Hellobee

I don’t think you’re overthinking this at all – I have agonized over those exact thoughts like you have. I am thankful we too have two more years until our guy will be old enough that we need to figure it out, but I just don’t want to give into the consumerism of Christmas – but also keep the magic of Christmas alive!

I love your ideas of donating to others in lieu of Santa gifts – something I may explore! I’ve also thought about the want, need, read, wear thing too. We don’t want to go overboard with Christmas ourselves, and my husband and I always gift stockings (that’s it!) – so I thought maybe we may do stockings for our children, and then Santa will cover the want, need, read, wear part. It’s so hard to figure out when you want to be intentional, but not take away from the experiences that make being a child magical!

I am excited to hear what you decide to do!

You are completely overthinking this. I believed in Santa and Santa brought me my toys at Christmas. I don’t remember when I realized he wasn’t real and there are no lasting scars. My son is an early 3 this year and this is his first year really understanding and I’m so excited to do Elf on Shelf and have him believe in the magic of Christmas. The only thing I am doing differently is he will be getting one big gift from Santa and the rest come from family. I’m only doing that to keep in mind that not all kids get a ton of presents and I want him to understand that.

I believed in Santa growing up and the magic of Christmas, it was the best!! I have very fond memories of the holiday’s and my family making it magical and fun. They are some of best memories and I surely want my kids to have those memories too. I will be going all out Santa/elf on a shelf.. Christmas cookies, decorations, music.. you name it! I love it and hopefully my kids will too. I wouldn’t dream of depriving them of those magical feelings/memories.
ETA: I think there are many many ways to do Christmas/Santa and not go too overboard

I don’t remember when I found out Santa wasn’t real, but I vividly remember one year when I thought I heard Santa’s reindeer on the roof. It was SO magical! Childhood is so short and there’s even a shorter time when kids believe in fairies, princesses, & Santa. I love giving my kids the magic of believing. And, when my daughter figures it out, I think she’s going to love being in on the secret and keeping the magic alive for her brother. I know my little sister kept the secret because I believed longer than she! In our house, Santa brings one or two gifts and one stocking stuffer, all wrapped in “special” paper so it’s easy to see it’s not from family.

I don’t think you’re overthinking this AT ALL! I think about it all the time during this time of year.

I grew up believing in Santa. Like the commenter above, I don’t remember finding out (and my subsequent feelings) that Santa wasn’t real but I do have many fond memories of the magic of Santa.

That being said, I don’t know how I feel about spreading a fictional story as truth given that we are really trying to emphasize the importance of telling the truth for our kids. I’m considering going with a more conceptual “Magic of Christmas” idea, talking about St. Nicholas, and maybe saying “Some people believe that Santa still visits houses…what do you think?” and letting them decide.

I also do not think that you’re overthinking this. I think it’s very complicated. Are your families okay with whatever you decide?

I don’t think you are over thinking it. I’ve been thinking about this for the last two years and since this year is the first year my kiddo is old enough that people are expecting him visit Santa and get excited vs giving them the blank look that he does. But part of my dilemma is how to explain it to others, since saying “he doesn’t KNOW Santa” causes a lot of strange looks. He knows the guy in the red suit is called Santa but Santa doesn’t visit our house. We want to emphasize the spirit of giving to others more than anything else, so the gifts under the tree are for other people and with a large extended family we usually get an overload of gifts and we encourage picking out a couple items new and old to donate to kids who don’t have toys (we do this at his birthday also). Christmas morning he gets his want, need, wear, read gifts from us and he’s a pretty happy kid about the whole thing.

We’ve been having this discussion as my daughter is 18 mo and my husband’s family had a moderately strong Santa tradition and mine didn’t. My mom says I was a very skeptical child and figured it out before kindergarten, spoiled it for my younger sister, and my parents decided they couldn’t keep up the lie. But we still had stockings that “magically” appeared and had gifts under the tree from “Santa”, the elves, Rudolph, etc. My sister and I would try to stay up late and catch my parents putting gifts and stockings out and were never successful.

We always understood that other kids our age believed and respected that when talking about Christmas. Christmas can totally be magical without Santa. I think we will keep many of the traditions and see how it goes with Santa.

I’m interested how people do this if they celebrate Christmas with multiple families across a few days which is what we do. For example my daughter will get a stocking at each grandparents house as well as ours. She’ll only be at one grandparents house on Christmas.

I’ve been loosely thinking about this as my daughter gets older. My daughter is 3.5, and she remembers that Santa brought her the play kitchen she has (we told her last year that this was the case, and that other gifts came from her grandparents). Our thought was that we’ll take the Santa + people approach to gifts, because we usually don’t do family Christmas (not a tradition either of us grew up with) so we’d be home for the holidays. The only thing I was adamant on was that I was not doing mall Santa pictures unless she asked. Well, this year she asked, so we got one (impromptu, no dress up, etc.). Which, when we went to my parents for Thanksgiving, led to a question of how did Santa get to THEIR mall? Well, my kid rationalized it out herself (he took a fast car) and this year we’re also going to be with my parents for after Christmas/New Year’s, and my mom is going to have Santa gifts there too (I grew up with Santa coming for the New Year, not Christmas), so that basically shredded my storyline. Which means I’ll make up something else, and we’ll roll with it year to year. I do think you’re overthinking it, but I also totally understand why. I generally like to have a story prepared, but going with my kid and the varying circumstances year to year made it harder, so I’m planning to just go with it.

We didn’t tell DS1 anything…he heard about Santa in preschool and church, so we played along. However, he got REALLY upset last year during Operation Christmas Child and in doing the giving tree (for foster children in our area) because he felt like Santa should be taking care of those needs rather than bringing toys to children who already have many toys. So the day he asked me if Santa was really real (which, oddly, was in the midst of summer)- and told me that Santa either wasn’t real, or was really unfair – we had a heart to heart conversation. He’s acting like he believes in Santa this Christmas because he says it’s fun, lol. I try not to take it too seriously, and always work on refocusing the kids on the four virtues of Christmas (hope, peace, love, joy) and the meaning of the season.

I don’t think you’re overthinking at all; I’ve had the exact same internal struggle. My parents emphasized Santa, and when I realized it wasn’t real Christmas became a little sad for awhile and definitely less magical. I think a lot depends on how sensitive your child is to all of it. We’re trying to find a happy medium of keeping the magic alive but also having traditions that will last long after Santa.

Well, I have a 3 year old who learned about Santa entirely from daycare this year, and there is NO WAY I’m going to crush the magic for her. She’s just so excited. She only gets to be little once.

Bad things happen in life, and we can’t control that. But I certainly won’t be involved in taking away any part of a joyful experience.

When to tell? We’re going to roll with it on that one. I think it depends on the child and how insistent they are. Half of my family never acknowledged that Santa was not real, and gifts still come from Santa. We’re all fine, functioning adults who know the difference between real and pretend and no one has ever expressed any kind of concern over dishonesty with regard to Santa.

I think you’re overthinking it.

For us, we do Santa and it’s a magical experience. Deciding what to buy is pretty easy – Santa has a budget! Santa gives toys, but they have to be in the budget. If I want to get the kids something expensive (like this year they are getting a play kitchen), then it’s just one big gift to both of them, instead of them each getting smaller gifts.

We grew up with Santa and you just kind of outgrow him. I never resented my parents for having “lied” to me because they were making my childhood magical, which is exactly what I’m doing for my kids too. Everyone grows out of believing in that kind of magic eventually.

@Ajsmommy: I hope that I tried to capture in my post that there are many ways to do Santa without going overboard! Only one of my suggestions was to not do Santa, the rest of the list was about Santa visiting, but in what way. I know that we’re not going to be a family where all gifts come from Santa, and we’re trying to figure out how to reduce consumerism overall. We’re still figuring out in what way our household will do Santa without going overboard for our family.

@poppygirl15: This is definitely an approach that we’re thinking of taking, one gift or something small. I do want our kids to experience the magic, but not necessarily in the overboard way that I grew up with.

@Mrs. Marshmallow: It’s a delicate balance and we’re still trying to find our way with new traditions as a family of four!

@DaisyDreamer: Yes! “We Want to emphasize the spirit of giving to others more than anything else . . .” This exactly! While I think that Santa can fit into this–the idea of Santa as a generous figure–I want to emphasize the true spirit of the holiday season. I worry that with Christmas, it become too much of a “this is my list to Santa” rather than about what the holidays should be about.

@Mrs. Carrot: I actually did do Santa pictures two years ago, mostly because our family was bugging us for Santa pictures. I’m definitely not doing it this year because our oldest one would freak out with his stranger shyness, which in turn would make our younger one freak out.

I absolutely love your little one’s explanation! It’s so fun to see how toddlers rationalize the world.

@tlynne: I like your approach and love that you focus on hope, peace, love and joy. I really want our kids to think about the spirit of the season above all else (including what is in their stockings). I can definitely see the advantages to a flexible approach.

@Shannon: I definitely want there to be magic for our kids, the question for our family is how to do it. Santa is one way and we may very well have Santa visit, but we want to do it in a way that avoids over consumption.

@Adira: I think, depending on the age of the kids, the whole Santa has a budget thing can be easy or difficult. I was late in still believing in Santa, and I remember being jealous that my friends got “better” gifts than I did (even though my mother always overspent at the holidays, beyond our means). I remember thinking that I just wasn’t “good” enough.

I never resented my parents, and it’s not so much about the dishonesty (though I know it is for many other parents). For me, it’s more about focusing on the true holiday spirit and finding a way to capture the magic without going overboard. Most of the options I laid out, all of which we are considering, do have Santa visiting. I just know we’re not the type of family to do Santa in a big way, though that is how I grew up.

@Mrs. Dolphin: That makes perfect sense. We only do 1-2 gifts per child from Santa. The great thing is you can do whatever you want! And, you can change it each year!

@Shannon: That’s one of the ideas we’re heavily considering–just one or two gifts! It’s a great compromise, keeping the magic of Santa, while avoiding the long laundry lists of gift requests.

My DD just turned 3, and we haven’t really talked about Santa to her at all. My DH is from a country where Christmas isn’t widely celebrated, so he has no sentimental attachment. I grew up getting presents from both Santa and my parents, and I clued in to the fact that they were one and the same kind of naturally during late elementary school, no trauma. Anyway, I think in our house Santa is going to fill the stockings (like in The Night Before Christmas) and maybe bring one bigger gift when she’s older and will want to show her friends. The thing I’m torn about is whether to leave cookies and milk for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer…seeing the leftovers was always one of my favorite things as a kid but in trying to keep it lower-key and strike a balance with DH, who just doesn’t get the Santa thing at all, I might give it a pass.

At our house Santa fills stockings. So the big present is from mama and dada, but the chocolate and trinkets and tiny toys are from Santa.

I was raised Jewish, though am not religious and do not practice. I was very much raised without any mention of santa. I went to school with lots of kids who believed in santa , and never once even asked about why I didn’t have santa visit me or feel left out. I am now married to a non practicing Catholic man and we are expecting our first son- I really feel strange about the whole santa (and tooth fairy/easter bunny) thing, but my husband feels like it was a big part of his childhood. Still not sure what we will do, but I did want to say that I was not affected in the slightest by not believing in santa, and never felt left out or sad as a youngster.

I believed in Santa growing up and don’t remember exactly when I found out. But with younger siblings and cousins it was fun to keep the magic alive.

At our house Santa fills the stockings and there is usually one bigger toy under the stocking.

A couple years ago when DH and I discussed it his concern was when we tell DS. We agreed that we won’t one day just sit him down and tell him but if he right out asks we will tell the truth with an age appropriate answer.

DS is 3.5 and totally gets Santa. He is loving everything Christmas which is fun. He says he is asking Santa for two things, one which he will be getting. He knows that he isnt going to get everything he wishes for and he is only aloud to wish for 2-3 things. I told him Santa will decide what he wants to give him. He is happy with that.

I think you have lots of good ideas to make Christmas special.