It’s been almost 3 1/2 years since I wrote this post debating whether to raise kids in the city vs. the suburbs, because I’ve always felt like I was a suburb mouse at heart. But now that I’ve been living in the city with two kids for 5 1/2 years, I’m firmly on team city for now. You can be happy wherever you live, of course, and it all depends on what is most important to you. We moved to our neighborhood because of the good school district, one of the main reasons people move to the suburbs, so that was one thing we didn’t have to worry about. This is my personal experience, and 10 reasons why I love raising kids in the city:
1) We know all our neighbors and we help each other out. Since everyone walks, we know all our neighbors — an experience I’d never had before living in New York! I can’t go on a short walk without running into at least one person I know… and usually it’s more like 3 or 4! Knowing our neighbors also helps us as parents because we don’t have family nearby who can help with the kids. We help each other out with things like school pick-ups and drop-offs because we all live so close to one another, and play dates are often as simple as going upstairs!
2) There is a real sense of community. Besides knowing all our neighbors, we know the local shopkeepers, and there are tons of community events both big and small. For instance each block holds their own yearly block party where the street is closed off to traffic for an entire day, and everyone cooks and hangs out together on the street. The fire department usually comes out and opens the fire hydrant, a bouncy castle is rented, we bbq, there are arts and crafts for the kids, and just a great time for everyone young and old. As bustling as it is living in the city, it still feels like we’re part of a close-knit community.
3) It’s easy to make friends. There was a great New York Times article a couple years ago on how it’s so much harder to make friends in your 30’s. It mentions that sociologists have long considered three factors necessary to make friends: “proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” I’m an introvert and probably wouldn’t have many opportunities to make new friends if we didn’t live in the city because I wouldn’t make the effort. Here we run into many of the same people over and over again at the playground, at school, and at local events, and have many opportunities to become friends. We’ve made some of our closest friends this way, and it’s a bonus having kids the same age so we play while the kids play.
4) Diversity. People in New York are from so many different socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, religions, and occupations, and I love that the kids are exposed to so much diversity. Having been surrounded by so many Asians my entire life, it was easy to make friends that were just like me. But as I got older, I always wished that I was able to experience much more diversity than I did. This is something that is very important to me, and one of the biggest reasons I want to live in the city, especially given that Charlie and Olive are 3 ethnicities, like many of their peers!
we go on picnics every week during the warm months
5) Less space promotes family bonding. My family lived in a small apartment in the city before we moved to a big house in the suburbs. When we lived in a small apartment, we had no choice but to interact with each other all the time. Once we moved to a house with my parents’ bedroom and the kids’ bedrooms on different floors, we interacted much less as a family. Everyone just stayed in their own room and did their own thing. So I’ve never wanted a big home! Aren’t we always trying to recreate the things we loved or missed in our childhoods and make it better for our own kids?
6) Less space forces you to be more of a minimalist. Having less storage space forces you to be ruthless about everything you bring into and keep in your home. I’m constantly thinking about what else we can get rid of, and regularly sell, donate, and give away. I get the kids involved too, and they’re used to having a smaller amount of toys at any given time and getting rid of ones they’ve outgrown. It isn’t always easy, but I definitely see the joy in having less and living a more simple life.
most of the playgrounds have a splash pad or water feature in the summer
7) The city is our backyard. Before having kids I always thought that a backyard was essential because I grew up with one. We’ve lived in apartments with and without backyards (currently without), and we’re fine without one. Our average weekend is probably a lot busier than if we had a backyard because we have to do a bit more planning and have to get out no matter what. But we have over 10 playgrounds within 15 minute walking distance, and literally hundreds if we travel farther. We have incredible public parks that my mom has called “an oasis in the city,” and really try to take advantage of them.
Charlie and Olive volunteered to help mulch trees at a local park
8) You can walk everywhere. For some people this is a con. I understand — when I lived in the suburbs, I used to drive to the market a block away! But having kids has definitely made me less of a homebody, and I love that we have everything we need within a few blocks. We regularly come across cool events and things in our neighborhood like a community garden we never knew existed. Just walking around is an adventure!
going out for ice cream is one of our favorite things to do
9) There is so much to do. Arts, culture, food… I don’t think I have to say much about this one. We could do something different every single weekend of the year here and we’d never run out of new things to do. I love that the kids are being exposed to such a wide range of experiences from museums to music and so much more.
I’ve been amazed just how much nature there is in the every day city! Here Olive is walking on the enormous roots of a tree
10) Living here toughens you up. It’s not always easy living in New York. It’s busy, we don’t have a car, it’s ridiculously expensive, we live in a small apartment, and the weather sucks for most of the year (but we truly appreciate each and every beautiful day). I’m a nature-loving introvert at heart, but living in the city pushes me out of my comfort zone, and I think that’s a good thing for me as a parent. I love the energy and drive of the city, and I think it’s made both me and the kids tougher and more resilient. After living here 11 years, you could say that I’m officially a New Yorker.
For all these reasons and more, I prefer the childhood I’m able to give them in the city than I would be able to in the suburbs, and the trade-offs we have to make for that are worth it for me. I do love the suburbs and it’s quite possible I would be happier there. Maybe we will move there one day, but for now, we love the city.
. . . . .
What say you — city vs. suburbs for raising kids and why?
nectarine / 2217 posts
love this! we currently live in the suburbs, but nyc living sounds amazing :).
persimmon / 1230 posts
Yay, for raising kids in the city! DH and I live in Baltimore and are moving to a house in downtown Baltimore in a few days. I know of few people that make a move to a more urban lifestyle after having kids, so it’s always great to hear the perspective of those who do. BTW – I love Olive’s embroidered dress!
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
We live in the city and I love it for many of the same reasons- especially the walking and seeing the same friends at the playground all summer long. But we do want more space and so want a backyard, one day, so I am 90% sure the suburbs are in our future. DH tries to assure me that moms still meet at the playgrounds in the suburbs, even if they have to drive there. Right??
grapefruit / 4671 posts
We live in NYC and this is exactly how I feel. I love raising a kid here, it is the absolute best. I am also someone who hates yard work and major home maintenance etc, so the suburbs do not appeal at all at the moment. My commute to work is also 10 mins so I love that I get to spend tons of time that would otherwise be wasted commuting to the burbs with my kiddo. I value quality time over space.
nectarine / 2272 posts
I live in NYC too and I agree with most of the points, except I am finding it incredibly hard to meet other parents/friends. Our kiddo has only been home six months so maybe I need to give it more time but I feel like my fellow parents behave “like NYers” and stay in their little bubbles at the park and such.
nectarine / 2054 posts
I am also loving raising a kid in NYC. It’s amazing being able to just leave our apartment with a stroller and go to the grocery store a couple blocks away, or to the drugstore a door down, or to one of 4 or 5 playgrounds within a 5-minute radius. Or having our nanny be able to walk DS to his preschool. The endless choices are so much fun – last weekend involved 3 dinners out, 1 picnic in a beautiful waterfront park, and a trip to see butterflies at the Natural History Museum. I grew up in the suburbs with space, but the lack of space in the city doesn’t bother me very much at all.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
We loved the city when #1 was little for many of these reasons but I did also get beaten down some by the logistics of it all. The major factor for us was cost though – we couldn’t even afford preschool where we were and overall cost of living was a problem, especially since we wanted me home at least part time. DH got a job in texas where we live in a close-in old suburb, and we still get some urban advantages but can afford it. We miss some city things for sure though and it is definitely harder to meet people.
GOLD / eggplant / 11517 posts
Man this post makes me hate living in the burbs.
I’ve never even met half my neighbors and the ones I have met I’m not fond of.
blogger / apricot / 349 posts
Living in the suburbs, you have to be very intentional in finding diversity and activities for your kids. It’s more comfortable because there’s more space but I do wish I knew my neighbors or that there were more people with kids in my neighborhood. When I look at posts of people who live in the city (especially all your New Yorkers), I get a bit jealous at all the things you get to do.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@Foodnerd81: alas not in the suburbs where my parents live! playgrounds are often empty, and you don’t really see the same people there if there are people there.
@plantains: not a fan of yard work or home maintenance either, which are two things my parents love!
@hotchildinthecity: we didn’t make too many new friends until charlie was about 2. at that point all kids are down to one nap, and parents really start making playdates. also many start preschool. it gets easier and easier now that charlie is in public school.
GOLD / wonderful pomegranate / 28905 posts
I’ve lived in both and suburb life is the childhood I want my children to have.
#4 is probably the *only* thing I can’t give them and I wish I could!
nectarine / 2272 posts
@Mrs. Bee: lol J is 2.5 ;). I’m sure it will get better though!
persimmon / 1339 posts
we’re in an outer-inner suburb (does that make sense?? on the outer fringe of the inner city) of Sydney, Australia – its the best of both worlds! I don’t think I’d cope in the full on suburbs, and the inner city is the domain of 20 something hipsters. We’ve got a nice mix where we are and hope we won’t have to move for many many years!
grapefruit / 4582 posts
we live in your hood and I feel exactly the same too! There are some days where I curse living here but, more often than not, I go to bed feeling incredibly lucky to call New York home and I can’t imagine raising the girls anywhere else.
kiwi / 643 posts
Thank you! This hit home tonight.
We are moving in a few months–suburb to suburb, so not the same thing. But we’re moving from two very DIFFERENT suburbs, both economically and socially. It helped to hear your experience!
My takeway is that it’s ALL about the schools, the neighbors, the culture, (or accessibility to culture), and the way your house can turn into a home),
I needed to hear that today!
Thank you so much
kiwi / 511 posts
I am a suburb Momma, it is the closest to my childhood (small town) and my DH grew up in the suburbs. I am 30ish minutes from all the culture of the big city but to be honest 10 minutes away in the medium city there is a lot of culture as well so we have plenty to do.
We have space, I really hate living on top of other people. I mean really hate it, the noise, the smells, the paranoia that I am being a bad neighbor and being too loud. I love being able to fly a kite in my backyard (yes I really do) and having my kids run around while I hang my laundry outside. Oh the smell of freshly line dried sheets is heaven.
I love the privacy when I want it, home is my haven where I can restore myself. I could never get that in crowded city I could never feel fully at peace.
I also like family bonding living in a big house. The bedrooms really are not that big, the idea I grew up with is you sleep in your bedroom, you don’t live there. School work is done at the kitchen table or the kids will have desks in our office (it is big enough). No TVs in the kids rooms.
blogger / nectarine / 2687 posts
I want to move to the city so badly! Unfortunately, the schools in DC are pretty bad, so if we did move to the city, we’d probably have to look into private schools for middle school and beyond…
pomegranate / 3768 posts
Thanks for sharing! We live in the city too and I love it for many of the reasons you mentioned!
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@hotchildinthecity: it will get better! Pretty soon there will be a birthday party every other weekend! If all else fails we can always organise a Queens meet up some time
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@hotchildinthecity: we didn’t have a playdate for Olive until this year! before that she always tagged along on Charlie’s playdates. it gets better at 3, 4, 5 and especially 6. birthday parties pretty much every weekend!
nectarine / 2152 posts
I think we will move out eventually but for right now, living in NYC is pretty fun with children! Like you mentioned, we have 7 playgrounds within a 10-15 walk from our apartment
I do hate grocery shopping and the lack of closets but otherwise, it’s working for now!
guest
We are in a house in the near old suburbs. We can walk to almost everything, including the train. It is kind of the best of both worlds.
guest
Love this post. Both my husband and I were determined to live central in our city and once we had our little one we never thought about leaving. Great post and hits the nail on the head.
pomelo / 5678 posts
It forces me to be social! If we had a back yard I doubt I’d meet as many new people, run into as many people constantly, and have a community garden plot. It forces me out every day, and helps me meet new people constantly. I love walking everywhere and having so much to do. It helps me feel engaged in an organic way.
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@regberadaisy: it is actually one of the most important things to me… everything else you could definitely do in the burbs!
@Greentea: totally agree. we come across so many things on when we’re out and about in an organic way, it’s an adventure!
pineapple / 12566 posts
We live in a city too, and I love it for raising kids. I grew up in a quiet, small town, so seeing my kids have all of the amenities of a city at their doorstep (and being able to share it with them) is pretty amazing.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
We live in the suburbs outside of NYC and we still have a lot of these things so it is like the best of both worlds. It’s easy to train/drive into the city when we need a real city fix.
coconut / 8279 posts
Yes, yes, yes!
pear / 1672 posts
Thanks for this, Mrs. Bee! I find in the U.S. raising kids in urban areas often gets a bad rap. I know that DH’s family often makes comments about our life, but we like it and it works for us. #4 is very big not just for my LO, but for me. As I’ve mentioned to DH, I don’t want to move somewhere where I can’t find a hair salon.
But seriously, walkability, cultural offerings, short commutes (at least where we are relative to our jobs), and the low maintenance required for our apartment (which would drive us both crazy) are some of the reasons we choose to stay in the city. I wish it was less expensive though. Again, thank you for showing the life with kids in the city has its upside.
kiwi / 558 posts
@Mrs. Bee: could you kids be any cuter and more stylish!! OMG, they are just too cool!!
We live in the city, but it’s a driving city, with a couple of areas that have things you can walk to. I do love all the bars/restaurants around but I’m looking forward to a yard and being able to send LO out without having to go down the block to a park or drive to another park with splash pad or pool! Maybe it’s because I’m so lazy, but I think it would be great to say “okay go to the backyard to play and come back in when you need some food or water!”
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
I miss NYC something wicked. I never really lived there but having spent 3 years commuting to NYU and a lot of time going “to the city” for fun from my NJ suburbs, it feels like home. We live in a suburban “city” in VA – high rises, shopping areas, lots of public transport, etc. Unfortunately we can’t walk anywhere, which is the one big difference from NYC, but I do love the city feel and being close to DC. And thanks to our population density, we have very crowded playgrounds and lots of diversity, which I adore. I have a feeling we may be moving further into suburbia in the next few years to get closer to good schools (sadly, the more urban, the worse the schools are around here), but for now I’m loving the city feel.
honeydew / 7488 posts
So, now you need to get a blogger to write a post titled “10 reasons why I love raising kids in the suburbs”
admin / watermelon / 14210 posts
@T-Mom: Haha already in the works!
apple seed / 1 posts
@mrscowgirl: Have you looked into charter schools in DC? There are many high quality schools here in the city that provide a variety of learning styles and varied curriculum for our little ones. I’ll be applying for schools in January for PK which is free unlike in MD and VA. And the great thing is you’re not neccessarily limited to just your neighborhood schools. I’d check them out if you’re even remotely pondering city life. http://www.myschooldc.org
nectarine / 2951 posts
We moved to beautiful northern Westchester, which is just north of the city. We don’t regret the decision for us, although we do miss the restaurant varieties, being close to our friends, cultural events, and walking everywhere. My brother and his family are still in Brooklyn, and I do NOT envy his current search for a pre-school or the stress his kids will feel having to test so often and navigate the NYC public schools.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
At heart, I’m a suburban girl although my idea of the burbs is still rather bustling. After visiting Boston recently I would absolutely love to raise kids in the city.
grapefruit / 4671 posts
@BKCaribBaby: this is actually the biggest issue for me. I briefly contemplated moving to Dobbs Ferry or one of the other rivertowns until I spent a week there and realized just how few black people there around. I don’t want my LO to live in a place where she is always different but more urgently, I don’t want to live where I can’t buy plantains
persimmon / 1233 posts
I used to live in your hood and completely agree with this. I miss it a lot now that we’ve moved to a suburb-ish place across the country. However, as you allude to at the end, your amazing, idyllic photos are conveniently from the warmer months! If NYC was like that all the time we never would have left.
pomegranate / 3658 posts
I could have written this post, LOVE living in the city! And we’re so happy to raise LOs here.
cherry / 158 posts
Aww I love this! And agree with your points. I do wish we had a car so we could get out of the city more often – That might be in the financial cards in a couple years.
blogger / apricot / 367 posts
Really appreciate hearing this perspective! We live way out in suburbia but if we ever had the opportunity I would love to try living in the city. Walking to everything and all the art and culture seems so great for the kids!
guest
I grew up both in the city and the suburbs and I absolutely love the city and agree with many of your points. However when I think back to my childhood (lived in Manhattan until 10 then moved to NJ suburbs), my best memories were when we moved to the suburbs. Once we moved there, my parents bought my brother and I bikes which we used to explore the town, go to playgrounds on our own, and visit friends. We also had a backyard and it was wonderful having water balloon fights and catching fireflies at night.