We aren’t done with licensing yet, but we have heard that some foster parents, especially those who are willing to take infants, get their first call the same day they are officially licensed. With this in mind, we decided to spend some of our own money to prepare for our first placement. I am a planner by nature, so it was stressing me out thinking that we might have to do a bunch of last minute shopping, especially given the rural area in which we live. Many foster parents aren’t first time parents, so they already have some clothing and gear to use with foster children. In our case, I had deliberately avoided buying anything baby related or even reading up on babies or parenting while we were trying to conceive. It was just too hard emotionally to get my hopes up that much.

The first thing we looked for was a crib. We searched on Craigslist and Facebook for good quality, gently used cribs nearby. We ended up finding the perfect one for a great price near my in laws’ house. It made a good excuse for a visit. It is a beautiful solid oak, sleigh bed style crib. My twin bed from my childhood is also in our spare room, and it will stay there unless it seems to get in the way. I’m anticipating it being quite useful to have in the nursery though.

crib

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My mom has known about us trying to conceive all along. It’s hard to hide when you’re traveling each month for inseminations. She lives about 45 minutes away and is incredibly supportive and excited about us becoming foster parents. We planned a shopping trip together to the nearest town with kids’ consignment shops. We may have gone a little overboard, but I feel much better now that we are prepared with at least the basics. We bought (at least) two sleepers and two onesies in each size from newborn to 9 months at the consignment shop. At Target we picked up a starter set of Dr. Brown’s bottles in two sizes, a few receiving blankets, a pack of disposable diapers in each size (we plan to use cloth, but want to be prepared to use disposables at first) and an infant/toddler tub. I also bought an infant bucket seat.

sleepersdiapers

There are more things on our list, of course, but I also know that I will be getting a lot of hand-me-downs and gifts once we have a baby in the house. I think the basics are covered and we are prepared to take on our first placement as soon as we are licensed. I can’t even begin to describe how exciting it is to finally have some baby stuff in the house!  I won’t bore you all with photos of our closets, but this drawer of sleepers and diapers is so cute!

I have read up on taking in the first foster placement. Most articles and blogs are about older children, toddlers or even school aged. Infants who are in foster care first and foremost need healthy attachments. The older they are, and depending on their background, they may have trouble forming attachments for the rest of their lives. While I hope that our first call will be about a newborn, it is also possible that we will take in a slightly older infant. In either case, I plan to do a lot of baby wearing. It has been shown to increase bonding and attachment tremendously. It is also suggested that the parents do the primary care (feeding, changing, bathing and bedtime) for at least one month before anyone else is invited to help. This facilitates a healthy bond between parents and infant. Bed sharing is not permitted for foster parents, but room sharing is until age 2 in California. We set up the crib in our spare room, but fully intend to have the baby sleep in our room at least for the first few months.

I am doing a lot of reading, both about infants in general and about foster parenting as well. One of the biggest concerns people have is getting too attached and having it be hard to let the child go if reunification is successful. However, I believe that in order to be successful as a foster parent it is critical that you DO get too attached, even if it is hard to let go. In the end, it’s not about us and our feelings. It’s about a baby or child and their needs. All babies and children need attachment, love and bonding. We hope that, even if we don’t get our forever baby right away, that we will forever make a difference in a child’s life. Eventually we know that we will have an opportunity to adopt and we will be honored to do so when the time comes.

Do you have any suggestions of things I may have overlooked? What else would you do to prepare for a new baby of unknown gender and age?