse for a full year.

None of these thoughts are bad thoughts individually, but the collection of them had me headed to that dark place again where I was putting too much pressure on myself, especially as we got to know our fussy baby, who teeters along the line of the definition of colic. Finally somewhere in Asher’s fourth or fifth week, I pulled that canister down from the cabinet. I fed the baby around 7:30 p.m. and told my husband that if he woke (or was hungry during his witching hour craziness) between then and midnight, that he should make a bottle of formula and see how it goes. And you know how it went? Fine. Totally fine.

Asher's first bottle
Asher’s first bottle

Because formula is far from a bad thing. Supplementing is totally okay, whether it is because you don’t have the supply, don’t want the constant tether, you want a more equitable split for nighttime feedings, or you just want to. Breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We don’t need to get stuck on the “E” in EBF.  

Any amount of breast milk that my child consumes will be great for him, and if and when I reach a breaking point where we decide to wean completely, that is okay too. Baby’s breast milk to formula ratios won’t go in his transcripts or college applications (or even preschool applications!). And just like you won’t get a medal for a natural birth, no one gets a medal for surviving a year without purchasing formula. We are all just trying to do right by our babies – breast-fed, formula-fed, combo-fed, whatever.

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Did you give yourself a hard time for supplementing?