The pacifier has been a subject of preoccupation for me over the past year or so, ever since Baby C turned one. I remember commenting on a Hellobee post around that time that I wasn’t very worried about pacifier weaning because Baby C only uses the pacifier for sleep, and it never seemed like she really needed it because it fell out nearly every night and it never affected her sleep. I figured we would wean pretty easily so I didn’t really start thinking about it until she started nearing 18 months.

At 18 months (last November), Mr. Carrot and I started thinking that it was time to wean. She had already stopped using the pacifier at daycare months earlier, but we kept with it at home, so I again figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. But then it occurred to us that we would be traveling for Thanksgiving, so Baby C would be shuttled between two grandparent houses and could use stability and routine, and I was dreading the possibility of the 18 month sleep regression so we decided to wait. And then we waited some more as we got busy with holidays and work things and lost focus.

At 22 months, we took Baby C to her first dentist appointment. She checked out perfectly, but the dentist told us that she has a narrow palate (surprisingly, Dr. Google doesn’t seem to have a lot of information on this so the link isn’t fantastic but it’s to the point) – basically, it means that there’s not as much room as there should be for her teeth and once everything comes in and she starts growing, her teeth may end up misaligned, too close together, etc. The dentist wasn’t concerned and said that  this likely wouldn’t be an issue as Baby C got older, because these things can change – worst case, she might need a retainer once all her adult teeth are in – but that we should start thinking about weaning her off any continuous sucking, like a pacifier to avoid making things worse. So that day, we got home and resolved to go cold turkey on the pacifier.

I lasted a half hour that evening, before giving it back to her. In full disclosure, the kid never asked for it. She was perfectly fine in the crib, rolling around, playing with her toys and blankets like she usually does… and she was talking. Nonstop. Apparently our kid is not one to ask for a pacifier or even realize it’s missing when she doesn’t have it, but the pacifier appears to serve as her “off” button. She quieted down and was asleep within 10 minutes after I gave it back to her. We tried to do the same thing with her nap the next day and bedtime the next evening and same thing – she just would not stop talking/singing until we gave it to her.

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In fairness, my tolerance level was lower than it should have been, and I probably should have held out longer than a half hour. Baby C takes 30 minutes to an hour on an average day to settle down to sleep. We’ve tried adjusting her bedtime and it appears to just be what she needs to settle down – some time to just roam around the crib with her loveys before she doses off. We let it go, again, and decided to try again another time.

Baby C turned 2 a couple of weeks ago, so we tried again to go pacifier free. This time I resolved that I would let her go longer, unless she was truly upset. I distracted myself with catching up on things around the house, and was serenaded by countless repetitions of the ABC song via the baby monitor. Since she wasn’t unhappy, I didn’t go in and just let her sing. She fell asleep about 15 minutes later than usual, but she fell asleep. We decided to put the pacifier in the crib in case she wanted it at night, and she slept all night without it, grabbing it only near 5 AM when she usually stirs and doses off for another hour. Success!

Except the next evening, she started thrashing around the crib about 20 minutes after we put her down. Instead of singing, she was angrily throwing blankets around, yelling, and her arms and legs seemed to be in non-stop motion. As it got closer to her bedtime, I gave in and gave her the pacifier, which seemed to help calm her down. We resolved to try again the next day, but every night something seemed to feel not quite right so we kept on with the pacifier.

I read in various books and on blogs that impulse control and nervous system development takes a while to develop and usually begins to develop in earnest after 24 months and solidify after age 3. Perhaps I’m using that as a crutch to avoid having a frustrated toddler at bedtime, but whenever I see Baby C particularly energetic in the evening (more often than not), or unusually tired, I give in to continuing with the pacifier. Something in my gut tells me that she just hasn’t matured enough yet to effectively calm herself down to sleep without that tool at her disposal, even though I know plenty of kids do just fine without it and if I gathered some will and stuck it out a few days of bad bedtimes, we’d likely be just fine without it too.

For now, we are taking it night to night. Neither Mr. Carrot nor I are good about seeing our kid upset and frustrated, so on days when she’s had a lot of activity and appears to be full of adrenaline, we usually give her the pacifier right away. On calmer days, we try to go without it and see how she does. I realize it’s probably not the best approach, since it’s so inconsistent, and at some point we’ll probably buckle down and just resolve to deal with a few bad nights. Overcoming our own nervousness is proving to be the biggest challenge of all.