The pacifier has been a subject of preoccupation for me over the past year or so, ever since Baby C turned one. I remember commenting on a Hellobee post around that time that I wasn’t very worried about pacifier weaning because Baby C only uses the pacifier for sleep, and it never seemed like she really needed it because it fell out nearly every night and it never affected her sleep. I figured we would wean pretty easily so I didn’t really start thinking about it until she started nearing 18 months.
At 18 months (last November), Mr. Carrot and I started thinking that it was time to wean. She had already stopped using the pacifier at daycare months earlier, but we kept with it at home, so I again figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. But then it occurred to us that we would be traveling for Thanksgiving, so Baby C would be shuttled between two grandparent houses and could use stability and routine, and I was dreading the possibility of the 18 month sleep regression so we decided to wait. And then we waited some more as we got busy with holidays and work things and lost focus.
At 22 months, we took Baby C to her first dentist appointment. She checked out perfectly, but the dentist told us that she has a narrow palate (surprisingly, Dr. Google doesn’t seem to have a lot of information on this so the link isn’t fantastic but it’s to the point) – basically, it means that there’s not as much room as there should be for her teeth and once everything comes in and she starts growing, her teeth may end up misaligned, too close together, etc. The dentist wasn’t concerned and said that this likely wouldn’t be an issue as Baby C got older, because these things can change – worst case, she might need a retainer once all her adult teeth are in – but that we should start thinking about weaning her off any continuous sucking, like a pacifier to avoid making things worse. So that day, we got home and resolved to go cold turkey on the pacifier.
I lasted a half hour that evening, before giving it back to her. In full disclosure, the kid never asked for it. She was perfectly fine in the crib, rolling around, playing with her toys and blankets like she usually does… and she was talking. Nonstop. Apparently our kid is not one to ask for a pacifier or even realize it’s missing when she doesn’t have it, but the pacifier appears to serve as her “off” button. She quieted down and was asleep within 10 minutes after I gave it back to her. We tried to do the same thing with her nap the next day and bedtime the next evening and same thing – she just would not stop talking/singing until we gave it to her.
In fairness, my tolerance level was lower than it should have been, and I probably should have held out longer than a half hour. Baby C takes 30 minutes to an hour on an average day to settle down to sleep. We’ve tried adjusting her bedtime and it appears to just be what she needs to settle down – some time to just roam around the crib with her loveys before she doses off. We let it go, again, and decided to try again another time.
Baby C turned 2 a couple of weeks ago, so we tried again to go pacifier free. This time I resolved that I would let her go longer, unless she was truly upset. I distracted myself with catching up on things around the house, and was serenaded by countless repetitions of the ABC song via the baby monitor. Since she wasn’t unhappy, I didn’t go in and just let her sing. She fell asleep about 15 minutes later than usual, but she fell asleep. We decided to put the pacifier in the crib in case she wanted it at night, and she slept all night without it, grabbing it only near 5 AM when she usually stirs and doses off for another hour. Success!
Except the next evening, she started thrashing around the crib about 20 minutes after we put her down. Instead of singing, she was angrily throwing blankets around, yelling, and her arms and legs seemed to be in non-stop motion. As it got closer to her bedtime, I gave in and gave her the pacifier, which seemed to help calm her down. We resolved to try again the next day, but every night something seemed to feel not quite right so we kept on with the pacifier.
I read in various books and on blogs that impulse control and nervous system development takes a while to develop and usually begins to develop in earnest after 24 months and solidify after age 3. Perhaps I’m using that as a crutch to avoid having a frustrated toddler at bedtime, but whenever I see Baby C particularly energetic in the evening (more often than not), or unusually tired, I give in to continuing with the pacifier. Something in my gut tells me that she just hasn’t matured enough yet to effectively calm herself down to sleep without that tool at her disposal, even though I know plenty of kids do just fine without it and if I gathered some will and stuck it out a few days of bad bedtimes, we’d likely be just fine without it too.
For now, we are taking it night to night. Neither Mr. Carrot nor I are good about seeing our kid upset and frustrated, so on days when she’s had a lot of activity and appears to be full of adrenaline, we usually give her the pacifier right away. On calmer days, we try to go without it and see how she does. I realize it’s probably not the best approach, since it’s so inconsistent, and at some point we’ll probably buckle down and just resolve to deal with a few bad nights. Overcoming our own nervousness is proving to be the biggest challenge of all.
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
My 21 months is paci obsessed. Like we are actually day weaning right now. I’m also struggling with it. She does well if she’s outside/at church/the store but asks for it if we’re just hanging around the house. Like constant asking. The tantrums have increased since we’ve started day weaning and we are taking it really really slow. I’m so glad you posted this. I’ve been feeling like such a flunkie because she still uses it!
cantaloupe / 6131 posts
DH and I apparently loved our pacis as babies. But my pediatrician told my mother to take it away at my 1 year appointment because it can mess with mouth and teeth so she said I was upset for about a week and then moved on. By brother apparently went through the same thing. He and I have straight teeth that required no braces. DH loved his paci and I don’t believe his was ever taken away until he outgrew it himself. He had AWFUL crooked teeth That didn’t fit in his mouth and so did his brother that never got fixed with braces. DH ended up spending thousands on Invisalign and getting excess teeth pulled as an adult and my BIL apparently just had all his bad teeth pulled and had implants and veneers put in. Coincidence? No idea, but DH and I were relieved when our son never cared for pacis at all. We both agreed that if he had cared for it, we would wean very early. BIL’s son is paci obsessed and in secretly worried about his teeth too!
guest
My daughter still uses her paci at naps and nighttime and she’s 2.75 yo. It’s far later than I would have liked to let her go, but she had a severe oral aversion from the NICU and that was the only good sensation she had with her mouth (she has been tube-fed pretty much since birth). So her therapists, ped and dentist all felt it was okay.
I’m ready to get rid of it, though, and we’re going to give it a shot this summer. We’re going to pick a date and let her know (2-3 days beforehand), pack up the old pacis, and send them off to a new little baby who doesn’t have any. I hope it goes smoothly….but I think this cold-turkey approach will be the best way for us to handle it.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
My dr was totally into her pics to sleep until recently at about 32m! She decided to give it up (with some urging from us) and hasn’t looked back. I know I did the same thing but at 3. I don’t think it harmed her in any way to wait it out.
guest
Have you tried cutting the tips off, bit by bit? This is what we did with our daughters and it worked wonderfully. Our first gradually quit over the period of about 2 weeks (we cut off a small piece every 2-3 days) and our second stopped almost immediately.
pomegranate / 3716 posts
Oh boy, not looking forward to this. I don’t know how LO would fall asleep without his wubbanub!!
pea / 23 posts
We are in a similar situation. My daughter is 20 months and only uses her paci at home for sleep (hasn’t used it at day home for well over 6 months). She does not ask for it during the day anymore since we kept telling her it was only for sleep. I’m not concerned at this point because her teeth appear to be fine, it hasn’t impacted her speech, and she doesn’t wake up for it at night. She uses it to fall asleep, and will pop it back in during the night occasionally, but most of the time I find it laying somewhere in her crib in the morning. For now we are going to leave it be.
guest
We just weaned at 22 months due to a dentist recommendation as well. I was terrified as he’s been using it for sleep his whole life. We had 2 nights of some crying – about 20 – 30 minutes – and that was it until about a week later. He didn’t cry at bedtime anymore, but he would take over an hour to fall asleep which was very unusual for him and he stopped napping completely. He’d just sit in his crib for an hour or more without crying. This lasted for about 2 weeks and the he started going to sleep no problem again and resumed napping (thank goodness!). I don’t know if it was paci related or a sleep regression, but either way, my fear of weaning was way worse than the reality. Good luck!
guest
We took away my sons pacifiers a month ago and he has done well with it, in not crying and asking for them, as he was only using them during naps and bedtime, but my fantastic sleeper has disappeared. Naps improved after a couple of weeks and they are prettying much back to normal. Nighttime, however, he flips and flops, and talks, and plays with his blanket and monkey for an hour or more almost every night, which then causes early morning wake ups. I am about ready to give in and give it back at night just so he will get the sleep he needs. I’m afraid of the consequences and Dad isn’t on board yet so I keep holding out that it will improve… Thoughts?
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@Elizabeth, that’s exactly my worry and why I haven’t pulled the plug, so to speak. She doesn’t cry or get upset without it, but she has a hard time slowing down and getting to sleep. And because she’s a low sleep needs kid as it is (about 9-10 hours overnight), I’ve been really reticent about taking the paci away. I go back and forth every day about it so no advice, sadly, just best wishes that it does get better.