I recently shared all of the perks that came with putting Crumb in a school type program, and I considered writing a post about the cons but there is only one true negative so far, and that is poor behavior. While I can’t blame all of Crumb’s tantrums on his fall schedule (part of it is just being 2 years old), the new stimulation and tiring schedule are not helping things. Overall, Crumb is pretty good listener but he definitely enjoys pushing boundaries and asserting his independence. He has these big emotions he is trying so hard to regulate while still learning how to communicate his needs to us  I feel so bad when Crumb gets frustrated because I can definitely relate to how he is feeling.

Recently his meltdowns have gotten bigger and include him shouting, “Mama, I need you! I NEEEED you!” (Insert heart breaking right here.) This often occurs after nap time or during pick up from Adventure Kids. Crumb wants me to hold him and I would love to but I simply cannot carry Chip, Crumb, and Crumb’s backpack when leaving the building. Using the stroller is an option I suppose but the hallway is so crowded it feels weird and Chip is too heavy to be carried in his bucket car seat these days  So I end up dragging Crumb out of the church while he cries. It’s painful. When it happens at home, it’s usually a case of him not getting what he wants  I don’t know if I should be carrying him around and catering to him when he gets like that or if I should be waiting until he calms down and asks nicely. Mr. Cookie says we shouldn’t give in when he screams at us, and I agree, but I’m conflicted and usually do a mix of both.

While the meltdowns are tricky, it’s the not listening or ignoring that I struggle with the most. For example, Crumb knows he is not supposed to dump the bin of soft toys on Chip’s head, but he does over and over again. How do I discipline him in that situation? We have tried short time-outs in his room as well as counting to 3 to get his attention, and both have been met with moderate success. But most of the time I find myself threatening ridiculous consequences and then trailing off because I don’t want to commit to them. I’m frustrated in the moment so I say, “If you dump the toys on Chip’s head one more time I’m going to take away your cars.” Or I say, “Crumb, if you can’t share the Thomas train we’re not going to be able to play with our friends at Barnes and Noble anymore.” It’s not that I am bad at the follow-through because I can and have done it, it’s that I seem to be pulling consequences out of the air that don’t make a lot of sense for the situation. I have no intention of leaving our play date early so why am I threatening that?

I’d like to avoid getting myself stuck down a path I don’t want to follow so it might be better to think up appropriate consequences ahead of time so I’m not grasping at straws. Or maybe I should eliminate the threat altogether, but how? I brainstormed my own list below, but I’d love to hear what works with your toddler.

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1) Don’t say anything at all.  Ignoring bad behavior is a strategy we use a lot. Having a sibling has made this work really well! When Crumb is acting up, I play with Chip instead of giving Crumb attention and sometimes he decides to join us because we are having so much fun without him. Although, other times it only makes Crumb angrier. And some behavior cannot be ignored.

2) Validate their feelings. I often ask Crumb if he feels sad because of this reason or that reason. When he tells me why, I explain that what happened to him would make Mommy sad too so he knows it’s a normal reaction. Then I say even though it’s normal to feel like that, we can’t act the way he is acting.

3) Offer a snack, maybe they have low blood-sugar. Crumb is a wonderful eater and needs to snack every few hours or he gets cranky. (Don’t we all?) If he is even slightly hungry, his tantrums are way worse.

4) Make sure nap time is protected  I’ve noticed that Crumb’s mood worsens when he is over-tired and while it’s fun to have a lot of excursions in a week, I always try to be home for his nap because he really benefits from that rest.

5) Engage help from another adult. When I’m with Mr. Cookie or a friend or family member, it’s easier to diffuse a meltdown because Crumb can interact with them instead of me. Moms can make things worse sometimes! Another person offers a different perspective on the situation and he listens well to other parents.

6) Give them affection.  Crumb is a sensitive guy and like me, and he often needs to be hugged when he’s upset. If I can catch him before he gets too mad, I can hold him and distract him until the frustration passes. And I love cuddles from my busy toddler.

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I have heard that 3 year olds can be even tougher, eeeek, so I’d love to implement some new strategies now!

How do you discipline your LO? What has worked in the past and what hasn’t?