On the morning after the election, I told the girls very casually that Donald Trump had won and waited for their reactions. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, although it clearly was a HUGE deal, and I was basically a zombie after having fallen asleep with my phone in my hand and discovering the news at 5 a.m. HJ, who is 8 years old, just looked at me and said,
“But Mommy, Donald Trump says mean things.”
“I know…” I said. And pretty much stopped at that.
I wish that I had responded with just the right words that would explain and reassure and do everything we want our parents to do when we are confused, but I was truly at a loss for words.
So HJ took her own spin on the news by shrugging it off and saying, “Well, Hillary Clinton won our school election.”
The day before, the girls had proudly voted in their mock election, with Lila, my kindergartner, mainly choosing Hillary because “she is a girl,” obviously.
After school, they had excitedly come with me to vote for real, watching me mark off my choices in the voting booth, helping me scan my ballot, and picking up their “I voted” stickers.
But other than election day, I had been pretty negligent about talking to them about the candidates and the big issues at stake. With the girls only being 5 and 8, I guess I assumed that it wasn’t really on their radar. My mistake there was that they were already hearing snippets here and there on the news, at school, and among adult conversations.
Particularly for HJ, who is now in third grade, the kids were actually talking about the election quite a bit. I heard a few things from the parents at the bus stop, like this joke that they were telling each other:
“Both Trump and Clinton are on the same plane. The plane comes crashing down. Who is saved?”
The punchline?
“America.”
The other mom and I both had the same reaction — how sad that this is the state of American politics!
I don’t know how much the girls fully understood other than that they wanted to see a woman president and that Donald Trump was mean, but I suppose at some simplistic level that essentially summed things up!
After the results of the election were in, I heard various things from parents at different districts. Some schools were actively encouraging students to process their feelings about the election and reassuring them that they were safe and their families were safe, especially in areas with a more diverse student population that included many immigrant children. Some principals sent out letters to all the parents in the district, affirming their inclusive policies. Some parents asked whether counselors would be made available. Other parents were upset that school funds and school time were being used and wanted everyone to just move on.
Another mom and I talked about how we were avoiding Facebook the day after, but when I went to check the posts later in the week I saw that the election posts were still coming. I tried to keep an open mind, but still found myself surprised by the strong emotions being expressed by many people on both sides. On the other hand, some parents were actively trying to combat the negativity by posting on lighter and funnier topics, or trying to do something positive by taking the kids with them to volunteer.
The truth is, I am worried about the future. I am worried because although my husband and I were both born in the United States, we are still a minority and our children will still be seen as a minority because of their appearance. I am worried about the refugee families in Chicago that my children have gotten to know. I am worried because I have daughters, and because they hear things and absorb things from the culture that are negative and demeaning.
Overall, though, I’m trying to keep perspective and trying not to despair. Many people have reminded me how lucky we are to live in a democratic country, where we are free to make choices every day, where we are currently safe from war and famine, and where our girls have the opportunity to grow up and know that they can become the president of their country one day.
As Hillary said in her concession speech last week, “And to all the little girls who are watching this: never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance in the world to pursue your dreams.”
As a mom to two young daughters, I’m taking those words to heart.
cantaloupe / 6086 posts
kiwi / 511 posts
Honestly I think part of the issue with some of the anxiety and stress on the kids is that parents are not discussing this at an age appropriate level. It is important that we teach our children about the election process but we need to remember to keep it age appropriate and not necessarily delve into the problems that both candidates have in elementary school and re-enforce that everyone needs to respect differences in opinion.
I think it is also important for parents to keep things in perspective and stop and think before they project their worries and fears to their kids. Yes things will change but our government for better or worse is like the Titanic it doesn’t just change course in an instant, so take a deep breath. Additionally I think that many people have focused so tightly on the campaign rhetoric that they forget that ALL candidates say things on the campaign trail and then most typically moderate once elected, that is the way of our government. That rhetoric is the starting point of negotiations.
I wonder what is it that people are afraid of that he will govern with a pen and phone? If so why are you afraid of that and were you afraid of that before?
I also think it does a great disservice to all people especially girls to project that they should have voted for Hillary just because she was female, especially if you don’t believe her course is correct. Think about what you are telling people with that, you are telling them that any man, father, brother, uncle will not be looking out for their best interest, only another woman will. That is not something I can abide by, just because I share characteristics with another person doesn’t mean that they will share the same interests that I do.
Has anyone ever thought about the fact that Kellyanne Conway is the first woman to run a successful presidential campaign? Is her accomplishment not worth anything if you don’t agree with her politics?
guest
Sorry, needed the smelling salts. Kellyanne Conway and her behavior in her role was sickening. In fact anyone who uttered the phrase “locker room talk” is culpable in my eyes.
grapefruit / 4923 posts
it is a lot to process, for anyone, and it’s extremely complicated. thanks for writing about this–it’s a tough subject to bring up on the blog without triggering lots of emotions/reactions.
guest
And like the titanic doesn’t make me feel much better.
blogger / apricot / 275 posts
thanks for writing. even if the us president is not yet female, your girls have you as a role model, and you sound great.
blogger / kiwi / 588 posts
Thanks so much for writing this. I too am the child of immigrants, and many of my friends and family are as well. We do worry about the future, not only for ourselves, but for our friends and family who are part of those groups that were further marginalized by certain campaigns. I can only hope that people will continue to take care of each other and watch out for each other as the shock from the election wears off. Maybe then we can try to figure out how America can move forward from here.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@Mrs.Maven: It’s interesting that you comment first on not talking to kids about these issues at an age-appropriate level but then criticize projecting that “voting for a girl” is a good approach. For kids, it’s as simple as “she’s a girl” and “he says mean things.” I’m not sure how to explain to a 5 year old and an 8 year old why we’re teaching them not to be mean and then pick someone who’s mean to people as our leader. Thankfully I have a couple years to figure it out before my kid is old enough to comprehend all this.
blogger / nectarine / 2043 posts
@Mrs.Maven: And yes, we should commend Kellyanne Conway for an electoral strategy that went as low and dirty as possible in order to elect her candidate. Definitely in line with values I want to teach my kid.
guest
Based on his cabinet selections so far I’m not so sure your statement is true: “Additionally I think that many people have focused so tightly on the campaign rhetoric that they forget that ALL candidates say things on the campaign trail and then most typically moderate once elected, that is the way of our government.”
clementine / 830 posts
@Mrs. Carrot: Word. Thanks for writing about this. Honestly one of my first thoughts the morning after the election was, thank goodness LO is too young to have to explain this to. But definitely taking Hillary’s words to heart myself.
pomegranate / 3225 posts
I so appreciate this thoughtful post on the subject. At 2 and 3 I am so, so thankful they cannot understand what just happened. As they do become aware, I want to be conscious to discuss things openly and objectively… my own parents let their religious beliefs color our political talks growing up in an incredibly damaging and negative way, so it’s something I’m hypersensitive to. HUGS!
pomelo / 5866 posts
While I agree, voting for someone just because they are a woman, regardless of their politics is unwise. However, I definitely know that voting ‘because she is a girl’ and ‘he says mean things’ is accurate age-appropriate thinking of a five year old. Although I tried to encourage more (my) reasons from my kindergartener, she boiled it down to this and stood her ground. That is what she values at her age/cognitive level.
blogger / apricot / 482 posts
Thanks so much for this post!
grapefruit / 4187 posts
I just hope this is a learning experience for children and their parents who projected fear and worry onto them. Before kids are mature enough to process the information and form their own opinion it’s our job to keep things age appropriate and provide a safe, stable atmosphere regardless of our personal political views. To hear that so many elementary aged kids were sad/crying/anxious over the election outcome is extremely disappointing.
grape / 77 posts
Thank you for this post! @Modern Daisy- I think it’s important to note that kids in elementary schools talk about elections and candidates in class and are often encouraged to watch debates and read articles by their teachers. Many of the things Trump said were/are scary to children without any parental opinions involved. You can do your best as a parent and teacher to remain neutral, but you can’t sugarcoat “build a wall”, “refuse entry” or “deport”. In 4th and 5th grade those are topics that get talked about in social studies class…and then get filtered down to the kindergarteners on the playground.
blogger / apricot / 431 posts
I enjoyed reading this post. So much to think of. I think this election has made me think more about how I, as a parent, can help my children to be “good” and aware people – to be kind, compassionate, to speak out for people treated unfairly, to know how to speak out for themselves when they are treated unjustly, etc….and the need for me to figure more and more of that out for myself too!