Have you ever noticed how many people, moms included, like to throw around the phrase “mom hair” in a derogatory way? Like, “I don’t have mom hair, do I?” Or, “Oh my gosh, she had the worst case of mom hair. And her hair used to be so pretty and long!” The derisive tone is also apparent in phrases like “mom jeans,” “soccer moms,” and “mommy bloggers.”

I admit to being guilty of making fun of mom style in the past, but articles like this one that came out earlier this summer, suggesting that mom hair is something that needs to be “fixed,” have me in a rage. I admit, the original SNL “Mom Jeans” video was funny, but this recent mom hair skit? I don’t even understand what they’re trying to say?!

I feel like there is something deeper going on here; it’s not just the idea that moms can’t be cool or edgy that I have a problem with. It feels like there is an attitude that moms are no longer individuals, with feelings, opinions, and tastes that vary as much as anyone else’s. Nope, instead moms are just these stupid-pants-wearing, short-hair-sporting, minivan driving robots who stopped existing as people the moment they popped a kid out of their loins.

We know better than that, though, right? Getting a short haircut doesn’t make us a “mombie” or mean that we have to give up every aspect of our personality that has nothing to do with our kids. Sometimes a short haircut is just what makes us happy: it’s easier to maintain, it feels good, or we like how we look in it.

I chopped off all my hair around a year and a half ago, and then a few weeks later went “full pixie.” Why? Because it was something I wanted to try once in my life to see if I could pull it off. I didn’t love it. I don’t have the bone structure or balls-to-the-wall confidence to rock a pixie as my signature look, and I truly missed my long hair. But it was awesome not having to style it or feel it on my neck every day. I started growing it back out, and my god has it been a pain in the ass. Truly horrendous.

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I’m finally in a place with my hair where I can pull it into a pony again, and it’s almost long enough for me to do a flat-iron beachy waves looks (one of the few hairstyles I know how to create). But it hasn’t been easy. My hair and I, we’ve been through a lot the past 16 months. Today I’m sharing with you the five stages I’ve been through in growing out my short hair.

Stage 1: The Pre-Pixie

When I first chopped off my hair, I had the short in back and longer in front look, which was basically a test run for a full on Peter Pan pixie.

pre pixie

Stage 2: The Chop

I actually really enjoyed this haircut, but I was itching for more. I wanted to go full pixie! So I did.

full pixie

Stage 3: Pixie with Bangs

I pretty much immediately missed my longer hair and started growing it out. This phase with side bangs was actually kinda cool. Still easy to style, but the face-framing side bangs made me feel more like myself.

pixie with bangs

Stage 4: Quasi-Mullet

This phase was the worst: the awkward bangs that weren’t sure if they were straight down or sideswept; the flippy-out pieces behind my ears; the tendency to mushroom out without warning. The below photo is my best attempt to style it for a wedding I attended last April. This super annoying phase seemed to last a lifetime.

growing out pixei

Stage 5: Bob at Last!

Finally, at my most recent hair appointment, my stylist was able to achieve this look. Granted, I still can’t keep my layers from flipping out weird, but it’s a definite improvement over the last stage. (And since the below photo, my hair has grown another inch or so.)

short bob

I can feel it—long hair is finally within my grasp. Maybe a year from now I’ll be able to do topknots and soft, pretty waves again? (Then again, the maintenance has already creeped up. Gotta style this puppy. The bedhead is real.)

The point is, I’m a mom, whether my hair is short or long. My hair doesn’t define me, and I don’t understand the need to put down moms who are busy worrying about things other than their hair. Most days, I wake up and throw my hair into a headband or half-pony, after getting dressed and doing my quick morning routine. I look forward to a day when I can put makeup on and style my hair every morning, but that time isn’t right now. And I’m OK with that. I’m also cool with the moms who always have glamorous and shiny hair—if that’s your thing, you do you! I think we all have enough things to worry about without judging each other based on our hair.

What’s your take on “mom hair”? What does your hair routine look like?