Hellobee

I have been thinking a lot about motherhood and living abroad and life plans but haven’t known what to say about it. The only thing I can say is that we’ve created a lot for ourselves to handle right now. We’re moving to the country, losing our babysitter, I’m trying to prove my worth after maternity leave, Mr. Gumdrop’s job has deadlines right now and we are going on vacation for our 6th anniversary this weekend. Close friends of ours are moving away and their baby is due in a few months so I want to make sure they feel loved, and we are planning two trips back to the US and Canada with the baby that will flip her days and nights. Stress! It’s a lot right now. It’s only a lot because life is rich so I am grateful but working hard to adjust. Things that used to be simple have an added layer since we’ve added a new little family member.

This morning Mr. Gumdrop sat down and started sharing with me how much he wants to help me thrive and how his daily meditations have been helping him personally. And then he asked about my stress level and helped me acknowledge my fear of moving to the country as manifested in stockpiling experiences and things in the city. I was somewhat conscious of this, but felt like it was rational… now I realize it isn’t – because we will be coming back into the city several times a week and I can go anywhere I need to after work or on the weekend. I realized that I am trying to soothe myself with consumption. Classic human thing to do. I am not at my healthiest right now.

I once saw a speaker who worked with people transitioning out of the prison system and he walked us through the format he uses to help people find their purpose in life. The part of the talk that has always stuck with me was when he said, where does your pain and hardship in your past come from? And then he said, that is where your purpose lies. Mr. Gumdrop has come through a big battle with anxiety in the last few years and I’m realizing how strong he is and how he is uniquely equipped now to help those around him through similar feelings. I have watched him help others but never realized that as the closest person in his life, I can benefit his strengths in the biggest way. The stress of being a new mom has pushed me farther than I have ever felt with anxiety – I like motherhood but there seems to be never enough time now – and I am not at my best. He is helping me recognize that and see where I can grow.

photo by Ned Selby

I have a deep fear of missing out and of being trapped. I want to have options, but I also want to slow down – so I know this move is a great step. Less options equals less time spent debating them and more time spent being where we are. Going forward, I want to cultivate a spirit of contentment and gratefulness. I thought Mr. Gumdrop’s Manifestations of Well-being were particularly applicable to keep in mind as we move into the next phase of life and I’ve been wanting to adapt these for myself so here they are:

Manifestations of Well-being

1. Be prolific: start something and finish it the same day. Make sure nothing is perfect.

2. Meditate/pray daily: this can be seated practice, hike to the waterfall, walking…

3. Limit chemicals: work to establish natural patterns that boost energy instead.

4. Get out of the house everyday: At least get some sunshine. Ideally, be out for the golden hour.

5. Positive media and content: do not chase a Facebook post about Trump. Better to not follow Facebook at all.

6. Exercise 4-5x/week: yoga, biking, climbing, swimming…

7. Start strong: up early, yoga session, fast healthy breakfast…

8. Work well: intentional uninterrupted work in large blocks.

9. Be generous: with time and money.

10. Be proactive in building your community: schedule intentional time with important people in our lives, and host things too. Call or email friends and family abroad. Volunteer.

11. Intentional time alone with the baby and just as a couple.

12. Grace when it does not all work out.